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Just Jim

Presumptuous Waitress

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I dunno. I just suspect she was trying to get the order right. So many people order diet Coke that she probably wanted to be sure you wanted regular Coke so you wouldn't return it. Her memory is probably not so good that she remembered when you asked for refill and certainly not when you returned the second time.

You, and everyone else who responded similarly, could very well be right.

Still bugs me a bit though.

Imagine if you go to see a plastic surgeon to fix your nose that was broken as a child.

You walk in and the doctor says "Oh, we could fix your chin, no problem".

You just shouldn't make assumptions.

I assume most of you agree with me.

:unsure:

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I agree that waitressing is a service industry and, in this instance, you, as the customer, are right.

However, maybe you're being a little thin skinned? 

Your BMI is at least 38 (6'2", 300+lbs).  Maybe she felt that she was trying to help or couldn't understand why you wouldn't want to save a few calories.

So when it's time for dessert, she should ask everyone else in my party if they'd like dessert, and turn to me and say "but not you, right?".

As far as her helping me, I don't think that's her place.

If it were I should be able to reciprocate and offer to go over the S.A.T. practice tests with her.

Should I tell her "it's your first day, huh?" ?

I know I'm big.

She knows I'm big.

Now all of you know I'm big too.

It's not a problem.

It's not like I'm trying to hide it, or have an issue with it.

How about if you showed up at a restaurant with an extremely good looking person of the opposite gender, and the waitress said "you two aren't together right?"

You know, because you are so hideous you couldn't possibly be standing next to one of the beautiful people.

It's presumptuous, and whether you have an issue with it or not isn't really the point.

It just shouldn't happen.

:biggrin:

IMO, you're overreacting to this whole thing. Most of us agree that she did the wrong thing. However, some of us are trying to explain why it might not have been done maliciously or why it wasn't a big deal.

I think your extrapolation of what happened to you to your "you two aren't together..." scenario is ludicrous. That would be malicious and mean-spirited. You think her comments were equally nasty?

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Without being there, I suspect that she is just trying to get the order right. Perhaps if she changed her wording to, "Diet or regular?", there wouldn't be this issue to discuss. This whole thread is about "making assumptions"....well, isn't it an assumption that she is asking "diet" because she is concerning herself with your weight?

I mean, she could say, "Diet, Zero, caffeine-free?", etc. depending on the restaurant's offerings....but I suspect there are 2- diet and regular- and she simply asks about the one that is more "specialized" than the "regular" option. I'd suspect that if the place carried "caffeine-free", she might ask that as well.....does that mean the customer appears to be a nervous, twitchy person who needs to lay off the stimulants?

Some of the analogies that are being made seem to stretch us farther from the issue at hand, in my VERY humble opinion.....it appears she is simply listing one of the two sub-options to what she perceives as a bigger category that was raised by you, the customer. If she commented on your dining partner(s) without the issue being raised by you, yep, there are likely some sort of assumptions on her end that are prompting her to comment. If she brought up dessert and skipped you or automatically opted you out, I'd wonder what her deal was. But given the relative simplicity of this choice (diet or regular), versus the MULTIPLE options that are presented by plastic surgery consultation, condom purchasing, etc. I think she's going with whatever gives her the best accuracy with the fewest syllables. :wink:

I respectfully submit these 2 cents as a person who often has assumptions made about her, but who figures out what's at the root of them before working to respectfully set the record straight if I'm to have continued contact with the party.....otherwise, I'm perpetuating the same disservice that they are (or are not) practicing. Even better, sometimes I find out that their questions were prompted by things that I would have NEVER guessed. :laugh:

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I certainly wouldn't think the waitress were making an implied commentary about my personality if I ordered coffee and she said, "decaf?"

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I was at a chain restaurant awhile back with my daughter.

The waitress took our order, asking for our drink choices.

When I said "coke", she said "diet?".

I said no, and I let it go.

Later, she asked if I wanted a refill, and asked what I was drinking.

I said "coke", she said "diet?".

I grimaced, said no, and let it go.

We returned a month or so later, same waitress.

When it came time for the drinks, I said "coke", and she said "diet?".

Okay, I know I'm not a small man (6'2", 300+ lbs), but this is getting on my nerves.

I haven't been back since for fear that it would happen again and I would lose my shoe in her rectal area.

Next time, have a friend order a coke first and see what she says. But honestly I don't think she was making any judgements. I often have people ask if I want diet as well when I order a "coke", and I never thought they were making a judgement of any kind. I just assume that everyone orders diet now and that they want to be sure that I really want regular.

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Or you could just say "Regular Coke, please."

Yes I could.

But then we wouldn't have a thread that stretched into it's second page, with some people being exasperated with me.

Where's the fun in that?

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If I met that waitress I would ask her:

Why are you giving me a straw with my glass of water? Isn't the glass clean?

