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Food Products That Really Suck and Should Never Be Made


weinoo
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I'm wondering if there might not be a vast difference in salmon-jerky quality between what one might get while in, say, the Pacific NW vs. what one might get in an airport shop or pre-packaged at Trader Joe's?

Mitch Weinstein aka "weinoo"

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Was it you baby...or just a Brilliant Disguise?

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Salmon jerky.

Is there something called salmon jerky? The US Pacific NW aboriginal peoples make a dried smoked salmon thing that could be considered salmon jerky, but I find it delicious -- deeply flavored of smoky wood and chewy salmon.

That has to be something completely different. The stuff I'm talking about was made by one of the larger jerky companies (it's one of the brands you find at Whole foods, but I can't remember the name), and had such a bizarre astringent effect, it was essentially inedible, although I tried, because it ran about $9 for the packet, and this is at least half a dozen years ago. I just could not get it down.

I'm wondering if there might not be a vast difference in salmon-jerky quality between what one might get while in, say, the Pacific NW vs. what one might get in an airport shop or pre-packaged at Trader Joe's?

After trying this, I concluded it was some sadist's idea of an amusing of novelty item, but apparently it's really popular (which I just discovered when I did a search for it, to see whether I recognized an image of the packet), so there must be a difference in the various kinds.

Michaela, aka "Mjx"
Manager, eG Forums
mscioscia@egstaff.org

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  • 2 weeks later...

Fatless Half & Half.

dcarch

This is a product that gets daily use in our house. It is clearly not half and half. It is non-fat milk processed in a way that gives the same mouth feel that half and half does. My wife uses it every day in her coffee. I drink my coffee black, but I will use it on my bowl of morning flakes. Just like American cheese it is a product of so called "modernist" techniques. If Myhrvold and his gang of merry pranksters had touted a way to produce a product that mimics half and half out of non-fat milk it would have been greeted as a wonderful revolutionary product by the many modernist cuisine groupies with perhaps its very own EG topic to go along with the millions of other modernist ones.

Instead, since it is a product of industrial dairy producers, it is derided as dreck. The manipulation of traditional products by application of additives and techniques can be done in a high falutin fancy food lab or in a big industrial facility. The concept is one in the same.

So, if you don't like this product don't use it. For those who may wish to limit their dairy fat intake, but still like the mouth feel of half and half it is not hat bad of a thing

Edited by lancastermike (log)
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Interesting that you found the nonfat half-and-half to have the same mouthfeel as, er, full half-and-half. I didn't have the same experience, and had decided it must be an industrial hoax. I continue to use the real thing, but I'm glad to know that the nonfat stuff actually works for some people and isn't some cheap marketing ploy after all.

Nancy Smith, aka "Smithy"
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"Every day should be filled with something delicious, because life is too short not to spoil yourself. " -- Ling (with permission)

"There comes a time in every project when you have to shoot the engineer and start production." -- author unknown

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Fatless Half & Half.

dcarch

This is a product that gets daily use in our house. It is clearly not half and half. It is non-fat milk processed in a way that gives the same mouth feel that half and half does. My wife uses it every day in her coffee. I drink my coffee black, but I will use it on my bowl of morning flakes. Just like American cheese it is a product of so called "modernist" techniques. If Myhrvold and his gang of merry pranksters had touted a way to produce a product that mimics half and half out of non-fat milk it would have been greeted as a wonderful revolutionary product by the many modernist cuisine groupies with perhaps its very own EG topic to go along with the millions of other modernist ones.

Instead, since it is a product of industrial dairy producers, it is derided as dreck. The manipulation of traditional products by application of additives and techniques can be done in a high falutin fancy food lab or in a big industrial facility. The concept is one in the same.

So, if you don't like this product don't use it. For those who may wish to limit their dairy fat intake, but still like the mouth feel of half and half it is not hat bad of a thing

Hm... isn't this a topic about subjective dislikes? I dont think anyone necessarily expects agreement regarding their views (after all, masses of people adore Irish cream liqueurs, even if I think they're unspeakably vile), we're just taking the opportunity to grouse, here, these aren't personal digs.

Regarding fat-free half and half, I can't say my (intentionally limited) my experience of it is that its mouth-feel is similar to that of the real thing (something I don't love either), and if I was required to consume it in any recognizable form, I'd be really miserable.

If no one else has done it yet, I'd add to this list virtually any diet substitue for any sweet/rich ingredient or food; they may serve an important role, but I've never had one that wasn't pretty ghastly; I'd rather just skip the whatever-is-being-replaced altogether, I can deal with no food better than lousy food.

Michaela, aka "Mjx"
Manager, eG Forums
mscioscia@egstaff.org

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Fatless Half & Half.

dcarch

This is a product that gets daily use in our house. It is clearly not half and half. It is non-fat milk processed in a way that gives the same mouth feel that half and half does. My wife uses it every day in her coffee. I drink my coffee black, but I will use it on my bowl of morning flakes. Just like American cheese it is a product of so called "modernist" techniques. If Myhrvold and his gang of merry pranksters had touted a way to produce a product that mimics half and half out of non-fat milk it would have been greeted as a wonderful revolutionary product by the many modernist cuisine groupies with perhaps its very own EG topic to go along with the millions of other modernist ones.

Instead, since it is a product of industrial dairy producers, it is derided as dreck. The manipulation of traditional products by application of additives and techniques can be done in a high falutin fancy food lab or in a big industrial facility. The concept is one in the same.

So, if you don't like this product don't use it. For those who may wish to limit their dairy fat intake, but still like the mouth feel of half and half it is not hat bad of a thing

Hm... isn't this a topic about subjective dislikes? I dont think anyone necessarily expects agreement regarding their views (after all, masses of people adore Irish cream liqueurs, even if I think they're unspeakably vile), we're just taking the opportunity to grouse, here, these aren't personal digs.

