feeding friends who don't care about food

[et alors]

I probably wouldn't buy truffles for them, but I feel compelled to do the best I can for all of my friends, regardless of whether they notice.

I really don't know why good food=expensive food. It's cheaper to make homemade versions of almost anything, and most of the time it's faster as well. Cost compare nachos-- melt grated cheese (sharp cheddar/jack mix, ideally) over chips with black beans (it's okay if they are in a can)then top with chopped tomatoes mixed with a chopped sliced green onion and some cilantro. You could even fine dice half a jalepeno into it. It will take you 15 minutes on the outside, be multiple times healthier, cheaper and taste better. You will never open a can of cheese sauce again.

Frozen food is expensive! Canned is nasty and costs more than fresh! And you know, I love truffles, but friends ooh and ahh over old fashioned italian meatloaf, and nearly pass out with joy when they see grilled tenderloin. You can roast califlower, or steam broccoli and top it with Julia Child's lazy cream sauce: reduce heavy cream by half, then stir in a little nutmeg, and, if you please parmesan. Your friends will think they are at the French Laundry.

Finally I would feel like a bad human being if I put any weird chemicals in my friend's bodies, and rude if I fed them any worse than I feed myself and my family. But I'm paranoid like that.

I cook from scratch every single night, and it's only expensive when I decide to go for a fancy meat. Veggies are almost always cheap, especially at a farmer's market. Even at Whole Foods they aren't that much, compared to a box of corndogs.

I think the only problem is education. No one knows how to cook anymore. When my friends ask how I cook like this, I give them Jacque Pepin's Fast Food My Way and go out and buy another copy. I'm not some kind of kitchen genius, I just found some good cookbooks.

We should have a "teach a friend to cook" day, or something. Let's hold some interventions!

Edited November 30, 2007 by et alors (log)

[Katie Meadow]

Geez, why would you want to cook something even you wouldn't eat just because your guests have unsophisticated tastebuds?

You may not convert them, but I think most people who eat poorly are usually glad just to be fed. I wouldn't go out and buy esoteric wines or expensive ingredients that are likely to be lost on them, but I would make really nice simple food--even it it's just a perfect grilled burger with lots of fixin's--and at least try to please them. That doesn't take much more energy than making crummy food in the end. Best home-made mac 'n' cheese covers a multitude of sinful eaters, and the worst that can happen is that you have good leftovers. You could even end up being surprised by their appreciation or a change of heart.

And wouldn't you rather cook for them than have them cook for you?

[MomOfLittleFoodies]

I'm not a hardcore foodie, but I think it's important not to "write off" people who don't seem to care about food just because they don't appreciate the difference between mediocre processed crap and food prepared from scratch.

Our tastes are formed by the way we ate as children, and sometimes it takes a while for those tastes to evolve from "Hey, I love Kraft Mac and Cheese" to "That boxed Mac and Cheese stuff tastes like crap!".

I'm of the opinion that a gracious host should serve nice things to guests. Maybe not the best stuff, but nice stuff. Sure, I may not bust my butt to serve organic beef burgers with artisan buns and some spendy cheddar, fancy bacon, homemade mayo and organic veggies for people who won't appreciate it, but I'd still use fresh beef, decent store bought buns, a decent cheddar cheese and condiments and veggies. I wouldn't go and serve the cheapest possible unless I didn't want those guest to return.

Now, with pre-teens and teenagers, where quantity trumps quality, that's a different story. I have a 10 year old, rail thin son who is an eating machine. When he is really hungry, I don't think he actually tastes his food.

[cakewench]

I have to agree with some of the above teenager posts. My mother baked alot when I was young. In addition to the traditional cookies and brownies, she would also bake lots of cakes based around whatever was in season at the time. So, lots of apple cakes in the autumn, for example.

Perhaps not every single one of my friends appreciated it, but many of them did. I had a lot of comments from them about how great her baking was, and they would really look forward to visiting our house. This was no group of gourmands, just good friends from random groups at school (jocks, or drama kids, etc.)

If you only feed them Oreos, they are going to grow into adults who think baking is a Betty Crocker Warm Delight bowl.

However, I do understand the frustration behind this post, and I do sympathise. I think my usual standard is that if I'm serving it in my home, I want it to reflect well on me. Or, if the item has a place of prominence somehow in the event. Once bitten, twice shy, though. I will remember if a particular group of people refused something I put a lot of hard work into, and I will certainly not make the same mistake twice.