Why did you put ice in my glass of water?

Can't you refill my glass of water without dropping ice cubes?

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Or you could just say "Regular Coke, please."

Yes I could.

But then we wouldn't have a thread that stretched into it's second page, with some people being exasperated with me.

Where's the fun in that?

You are my first ex-husband.

I knew it.

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(beating dead horse into the ground)

I think diet coke has become the norm and so it was just a clarification. That said, you said way early on that you weren't irate about this so...

On my side of the fence, I can't tell you how many times I walked about with a mega sized plae of carcass and carbs in one hand and a dainty salad in the other, assuming that the "lil' lady" ordered the salad while Big Butch ordered the side of beef, only to find it was the other way around. You know what they say about assumptions...they make you into Jaymes' ex :raz:

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I agree that waitressing is a service industry and, in this instance, you, as the customer, are right.

However, maybe you're being a little thin skinned? 

Your BMI is at least 38 (6'2", 300+lbs).  Maybe she felt that she was trying to help or couldn't understand why you wouldn't want to save a few calories.

That would be hideous. How many calories a customer is taking in is none of the server's business! The server "can't understand" why you wouldn't want to save calories? She needs to be keeping her mind on the job, not on the customer's waistline. If I thought a server was doing that to me I would respond: "Do you think I'm fat?" and see what he or she said.

Back to the original post: If you want to avoid weird intrusive server behavior, not going to chain restaurants is a good way to start.

Did you see that I wrote that he, as the customer, is right?

I'm just saying that it could have been the manifestation of a subconscious thought on her part...not malicious although not acceptable in a service occupation either.

With regard to your comment that implies that this happens more often at a chain restaurant, could you explain that further? Maybe you are generalizing that chain restaurants hire/tolerate rude servers more than non-chain restaurants?

It is my impression that the restaurants who train servers to do things like squat next to your table to take your order, and otherwise "personalize" service, tend to be corporate chains.

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It would the same if I ordered coffee, and said I take sugar with it, and she said "Splenda?".

It's a presumption she should not make.

My daughter worked her way through grad school waiting tables at a very nice restaurant where customer service was primo, so I asked her about this.

She said that they're told to double-check the diet thing on all soda orders when diet isn't specifically mentioned.

And, by the way, she also said that when people ask for sugar, they bring it, along with the Splenda, Sweet & Low, etc.

And that nobody thus far has acted insulted.

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And that nobody thus far has acted insulted.

And as far as my waitress could tell, neither did I.

It just gave me pause, as I've never experienced this before.

Oh, and Jaymes, I'm not your ex.

If I were, I wouldn't blame you for making me your ex.

My wife is destined for sainthood for tolerating me for almost 22 years.

Nope, I'm not Mike.

I'm just Jim.

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I agree that waitressing is a service industry and, in this instance, you, as the customer, are right.

However, maybe you're being a little thin skinned? 

Your BMI is at least 38 (6'2", 300+lbs).  Maybe she felt that she was trying to help or couldn't understand why you wouldn't want to save a few calories.

That would be hideous. How many calories a customer is taking in is none of the server's business! The server "can't understand" why you wouldn't want to save calories? She needs to be keeping her mind on the job, not on the customer's waistline. If I thought a server was doing that to me I would respond: "Do you think I'm fat?" and see what he or she said.

Back to the original post: If you want to avoid weird intrusive server behavior, not going to chain restaurants is a good way to start.

Did you see that I wrote that he, as the customer, is right?

I'm just saying that it could have been the manifestation of a subconscious thought on her part...not malicious although not acceptable in a service occupation either.

With regard to your comment that implies that this happens more often at a chain restaurant, could you explain that further? Maybe you are generalizing that chain restaurants hire/tolerate rude servers more than non-chain restaurants?

It is my impression that the restaurants who train servers to do things like squat next to your table to take your order, and otherwise "personalize" service, tend to be corporate chains.

Maybe it was the waitress' impression that overweight people like Diet Coke, not regular Coke? Her impression was wrong in this case. Maybe yours is too.

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Oh, and Jaymes, I'm not your ex.

If I were, I wouldn't blame you for making me your ex.

My wife is destined for sainthood for tolerating me for almost 22 years.

Nope, I'm not Mike.

I'm just Jim.

Ah, Sweet Jim.

Just think what might have been.

:cool:

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Sounds like a waitress who just doesn't remember what she served a few minutes ago.

I have no problem with the question,"Diet?", once. The repetitions would annoy. I want the server to listen the first time. I don't want to have to fend off an inevitable repeat query by saying,"Coke, regular, again", each refill.


Edited by cbread (log)

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It occurred to me while reading this thread that nearly any time I order coffee these days, the wait person's response is invariably, "Decaf?" And it surprises me every time as well. But clearly it's for clarification, not that it's meant as commentary on my personality.

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