But some of us like to turn everything into a personal dig.

And if we're gonna dig on Myrhold and his gang of merry-pranksters, we might as well go back to the caveman who first applied fire to whatever it was he had just killed. Or at least to 1929 and Mr. Birdseye.

Mitch Weinstein aka "weinoo"

Tasty Travails - My Blog

My eGullet FoodBog - A Tale of Two Boroughs

Was it you baby...or just a Brilliant Disguise?

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packaged shredded cheese with cellulose powder .. .. I want my cheese to come from milk not trees..

"Why is the rum always gone?"

Captain Jack Sparrow

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packaged shredded cheese with cellulose powder .. .. I want my cheese to come from milk not trees..

I don't know what that is -- perhaps a regional thing?

But if we're going regional... Canada (or at least Ontario) sells frozen Angus Beef Hamburgers. So what's wrong with that, you ask? Well, if an unsuspecting person buys this product and cooks it, that unsuspecting person will find out that the "hamburgers" are actually flat meatballs, flavored with garlic, salt, pepper and various herbs. They don't taste anything like hamburgers and have a penetrating artificial smell and flavor. Ugh and urp. You cannot find a plain frozen actual hamburger that has not been flavored. And the other day when I bought what I thought was "ground turkey" (since that is how it was labeled) I discovered that it, too, had been flavored with garlic, salt, pepper, herbs, etc. Gaak.

The only good thing about the "ground turkey" was that I had to use it in something that would disguise the flavors and came up with a wonderful chili with beans and ground turkey that was really delicious.

In fairness to the supermarkets, most restaurants, at least in Toronto, serve flat flavored meatballs rather than nice ground beef in their "hamburgers", so there's that.

Why flavor all the ground meat, Canada? What's up with that?

Edited by SylviaLovegren (log)
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Why flavor all the ground meat, Canada? What's up with that?

I live in Toronto, Ontario and have no idea what you're referring to. Sure, there are burgers that have seasoning, but you can get just plain beef burgers as well.

No idea about the ground turkey. I regularly see Maple Leaf ground turkey in the grocery stores, haven't tried it, but I use their ground chicken, and it isn't seasoned at all.

Not saying you don't see seasoned ground meat, but it's hardly the norm.

Thanks

Brian

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Why flavor all the ground meat, Canada? What's up with that?

I live in Toronto, Ontario and have no idea what you're referring to. Sure, there are burgers that have seasoning, but you can get just plain beef burgers as well.

No idea about the ground turkey. I regularly see Maple Leaf ground turkey in the grocery stores, haven't tried it, but I use their ground chicken, and it isn't seasoned at all.

Not saying you don't see seasoned ground meat, but it's hardly the norm.

Thanks

Brian

It could just be the supermarkets in my area. All of the frozen burgers are pre-seasoned -- at the Loblaws, the Sobeys, the FreshCo and the No Frills. I get delicious non-seasoned grass fed ground beef at the local butcher. :) Edited by SylviaLovegren (log)
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a lot of pre-shredded cheese has and anti-caking agent added: thats the cellulose. but it might come from veg and not trees

:huh:

or even cotton, .. I am well aware of what it is used for, anti-caking, mouthfeel for certain products , or to bump up fibre, I just have no use for it. There are generally better products without it available . It has become so pervasive it is almost impossible avoid without giving up prepared foods in general though.

the funny thing is that those of us old enough to remember, used to make fun of the kids that ate cellulose in art class . Or paste as it was called when I was in school..

"Why is the rum always gone?"

Captain Jack Sparrow

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the funny thing is that those of us old enough to remember, used to make fun of the kids that ate cellulose in art class . Or paste as it was called when I was in school..

But paste was yummy!

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Fatless Half & Half.

dcarch

This is a product that gets daily use in our house. It is clearly not half and half. It is non-fat milk processed in a way that gives the same mouth feel that half and half does. My wife uses it every day in her coffee.------------------------ but still like the mouth feel of half and half it is not hat bad of a thing"

I think I am turned off by the name "Fat-less Half & Half".

I sometimes do use non-dairy creamer. I sometimes buy Imitation Crab Legs and Chinese Mock Chicken, but I am not buying Crab-less Crab Legs or No-Chicken Chicken.

dcarch

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I feel the same way about margarine. It's horrible and in no way resembles butter. The folks behind the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" margarine have obviously never eaten the real deal.

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  • 4 years later...

Oh, the horror...

Stouffer's Seasoning Wraps

They're pieces of paper with spice/herb seasonings stuck on them. You're supposed to use a non-stick skillet and no fat, wrap the protein in the seasoned paper and press on the paper-wrapped protein so the seasoning will stick to the protein. Then fry/saute it, paper and all. Then make sure you throw away the paper before consuming the now-seasoned protein. O.o

The "wraps" come in four flavors: 

Italian Countryside Herb
Lemon Dill
Roasted Garlic and Lemon
Roasted Tomato Herb

 

Clicking on the link above will take you to the product page. Click on one of the "wrap" products and on the new page scroll down for the cooking instructions.

 

Maybe I'm over-reacting about this new product.

Could the "wraps" just be "training wheels" for new cooks? Or is it really just the very bad idea I think it is?

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“Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'

Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.”

– From Fox TV’s “Family Guy”

 

Tim Oliver

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 With salt the first ingredient, and I am not a salt-phobe, and a list price of $1.98 per,  I think I’ll stick with my spice and herb collection.  When I’m feeling particularly lazy which can happen fairly often I will sprinkle the necessary seasoning on to my cutting board a la Jamie Oliver and press my protein into it.   No fear of paper fires. 

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Anna Nielsen aka "Anna N"

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