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Keith_W

Food funnies

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Michaela,,

That is hard to beat in terms of being completely nauseating.

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Anna Nielsen aka "Anna N"

...I just let people know about something I made for supper that they might enjoy, too. That's all it is. (Nigel Slater)

"Cooking is about doing the best with what you have . . . and succeeding." John Thorne

Our 2012 (Kerry Beal and me) Blog

My 2004 eG Blog

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I thought the following news report a few weeks ago was pretty good.

Xmas biscuit sugar sparks German terror alert

2014-12-02 05:00

Berlin - Vanilla sugar for Christmas biscuits trickling from an envelope sparked a bioterrorism scare at a German mail distribution centre on Monday, local police said.

Police, paramedics and a fire brigade team in full protective suits swarmed the facility after staff spotted the white powder and an employee complained of itching, apparently fearing it was a dangerous chemical or biological agent.

Testing quickly determined that the material was not dangerous, said police after the incident in the town of Pinneberg near the northern city of Hamburg.

Further investigation found that the material was home-made vanilla flavoured sugar which a 40-year-old woman had mailed to her mother, who was planning to bake traditional Christmas biscuits for the family.

- AFP


Cape Town - At the foot of a flat topped mountain with a tablecloth covering it.

Some time ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.

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The following has been put together from various news sources. It could be titled "Only in Africa", but I think the headline should be "There Goes Christmas Dinner".

Two cousins have appeared in the Mahwelereng Magistrate's Court, Limpopo Province, South Africa, for allegedly stealing a cow and an ambulance they used as a getaway vehicle.

Blade Olifant, 26, and Kgothatso Olifant, 27, allegedly stole a cow and loaded it in the back of an ambulance in Mahwelereng. They stole the ambulance from outside a house whilst the paramedics were attending to a patient in the house.

"The two bundled a cow inside the ambulance oblivious of the fact that is was marked and easily identifiable," police spokesman Mulaudzi Hangwani said in a statement.

"Community members contacted the police who quickly set up a roadblock where the duo, with sirens blaring, thought they would not be stopped."

Police found a live cow inside the ambulance as well as bottles of beer.

The two were released on a warning and would appear again on 15 January.

The cow was identified by its owner after it was placed under the care of the local Society For Prevention of Cruelty Against Animals.

"Sometimes the criminal makes it almost too easy for the police. The two were apparently wanting to slaughter the cow for their family Christmas dinner but will now just be having pap (maize porridge)," Mulaudzi said.

Source: I put the above together from various news sources and a police press statement.

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Cape Town - At the foot of a flat topped mountain with a tablecloth covering it.

Some time ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.

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Real Life Food Funny.

 

I'm in the kitchen doing dishes. my 27 y/o daughter calls from the family room, "Papa, what is the trinity?"

 

I answer, "The Father, The Son..." (thinking now, wait, she knows that - oh) "Onion, celery and green bell pepper."

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Porthos Potwatcher
The Once and Future Cook

;

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Real Life Food Funny.

 

I'm in the kitchen doing dishes. my 27 y/o daughter calls from the family room, "Papa, what is the trinity?"

 

I answer, "The Father, The Son..." (thinking now, wait, she knows that - oh) "Onion, celery and green bell pepper."

 

That needs to become someone's tag line, Porthos.   :wink:

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Nancy Smith, aka "Smithy"
HosteG Forumsnsmith@egstaff.org

"Every day should be filled with something delicious, because life is too short not to spoil yourself. " -- Ling (with permission)

"There comes a time in every project when you have to shoot the engineer and start production." -- author unknown

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The New Yorker tends to have funny (imo) food-related cartoons. Here are two recent ones: bagels  presentation

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Gene Weingarten, writing in the Washington Post about online news stories and the accompanying readers' comments: "I basically like 'comments,' though they can seem a little jarring: spit-flecked rants that are appended to a product that at least tries for a measure of objectivity and dignity. It's as though when you order a sirloin steak, it comes with a side of maggots."

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Thanks, Kim. They gave me a good laugh for the day.


 

“Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'

Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.”

– From Fox TV’s “Family Guy”

 

Tim Oliver

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The really sad thing is that most of those New Yorkers eat out 7 days a week and don't have a clue how to cook that kale anyway. (I am related to at least one 'hipster' in NYC who might well have been in those lines - if she hadn't already called for pizza and Chinese delivery.)

 

Thanks, Kim. Yes, those lineups and quips were funny. Had already seen them on the 'prepper' board I read - they were laughing too.

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It was mad! mad! mad! at Trader Joe's.

 

I am not even talking about inside TJ's. There was no way you could find parking.

 

dcarch

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The really sad thing is that most of those New Yorkers eat out 7 days a week and don't have a clue how to cook that kale anyway. (I am related to at least one 'hipster' in NYC who might well have been in those lines - if she hadn't already called for pizza and Chinese delivery.)

 

Thanks, Kim. Yes, those lineups and quips were funny. Had already seen them on the 'prepper' board I read - they were laughing too.

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Nothing is better than frying in lard.

Nothing.  Do not quote me on this.

 

Linda Ellerbee

Take Big Bites

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Cara Scissoria (She has lots of other themes, too.)

 

For example: Happy Textgiving  Angel Food Truck

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Gene Weingarten, writing in the Washington Post about online news stories and the accompanying readers' comments: "I basically like 'comments,' though they can seem a little jarring: spit-flecked rants that are appended to a product that at least tries for a measure of objectivity and dignity. It's as though when you order a sirloin steak, it comes with a side of maggots."

