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Food Funnies


Keith_W

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6 minutes ago, Thanks for the Crepes said:

 

Believe it or not, there's a book about that.

 

I never purchased that book, but I looked through it many times in bookstores.  First of all, I think "Manifold Destiny" is one of the all-time best American pun titles.  Second, I loved that it gave cooking times in miles instead of hours and minutes. xD

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Nancy Smith, aka "Smithy"
HosteG Forumsnsmith@egstaff.org

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"Every day should be filled with something delicious, because life is too short not to spoil yourself. " -- Ling (with permission)
"There comes a time in every project when you have to shoot the engineer and start production." -- author unknown

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How To Cook A Healthy Baby.

 

In my new rental apartment there is a new induction type microwave -  something I've never used. I have been unable to find an instruction book, but then I can't find anything in this maze of unopened boxes and bags.

I decided to have a look at the control panel, not that it helped much despite being bingual. But I'm delighted that it has a setting for cooking healthy babies to perfection - and you wouldn't want to cook an unhealthy one, would you?

 

20170428_163515.thumb.jpg.f6968606452e3b8042677196468c2997.jpg

 

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...your dancing child with his Chinese suit.

 

The Kitchen Scale Manifesto

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 It is difficult to push the like button for a microwave that cooks babies!  Do you have any clue from the Chinese characters, what is an appropriate translation?

Edited by Anna N (log)

Anna Nielsen aka "Anna N"

...I just let people know about something I made for supper that they might enjoy, too. That's all it is. (Nigel Slater)

"Cooking is about doing the best with what you have . . . and succeeding." John Thorne

Our 2012 (Kerry Beal and me) Blog

My 2004 eG Blog

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1 hour ago, Anna N said:

 It is difficult to push the like button for a microwave that cooks babies!  Do you have any clue from the Chinese characters, what is an appropriate translation?

 

 

Nope. The English is an accurate translation of the Chinese. I reckon it must be the work of a Swiftian.

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...your dancing child with his Chinese suit.

 

The Kitchen Scale Manifesto

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34 minutes ago, liuzhou said:

 

Nope. The English is an accurate translation of the Chinese. I reckon it must be the work of a Swiftian.

 

...but with the exchange rate and shipping costs, who could afford Irish babies?

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“Who loves a garden, loves a greenhouse too.” - William Cowper, The Task, Book Three

 

"Not knowing the scope of your own ignorance is part of the human condition...The first rule of the Dunning-Kruger club is you don’t know you’re a member of the Dunning-Kruger club.” - psychologist David Dunning

 

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11 minutes ago, pastrygirl said:

One man's response to kitchen clutter:  

http://www.justincousson.com/passiveaggressive-art-gallery/

 

Love it! Bully for this guy's sense of humor, but nasty disrespectful behavior in MY kitchen will turn me into a(n) passive-aggressive, screaming (rhymes with witch). I have to admit, that makes his take even funnier. xD

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> ^ . . ^ <

 

 

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2 hours ago, liuzhou said:

 

That truly explains everything.  Reminds me of language lessons my pub mates used to give me, trying to teach me how to talk proper in York.  We had a fine time of it. xD

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Nancy Smith, aka "Smithy"
HosteG Forumsnsmith@egstaff.org

Follow us on social media! Facebook; instagram.com/egulletx; twitter.com/egullet

"Every day should be filled with something delicious, because life is too short not to spoil yourself. " -- Ling (with permission)
"There comes a time in every project when you have to shoot the engineer and start production." -- author unknown

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4 hours ago, liuzhou said:

 

"This is not a broiler, because broil is not a word."

 

"However, the bread roll can also be referred to as a bun, dinner roll, bap, cob, barm, kaiser roll, bread cake, barm cake, batch, muffin, softie, or buttery, depending on where you are. This is a perfectly reasonable state of affairs." 

 

xD

> ^ . . ^ <

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

This is a recipe posted in a sailing forum I monitor:

 

BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN

Ingredients:
6-7 lb. chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing
1 cup uncooked popcorn
salt/pepper to taste

 

Method:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt and pepper.
Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. 
Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. 
Listen for popping sounds. 
When the chicken's ass blows the oven door open and the chicken stuffing/popcorn flies across the galley, it is done.

  • Like 8

Cape Town - At the foot of a flat topped mountain with a tablecloth covering it.

Some time ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.

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I gave my brother a collection of goofy hot sauces, and thought I bought them from Penzy's years ago.  I don't think they carry it anymore. Had a huge catalog of them. I do remember getting him the Nuclear Hell hot sauce, the Colon Blaster,  and the Grim Reaper- complete with the black hood and cloak, and a few more. He thought it was hysterical and kept all the bottles.  

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-Andrea

 

A 'balanced diet' means chocolate in BOTH hands. :biggrin:

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  • 1 month later...

Pearls Before Swine, on taking pictures of one's food.

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"There is no sincerer love than the love of food."  -George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman, Act 1

 

"Imagine all the food you have eaten in your life and consider that you are simply some of that food, rearranged."  -Max Tegmark, physicist

 

Gene Weingarten, writing in the Washington Post about online news stories and the accompanying readers' comments: "I basically like 'comments,' though they can seem a little jarring: spit-flecked rants that are appended to a product that at least tries for a measure of objectivity and dignity. It's as though when you order a sirloin steak, it comes with a side of maggots."

 

"...in the mid-’90s when the internet was coming...there was a tendency to assume that when all the world’s knowledge comes online, everyone will flock to it. It turns out that if you give everyone access to the Library of Congress, what they do is watch videos on TikTok."  -Neil Stephenson, author, in The Atlantic

 

"In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual." -Galileo Galilei, physicist and astronomer

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10 minutes ago, Alex said:

Pearls Before Swine, on taking pictures of one's food.

LOL Yup. The chef I worked with when I was going to culinary school had a saying: "We may eat with the eyes first, but we eat with the mouth *most.*" She was not one for prettifying plates with frills and furbelows, needless to say. 

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“Who loves a garden, loves a greenhouse too.” - William Cowper, The Task, Book Three

 

"Not knowing the scope of your own ignorance is part of the human condition...The first rule of the Dunning-Kruger club is you don’t know you’re a member of the Dunning-Kruger club.” - psychologist David Dunning

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
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"There is no sincerer love than the love of food."  -George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman, Act 1

 

"Imagine all the food you have eaten in your life and consider that you are simply some of that food, rearranged."  -Max Tegmark, physicist

 

Gene Weingarten, writing in the Washington Post about online news stories and the accompanying readers' comments: "I basically like 'comments,' though they can seem a little jarring: spit-flecked rants that are appended to a product that at least tries for a measure of objectivity and dignity. It's as though when you order a sirloin steak, it comes with a side of maggots."

 

"...in the mid-’90s when the internet was coming...there was a tendency to assume that when all the world’s knowledge comes online, everyone will flock to it. It turns out that if you give everyone access to the Library of Congress, what they do is watch videos on TikTok."  -Neil Stephenson, author, in The Atlantic

 

"In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual." -Galileo Galilei, physicist and astronomer

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2 hours ago, pastrygirl said:

 

Sign me up!

 

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Cooking is cool.  And kitchen gear is even cooler.  -- Chad Ward

Whatever you crave, there's a dumpling for you. -- Hsiao-Ching Chou

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