Vile Recipes

[Lilija]

Bless her heart, I guess I was wrong about dear Sandra: http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/re...6_31910,00.html   Any idea how one might even begin (or want) to eat this?

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That napoleon reminded me of her Apple Pie Napoleon. I watched with jaw dropped as she took a perfectly fine apple pie and smashed it to smithereens to make her "dessert".

From her ingredient list and per her instructions -

1 uncooked crumb top apple pie - Bake apple pie per package instructions. Let cool. Once cooled, break up pie with a fork.

On this show, she didn't bother with the monkey business of baking a frozen apple pie, she just used a store bought pie.

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Ulgh, I had a near miss with that apple pie abomination, not too long ago.

I visited my mom, one afternoon, and Sandra's show had just ended. My mom was at her computer looking up the recipe for that mess when I walked in. She's like "I might do this for Thanksgiving!" I read it over her shoulder, and after getting over my initial shock, I told her that she could make an apple pie from scratch for the amount of effort that went into this. I mean seriously, look at how complicated it is. For starters, bake a frozen pie then break it all up? Why would someone do that to an innocent apple pie? Gross gross gross. Thank God my mom wound up lazying out and just buying a Mrs. Smith's.

I never thought I would be so happy to see a plain old grocery store frozen pie, lemme tellya.

Edited January 11, 2008 by Lilija (log)

[plk]

The Ritz Mock Apple Pie will always and forever gross me out and baffle me. Aren't apples cheaper than a box of crackers? Besides, what a waste of Ritz crackers when you could be eating them with cheddar cheese.

[JimH]

My mom used to make something called American Spaghetti. 

1/2 pound of bacon fried and crumbled back into the bacon grease

1 can of condensed tomato soup, undilluted.

1 package of spaghetti noodles cooked and drained.

Mix tomato soup with the crumbled bacon and bacon grease.  Add spaghetti noodles and toss.

More like toss up.

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I would have taken that over my Mom's tuna casserole any day. You could smell it cooking from outside the house, going home for dinner was like being marched to the gallows.

[SuzySushi]

The Ritz Mock Apple Pie will always and forever gross me out and baffle me. Aren't apples cheaper than a box of crackers? Besides, what a waste of Ritz crackers when you could be eating them with cheddar cheese.

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Mock apple pie actually dates back to the Civil War (see http://hul.harvard.edu/publications/hul_no...306/haber.html) or (say other sites) pioneer days when fresh apples were in short supply. Obviously, it wasn't originally made with Ritz brand crackers. The recipe became popular again during World War II.

Edited January 11, 2008 by SuzySushi (log)

[jayejo]

Velvety Vegetable Cheese Soup

HA! As a member of Weight Watchers for a long time now (it works if you actually do it), this recipe has long floated around using Velveeta Light and a can of Rotel as well.

Yes, I've tried it. Without the frozen veg medley (or can of VegAll as some recipes call for). It's like queso soup.

I have to go hang my head in shame now...

[rwsweet]

My girlfriend's grandma sent us a bunch of their usual family recipes, most of which are really good (mmm...beef stew). However, this one had us scratching our heads.

Chicken Surprise

4-6 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 bottle Russian dressing

1 jar apricot preserves

1 package onion soup mix

Mix all in a casserole dish and bake at 350 for one hour.

Come to think of it, scratching our heads may have been a bit of an understatement of our reaction.

[MaryJ]

One of my worst childhood memories is a dish that I innocently took a bite of at a potluck.

Lime Jello with grated carrots and canned peas.

The horror! The horror!

[baroness]

"Speaking" of Jello, I had a childhood trauma with raspberry jello, raspberries, and tomato juice.........eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

[hummingbirdkiss]

this was the exact recipe I was given one day as a

"YOU MUST TRY THIS IT IS SO GOOD!!!!"

My nomination for the most unpleasant sounding recipe I have ever been given ... was asked repeatedly if I had tried and how I liked it ..no I can not say I did try it ...so it could be good I guess if you like any of these components? personally the sound of it makes me want to kack!

Tator Tot Casserole!!!

[rwsweet]

hummingbirdkiss, that is one of my girlfriend's family recipes! Although theirs is with frozen cubed hash brown potatoes. And, I have to admit, when I first saw the recipe it looked awful, but it is actually pretty good.

