Always the guest and never the host

[PSmith]

I had a bit of rant to my OH the other day.

We are part of a circle of friends - three couples. All six of us gathered round our house last weekend for another meal that we had prepared and cooked.

It wasn't until after they had gone, the we realised that neither of the other two couples had ever cooked for us. One had invited us round for a take-away, but we always seem to go out for a meal when we visit them. We have known them for a number of years and they have probably eaten round our house about 10 times.

Now I do know that they do cook - so it is not a case of not having the skills.

Am I petty to be annoyed by this?

[Mjx]

No idea of whether or not it's petty to feel this way, but it's possible that they just feel they could never come up to scratch. Especially if you tend to talk about a food a good deal, and to be highly critical (in both positive and negative ways), they may have received the impression that whataver they did, it might seem sub-par, by your standards.

Perhaps you could suggest their being the ones to host a picnic (or something of that sort), which is implicitly casual?

[ChrisTaylor]

I'd suspect it's a lack of confidence in their cooking. A sense you set a standard that cannot match or surpass. I wouldn't attribute it to rudeness.

[BrooksNYC]

Without knowing their minds, it's impossible to second-guess your friends' reasons for not hosting.

For what it's worth, there are people (I'm one of them) for whom entertaining is a miserable ordeal. I much prefer taking friends out to dinner. I'm convinced that when the host is relaxed, everyone has a better time.

[FrogPrincesse]

I had a bit of rant to my OH the other day.

We are part of a circle of friends - three couples. All six of us gathered round our house last weekend for another meal that we had prepared and cooked.

It wasn't until after they had gone, the we realised that neither of the other two couples had ever cooked for us. One had invited us round for a take-away, but we always seem to go out for a meal when we visit them. We have known them for a number of years and they have probably eaten round our house about 10 times.

Now I do know that they do cook - so it is not a case of not having the skills.

Am I petty to be annoyed by this?

Same observation here... but in the end that's ok. Most of our friends don't enjoy cooking as much as I do. When I get annoyed is when we don't get invited back after many times at our place (which is rare fortunately). When we get invited, it does not matter if the host decides to cook for us or has some other plans. In the end if we have a good time together it's all that matters.

[heidih]

I have found that the ones that do not invite you back make a stressful mess when they do. Dinner finally served hours after invited and the like with worry wrinkles on their brows.But usually those same folks reciprocate in other ways so it all balances,

[Broken English]

Some good family friends are like this, we never go to their house for dinner because they're not that confident with their cooking and would rather I cooked (which I'm happy to do), instead they just always provide the wine whenever they come around. It's a good arrangement.

[slkinsey]

Some people just don't entertain, or know how to entertain, or have a home or equipment for entertaining.

[lesliec]

I think sometimes those of us who can cook, and enjoy it, and like to talk about it, intimidate those who might be quite capable but just aren't as interested or confident as we are. There's more than one couple who haven't reciprocated after dinner at our place, and I can't put it all down to my aftershave ... some have actually said they don't think they could do anything to my standards, which, although perhaps flattering, is also mildly annoying.

I haven't seen it recently, but somebody on eGullet has a quote in their signature to the effect that being a foodie simply means you like food, in the same way that enjoying being tied up doesn't mean you don't still like the missionary position. (I really MUST do some searching for the original quote. I remember it being far more succinct that that!)

We found a solution with one couple we regularly entertained. N is very competitive but felt she was struggling to keep up (I wasn't competing; I was just doing interesting things because I wanted to). Her suggestion was, each time one of us cooked for the other, we'd have to make something we'd never done before. And it worked. The side benefit was, presumably because she had to think about it a bit more, her cooking improved.

[PSmith]

I haven't seen it recently, but somebody on eGullet has a quote in their signature to the effect that being a foodie simply means you like food, in the same way that enjoying being tied up doesn't mean you don't still like the missionary position.

LOL - I love that!!! Exactly my view too and my friends know this. I have even cooked them hot dogs (Princes from a tin) in the past.

[ruthcooks]

I had a friend years ago who told me she wanted to have my family over for dinner, but felt inadequate to cook for me. I told her it was easy: just throw a steak on the grill and bake potatoes--we hardly ever had steak at home. She did just that and we were all happy as could be.

P.S. Steak was a lot cheaper back then!