[Prawncrackers]

I used to find myself preaching to the unwashed all the time. As I get older I've stopped doing this as I've found that it's simply not worth the aggravation. You cannot convince anyone with a closed mind about anything, not just regarding good food but in all aspects of life. You just have to be true to yourself, be open and maintain an example for others to follow should they choose to. In the context of this topic, I would never serve a guest anything that I wouldn't be happy to have myself. Simple as that!

Why would you ever lower your standards for particular groups of people. If one week you entertain gourmet couple A with fresh lobsters, how would non-gourmet couple B feel the following week when you give them frozen breaded prawns? Couple B may normally be perfectly happy with the prawns but knowing what couple A had the previous week, they would think you liked them less! I’m not saying I pull out all the stops every time I entertain but at the very least you give your guests what you yourself would be happy to receive. Using the example above, couple B may not fully appreciate whole lobsters with their scary claws and beady eyes, but they will appreciate fat juicy prawn-tails that I’d breaded myself dipped into fresh home-made tartare sauce. If you cheat your guests you are cheating yourself.

[Bree20]

i was inspired by the forgotten food item thread, and was thinking about all the times i had purchased items for a get together, then didn't serve them because i knew they would go unappreciated....

high quality meats, seafood, cheeses, and bread top my list of things i refuse to squander on people who would be just as happy with a sloppy joe and some chips..

and groups of teenagers, FORGET about it, they'll eat anything, crappier the better for them......give them the bag of oreos, not the homemade cookies...

chocolates, coffee, what do you keep stashed for the folks who actually know what their eating and appreciate it's value???

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I wish I had your teenagers coming to my house - it would be easier and cheaper to serve a bunch of hungry teenage boys. My son is a food snob (don't know why or how he got that way ) And the rest are just as picky and seem to know there stuff (I blame the world wide web!)

I was ill last year and could not get in the kitchen for about a month - (hubby can only cook two things and pretty bad at that) so they family had to eat out for a while - when I was able to get back in the kitchen my son told me that he had been abused and was wasting away to nothing and was this grounds for a lawsuit

As for coffee - I would be called Mudd (no pun intended) if I served cheap preground coffee.

[FabulousFoodBabe]

so, you draw the line @ wine........

everyone has a stopping point........

burgers are an illustration......

what we're after is the truth..........

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Oooh, the truth! You can't handle the truth! Okay, you can. I don't serve to guests in my home or when I'm cooking in a restaurant, anything I wouldn't be happy to eat myself.

I don't draw the line at wine. I just don't pull out expensive stuff if it's someone I know will immediately ask for it to be made into a "spritzer." That doesn't mean I buy cruddy $10/bottle pink wine. Unless I know for a fact the guest feels most comfortable drinking it.

[Curlz]

OMG, this is SO timely! Just last night I was out to dinner with a group of friends (7 of us total); the place is BYO, and one of the friends and I have a case of wine that we've purchased together, but she stores b/c she has a wine fridge. She brought 2 of 'our' bottles, and 3 others were also plunked down. Two of those 3 are well known to me, and I happen to like them--but they're not of the same calibre as 'our' wine. We had one bottle of ours, and one of the others was already opened, so when it came time to open bottle #3, I suggested that we stick with the varietal of bottle #2, which we did. Bottle #4 ended up being the moscato that I brought for dessert, and my pal took home the other bottle of 'our' wine.

Today she and I spoke, and I admitted that once I realized that the rest of the crew didn't care/had no clue about what they were drinking, all I could think was, "Let's not waste that on them!" Unkind? Perhaps. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do-and it's not like we didn't have other decent wine to drink!

[laniloa]

I'm more likely to dumb down the description of the food then the actual food. I had friends over for dinner last night. I made roast chicken. I didn't tell them I'd brined it using the recipe that had been developed through trial and error by a group on an internet board and that I'd mail ordered some of the spices I can't get locally. Or that I'd spatchcocked the chicken because I like the way the skin crisps. Or that the wings went into the bag of parts I keep in the freezer for stock. We all just enjoyed the roast chicken.

[plk]

The way I look at it, you might as well use the good stuff on your friends, because even if they don't appreciate it now, maybe they will in the future. My husband and I converted our Corona-drinking friends into great appreciators of Belgian beer, so now we have people to drink our Beer of the Month deliveries with. Same with cheeses and a few other things. If you have enthusiasm for your food and see these people frequently enough, you can probably get some converts over time.