The Swedish meatball recipe posted earlier is definitely one of the most disgusting things in the world. It reminds me of how my sister and I would make "mixtures" with our mom's spices and condiments when we were little. I really think some cookbook writers put together the weirdest stuff they could think of as a joke to see if anyone would really make it.

My apologies to anyone who likes this recipe.

[frustrated mom]

I just don't understand these Paula Deen fudge recipes made with velveeta.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/re...6_22063,00.html

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/re...6_33769,00.html

Most of the reviews are positive, but at least not everyone has lost their taste buds.

[Catew]

this was the exact recipe I was given one day as a

"YOU MUST TRY THIS IT IS SO GOOD!!!!"

My nomination for the most unpleasant sounding recipe I have ever been given ... was asked repeatedly if I had tried and how I liked it ..no I can not say I did try it ...so it could be good I guess if you like any of these components?  personally the sound of it makes me want to kack!

Tator Tot Casserole!!!

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I just saw this on a TV show on the Discovery Channel about the Duggars -- a family which is now up to 17 (!) kids. This is one of their family staple dishes, and they are apparently known for it far and wide. When they redid their website and the recipes were briefly unavailable, they got many upset emails worrying about this recipe's future.

Their recipe is a little different from the one previously posted. I still don't want to try it.

Duggar Family Tater Tot Casserole

[dockhl]

Well, it is gross but, hell, 17 KIDS !!!! . Geez. And she makes her pancakes and rolls from scratch?

I am in AWE (seriously); I know how hard it is with one kid. God Bless these people, and I am NOT religious !

[Kim Shook]

Well, I now have positive proof that Sandra Lee is insane. I have her dessert cookbook (a gift from Mr. Kim who knows I love to hate her - I pray she never goes off the air - I want to watch and laugh forever) and her directions for popcorn balls call for you to make the caramel (melt Kraft and add 'melk') and then dip each popcorn kernel into the caramel and attach it to the next kernel ! Unfortunately, the recipe on her website is normal or I'd link to it, but if you check in the book at a library or bookstore you'll see it!

[Meanderer]

Back in the '80s, the Sioux Falls Argus Leader had a feature called Cook of the Week which published recipes submitted by readers, many of which sounded so bad to us that we saved them to amuse us in our old age. One of them was a hamburger tater tot casserole that included the obligatory cream of this or that soup(and quick oatmeal). My favorite, however, was a dish simply called Vegetable Medley:

1 package frozen broccoli

1 package frozen Brussel sprouts

1 package frozen cauliflower

1 cup cubed cheese

1 can cream of celery soup

1/4 cup milk

Cook each vegetable separately, but only half of the time(For variety, I guess, the other half of the time you can cook the vegetables all together). Combine in buttered casserole. Stir cheese through vegetables. Combine soup and milk and pour over the top. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 to 35 minutes.

The subtle genius of this recipe was its lack of specificity regarding the type of cheese to use. You could use Velveeta one evening and Cabrales the next and have a completely different experience.

Another great recipe called for a package of macaroni and cheese, a can of tuna, a can of cream of chicken, celery, or mushroom soup, butter and milk. Once again, variety. You could serve that dish on three successive days, each day using a different soup and your family would have an exciting new meal each day. Life on the northern plains was more interesting than a lot of people might have thought.

[Darcie B]

...going home for dinner was like being marched to the gallows.

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I grew up on the "cream of ____ soup" casseroles and used to like them. (Then again, I used to like my ex-husband.) Haven't made any for quite some time, though. (Casseroles, that is, not ex-husbands.)

How about the lime jello "salad" with cottage cheese? Served elegantly on a piece of iceberg lettuce, of course. I like jello, and I like cottage cheese, but that combination makes me shudder. The texture is so....wrong.

Aside about jello: at my grandfather's funeral in 2006, at the church ladies' lunch there were no fewer than 9 different jello concoctions. There may have been more - I was counting them to keep my mind occupied, but the tears may have messed up the count.

Edit for stupidity.

Edited January 15, 2008 by Darcie B (log)

[Darcie B]

... dip each popcorn kernel into the caramel and attach it to the next kernel !

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Does she have a cocktail to go with that? Enough 'tinis and I guess it might start to make sense.

[Shalmanese]

Chicken Surprise

4-6 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 bottle Russian dressing

1 jar apricot preserves

1 package onion soup mix

Mix all in a casserole dish and bake at 350 for one hour.

Come to think of it, scratching our heads may have been a bit of an understatement of our reaction.

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Surprise!

