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Costco for Fine Wines?


Rail Paul

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I also dislike getting run over by amped up teenagers driving forklifts. Call me kooky.

You must love Home Depot.

This probably goes somewhere else, but things I hate about Costco

3) Thousands of mentally-challenge dwarfs (a.k.a. children) running amok with no supervision and getting in my way;

2) Crowds of morons who think that the tasting counters serving nuggets of "the latest thing we figured out how to fry-and-freeze" are their own white-trash degustation menu -- thereby getting in my way; and

and

1) 30 minute check-out lines whilst six counters are closed and you can see a bunch of "workers" standing around back trying to figure out the best way to further contaminate the gene pool.

(I've spent too much time at Costco in the past few weeks.)

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1)  30 minute check-out lines whilst six counters are closed and you can see a bunch of "workers" standing around back trying to figure out the best way to further contaminate the gene pool.

My local Costco in Wayne NJ tends to be VERY different based on the day of the week and time of day. It's not unusual on a Tuesday night to be nearly alone, and have 1-2 people ahead at checkout. The wine department is rarely crowded.

On Fridays and Saturdays the place is a madhouse

Apparently it's easier still to dictate the conversation and in effect, kill the conversation.

rancho gordo

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Since we're on the subject. I took a quick spin by Costco again tonight for last minute supplies. I was surprised. The lines were fairly short, and I got behind two groups who looked like they were in an Express Item lane at Safeway. Not bad.

Let me set the scene. The main parking is a floor up. The only entrance/exit is a somewhat narrow, two-lane ramp, around a sharp corner. I'm making my way out, and I come around the corner to see two fellows trying to bring a line of shopping carts up my way. They had a long line, behind pushed from behind by a guy on a tractor. The other fellow was walking at the front to guide the carts. Seemingly aware of their limitations, they were pushing the carts up the center of the aisle to give them maximum distance from the walls. Well, the guy on the tractor apparently had the mistaken belief that his grade school teacher was telling the truth when she told him that he was just as smart as the other kids. Not. Spurred on by a sense of daring, he decided to push 5 or 6 more carts on the end of the line. Why not? He could get his job done faster, please his boss, and impress all the ladies hovering around the $1 hot dog condiment stand. But, alas, instead of taking the time to drive the carts up from the back, he came in from an angle. This allowed us to witness a real-life demonstration of Newton's third law of thermodynamics, "Stupid is as Stupid Does." Well, Stupid was, and Stupid did, and, for added measure to make matters worse, Stupid kept on doing, pushing those carts in at an angle which caused a bulge as the line of carts experienced, well, think of it as a hernia as half-way up the line of carts the, I don't know, torque? started curving the line outward. Stupid number two, much to his credit, tried valiantly to push the carts back to form a straight line as Stupid number 1 kept the power on the throttle hoping to over come gravity, friction, and his own eternal failures and get the line of carts moving upwards again. The effort failed all around, and soon Stupid number two was pinned against the wall trying to extricate his foot which was stuck worse than if it had been in his mouth. From my view at the top of the ramp, there was a straight line of carts going down the center of the aisle about half-way until it veered sharply to the right -- across my lane -- to the wall where Stupid 2, tried to get his foot out and then curving back across the center aisle to where Mr. Number 1 and his tractor still thought that pushing was the proper course of action. By now, the line behind me had grown quite long with people who of course could not see around the corner and were unaware of the monumental inanity that I was watching. They then began to honk and, in what would normally be seen as a gesture of rudeness if this were not the Costco parking lot where any one occupant was wholly within reason to assume that anyone -- nay everyone else was an idiot, they started to cut up along the oncoming traffic lane to skirt around me (assuming the I was sitting at the top waiting not because of any actual reason but simply because my brain had stopped) and the others behind me. As the first pulled up next to me, he realized what I knew, our "way" was blocked by some lesser participants in some greater "retards-to-work program", but as they stopped to witness the scene, more of their ilk piled behind them to now fully block the only two lanes at the top of the ramp. But what's more, at this same time the greater idiots (idiototis costcoitus maximus) below the carts starting trying to skirt around the tractor at the bottom. Great idiots these are because they could, unlike those at the top, view the moronic event unfolded before us and were aware that there was a line of shopping carts wedged unforgivingly in the ramp and, had they any ability to reason would have quickly concluded that if the whole line of cars pulled to within inches of the tractor, the tractor could not pull back at all unless they pulled back, and furthermore, that the carts could not work their way back from the wall unless the tractor pulled back. By this time, Secondo, if we may, had, yes, taken his shoe off to emancipate his foot and was, to his credit, trying to pull carts away from where they were wedged against the wall. But, curves as this spine was, the carts were still quite interlocked an this cause nothing but frustration as number one tried to explain to the cars that they must move back in order for evolution to go forward. Number two pleaded with the cars skirting around me who were now just as trapped as people who once thought "Awesome, Dude, Great White is playing tonight". number one soon returned, yanked are and removed two carts from the wall, thus breaking the curve of the chain. He quickly ran them up the ramp and pushed them to the side as the remainder of the line of carts, of course, who no longer had anything keeping them where they were, slid down the ramp, curving towards and into the poor wall who did nothing but wake up this morning and now found itself being assaulting by shopping carts. Number 2 ran down, and tried again to pry carts free the wall, but to no avail, as he had the weight of a dozen or so carts joining together with gravity to pin them where they were. He tried pushing them, but no. Then he decided that when stupidity triumphs, baby steps are in order and he began to remove the carts from the top of the line three at a time. This, however, soon created enough of an opening on top for yours truly to scoot down the left side and around the tractor who's lesser half had convinced the cars to back up enough for me to free myself, return home to the sanctity of my couch, drink a cold beer, reflect on the meaning of this eveing and draft this brief repose. I can only assume that there are still dozens of people in cars in the Costco parking lot thinking . . . well, no, they're probably not doing that.

Yes, this story is true.

Edited by Stone (log)
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I gotta say I am a late converter to Costco, but now I love it. I go to one in Northern Virginia. THe checkout people are really helpful - they even bag your stuff for you. And they are always in a good mood.

Reasons I love it:

1. Great salmon

2. Great asparagus

3. Fabulous strawberries, grapes and cherries

4. I love their seafood road show events

5. The prices are 33% less than Sutton Place for exactly the same stuff (I sometimes call SP from Costco to compare prices)

FYI - I read a study a few years ago that said the average person eats the equivalent of one meal just by accepting the free samples in one trip to Costco. So, I never taste test anything.

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a clear case of costcoitus

is that what happens when you buy wine at cost co, drink it there paired with the dollar hot dogs and pizza, then have sex with the help ??????

over it

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