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Those are funny. I didn't guess a single title, but I liked them. Planet of the Aprons, indeed!


Nancy Smith, aka "Smithy"
HosteG Forumsnsmith@egstaff.org

"Every day should be filled with something delicious, because life is too short not to spoil yourself. " -- Ling (with permission)

"There comes a time in every project when you have to shoot the engineer and start production." -- author unknown

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The New Yorker tends to have funny (imo) food-related cartoons. Here are two recent ones: bagels  presentation

 

And my most recent favorite, currently occupying a place of honor on the fridge: chopped liver

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Gene Weingarten, writing in the Washington Post about online news stories and the accompanying readers' comments: "I basically like 'comments,' though they can seem a little jarring: spit-flecked rants that are appended to a product that at least tries for a measure of objectivity and dignity. It's as though when you order a sirloin steak, it comes with a side of maggots."

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Ooh Alex,

 

That's one thing that sends me off into Incendiary Land! Texting or otherwise fiddling around with your phone or other electronic devices at the dinner table after I have put so much effort into making a delicious, nutritious and hot meal for you. SOOO... RUDE.

 

Happy Textgiving indeed!

 

Sadly, I'm sure this happens in many households.

 

Unfortunately, my husband is a fan of playing FreeCell and taking any and all calls during the dinner hour. He's 65, so not a kid or teenager.

 

I'm try to serve a scalding hot dish, and he's hunched over the dining table, absorbed in manipulating his mouse. I put the dish to the side and let him burn himself, or better yet, I've lately taken to letting him get up and serve his own dish from the counter or stovetop. You wouldn't believe the surprised shock in his expression when I sit down and serve myself without serving him first after so many years of his being waited on hand and foot.  :biggrin:

 

There is much humor in what you posted, though, so don't let my frustration detract from it.  :smile:

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> ^ . . ^ <

 

 

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Ooh Alex,

 

That's one thing that sends me off into Incendiary Land! Texting or otherwise fiddling around with your phone or other electronic devices at the dinner table after I have put so much effort into making a delicious, nutritious and hot meal for you. SOOO... RUDE.

 

Happy Textgiving indeed!

 

Sadly, I'm sure this happens in many households.

 

Unfortunately, my husband is a fan of playing FreeCell and taking any and all calls during the dinner hour. He's 65, so not a kid or teenager.

 

I'm try to serve a scalding hot dish, and he's hunched over the dining table, absorbed in manipulating his mouse. I put the dish to the side and let him burn himself, or better yet, I've lately taken to letting him get up and serve his own dish from the counter or stovetop. You wouldn't believe the surprised shock in his expression when I sit down and serve myself without serving him first after so many years of his being waited on hand and foot.  :biggrin:

 

There is much humor in what you posted, though, so don't let my frustration detract from it.  :smile:

 

Not at all. Maybe you could buy that card and send it to him next Thanksgiving (or sooner). I did order several from her. She acknowledged the order and shipped the cards very quickly.

 

Her card "Sisters Vermicelli and Fusilli" reminds me of this cartoon from The New Yorker (20+ years ago!).

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Gene Weingarten, writing in the Washington Post about online news stories and the accompanying readers' comments: "I basically like 'comments,' though they can seem a little jarring: spit-flecked rants that are appended to a product that at least tries for a measure of objectivity and dignity. It's as though when you order a sirloin steak, it comes with a side of maggots."

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We came across this hilarious video today :)

 

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Peter: You're a spy

Harry: I'm not a spy, I'm a shepherd

Peter: Ah! You're a shepherd's pie!

- The Goons

live well, laugh often, love much

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HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

 

 

I finally got around to watching. That cake is the scariest thing I've ever seen on a screen, movie monsters and politicians included.


Gene Weingarten, writing in the Washington Post about online news stories and the accompanying readers' comments: "I basically like 'comments,' though they can seem a little jarring: spit-flecked rants that are appended to a product that at least tries for a measure of objectivity and dignity. It's as though when you order a sirloin steak, it comes with a side of maggots."

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I'd never seen that before. Apparently it was a bit of a scandal when that recipe first aired. Sandra Lee's Wikipedia page even has a whole subsection dedicated to the Kwanzaa Cake:

 

Much of the criticism of Lee has coalesced around a recipe for "Kwanzaa Cake" that she demonstrated on a 2003 episode of Semi-Homemade Cooking with Sandra Lee. The recipe consisted of angel food cake topped with icing, cinnamon, apple pie filling, pumpkin seeds and corn nuts (all store-bought), with seven Kwanzaa candles then inserted into the cake.[16]

 

Food writer Anthony Bourdain, who has been harshly critical of Lee in general, described the video clip of this segment of the show as "eye searing" and "a war crime".[17][18][19] The cake was called "scary" by the Houston Chronicle,[20] and "the most ghastly-sounding dish in Lee's culinary repertoire" by Tulsa World.[21]Salon.com wrote that the video "takes pride of place in the pantheon of hilarious culinary disaster videos".[22]

 

Cookbook author Denise Vivaldo, who claims to have ghostwritten recipes for many celebrity chefs, wrote a humorous post in The Huffington Post in December 2010 stating that she was responsible for the recipe (though she said that the candles were Lee's idea), and apologizing for it, saying that she collaborated with Lee only for the money. She also wrote that Lee "has incredibly bad food taste".[23] A week later, the post was removed, after Lee's lawyer threatened legal action.[24]

 

Lee has said that this recipe is the only one of hers whose criticism she has taken to heart, and that the recipe was partly due to the Food Network dictating the show's content at the time.[24]

 

 

"A war crime." Classic!

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