Surely the winner must be Thuderbolt Chili. The ingredients are:

4-5 strips of bacon

Lots of black pepper shakes

1 package ground beef

1/2-1 lb. frozen turkey

2 onions

1 bell pepper

1 fennel

1-2 carrots

1/2 eggplant

2/3 tsp. curry powder

2 Tbsp. crushed red pepper

1-2 Tbsp. dried rosemary

1-2 Tbsp. adobo seasoning

5-7 garlic cloves

3 Tbsp. fig jam

1/2 cup yellow mustard

1-2 Tbsp. Thai chili sauce

1-2 Tbsp. hungarian paprika

1/2 cup barbecue sauce

1/3 jar of pickles (with juice!)

1 Poblano chili

1/4 cup brown sugar

1 tsp. cinnamon

2 Tbsp. salt

1/3 cup spaghetti sauce

1/2 pint of beer

1/2-1 cup rice

1 handful of baby arugula

2/3 cup cherry tomatoes

1 small package of crushed pork rinds

1 handful of cilantro

unlimited pepper jack cheese

1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper

1 can kidney beans

1 can pinto beans

You can see a video of it being made if you go here and scroll across to the orange liquid being poured into the pot.

[Terrasanct]

That's both hard to believe and disgusting! Pickles? I think someone threw in everything from the cupboards and it didn't kill them, so it was officially a recipe.

[Lindacakes]

Don't tell anyone, but I grew up in Ohio, and my mom used to make lime jello (also known as "green" jello) with shredded carrots in it. That's actually very good compared to:

Glorified Rice

The best part of the recipe being, "When it begins to congeal, add . . . "

This is best made with those multi-colored miniature marshmallows, by the way.

What makes me hang my mouth open, however, is something you hear about in Weight Watchers quite a lot:

Coke Cake

This is when you know that Weight Watchers motto about being able to eat anything you want is just plain wrong.

[Shel_B]

I just don't understand these Paula Deen fudge recipes made with velveeta.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/re...6_22063,00.html

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/re...6_33769,00.html

Most of the reviews are positive, but at least not everyone has lost their taste buds.

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When Paula Deen appeared on Iron Chef America, she made something very similar to the fudge and cheese dessert, and the judges, although admitting to be skeptical, liked it.

shel

[abooja]

Speaking of Paula Deen and vile recipes, I'm surprised that no one has mentioned this monstrosity yet.

I can think of a lot better things to do with Krispy Kreme donuts (like eat them, plain) than to bake them up into some mushy diabetic nightmare.

Edited January 16, 2008 by abooja (log)

[hummingbirdkiss]

Speaking of Paula Deen and vile recipes, I'm surprised that no one has mentioned this monstrosity yet. 

I can think of a lot better things to do with Krispy Kreme donuts (like eat them, plain) than to bake them up into some mushy diabetic nightmare.

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that recipe made my sugar loving teeth ache!!!

Smoking a huge extra strength splif would be the only way something like this recipe could be thought of or exist (my opinion not necessarily based on personal experience or any facts I know of)

I have never watched Paula Dean and rarely have seen the Food Network to be honest ...

she made this on TV huh? wow

Edited January 17, 2008 by hummingbirdkiss (log)

[Allura]

Another great recipe called for a package of macaroni and cheese, a can of tuna, a can of cream of chicken, celery, or mushroom soup, butter and milk.  Once again, variety.  You could serve that dish on three successive days, each day using a different soup and your family would have an exciting new meal each day.  Life on the northern plains was more interesting than a lot of people might have thought.

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That one's a staple of DH's "repertoire," along with his strogonoff: ground beef, sour cream, cream of mushroom soup, garlic (at least that's fresh these days).

I confess to really liking the mac & cheese in the right mood, preferably with cream of broccolli and a second can of tuna. It's...ummm...sturdy.

[Underfoot]

So I can't say that I got this recipe from a friend, but I think it's still quite bad. I was playing this cooking game made by Ajinomoto, the huge food company famous for their popular mayonnaise, when I came upon a recipe for fruit salad that consisted of fruit and... mayonnaise. Literally chop up the fruit, add the mayo and presto! Here are some screen caps.

Sounds to me like a good way to market their mayo but a terrible way to ruin some fruit!

They also had a "bonus recipe" of parsley sauce that was milk, parsley, and, of course, mayo mixed together. Does anyone love mayonnaise enough to love these foods?!?!

Edited January 17, 2008 by Underfoot (log)