[Lora]

Are you sure you know who doesn't appreciate good food? If someone serves me food I do my darndest to be enthusiastic about it, whatever it is. I love homemade chocolate eclairs. I also love Nutter Butters. If someone gives me Nutter Butters, I would not behave in a way that indicated that I would rather have eclairs. Would they then conclude I would be "just as happy with Nutter Butters" and that eclairs would be "wasted" on me?

[Curlz]

In my case, I definitely know who amongst my crew can appreciate good food/wine when I give it to them/cook it/thrust it upon them. Trust me. There are a few who just LOVE to go to their favorite restaurants at least once a week--that is, T.G.I. Fridays. Or Applebee's.

Some of them definitely cross over, but this is why I also have food friends.

ETA: Please share your Nutter Butters.

Edited December 4, 2007 by Curlz (log)

[Lora]

In my case, I definitely know who amongst my crew can appreciate good food/wine when I give it to them/cook it/thrust it upon them.  Trust me.  There are a few who just LOVE to go to their favorite restaurants at least once a week--that is, T.G.I. Fridays.  Or Applebee's. 

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Yeah, OK, I'll definitely give you that one! I rarely go to nice restaurants ('cause I'm poor), and hard experience has shown me that, unbelievably, not everybody wants to discuss the pros and cons of various types of blue cheese or the finer points of choux paste production. So I think that I don't always "out" myself as food-obsessed. What we need is a secret handshake, a code word, or a subtle lapel pin, so we know who amongst our casual acquaintances likes the good stuff. Let's have a meeting to discuss. I'll bring the Nutter Butters.

[Kouign Aman]

We can get Gully hats, aprons, totes and tshirts - why not lapel pins? Can you see Gully on a lapel next to a small Kokopelli or two?

Aside from hostess-type feelings, I've a pragmatic reason for only serving food I want to eat. I am the one who has to deal with (aka eat) the leftovers.

Most of the time, I serve only food that appeals to me, and dont even notice how much might be left at the end. But everytime I think "well, I dont much like that but others seem to lap it up", I get stuck with nearly the entire dish left over. Blech. Its gotten me really good at packing up 'take home' for others tho. I stash what I want, and offer the rest about til its all spoken for.

Edited December 5, 2007 by Kouign Aman (log)

[JTravel]

I decided to share my "real"/traditional balsamic vinegar with my monthly women's "gourmet" group. I served it as we learned in Italy, a tiny drop onto a broken off piece of parmesan. They were confused by the concept....it was too strange. One woman "got it".......she just kept saying "I thought I'd had balsamic....but this stuff!". Just managed to rescue the bottle after one guest pulled out the little thingy that provides the one drop at a time. OH the loss there could have been if she'd upended the bottle! I'm sticking to cream cheese dip from now on with the group. Lovely ladies, but not ready for the great stuff.

[prasantrin]

I decided to share my "real"/traditional balsamic vinegar with my monthly women's "gourmet" group.  I served it as we learned in Italy, a tiny drop onto a broken off piece of parmesan.  They were confused by the concept....it was too strange.  One woman "got it".......she just kept saying "I thought I'd had balsamic....but this stuff!".  Just managed to rescue the bottle after one guest pulled out the little thingy that provides the one drop at a time.  OH the loss there could have been if she'd upended the bottle!  I'm sticking to cream cheese dip from now on with the group.  Lovely ladies, but not ready for the great stuff.

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But now you're really good friends with the woman who "got it", right?

I think if you had done a taste test, starting with cheap store-brand "balsamic" vinegars, they'd have been more appreciative of the real thing, or at least would have understood the differences between them.

I used to have a friend who insisted that all chocolate was the same--there was no difference between Hershey's and "better" quality (and "better quality didn't necessarily mean much more expensive) brands, so you'd think a "better" quality brand would be wasted on her. But then she had a "better" quality brand shortly after (a few days or maybe a week) having Hershey's, and it was a revelation. She would still eat Hershey's after that, but if a better quality bar were available, she'd go for the better one.

[feedmec00kies]

I decided to share my "real"/traditional balsamic vinegar with my monthly women's "gourmet" group.  I served it as we learned in Italy, a tiny drop onto a broken off piece of parmesan.  They were confused by the concept....it was too strange.

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I would suggest not only working up to the "good" stuff in the future, but actually explaining the custom before handing them each a piece of balsamic'ed parmesan.

After all, you can't expect people to know how things are "supposed to be done" or how special/rare something really is if no one ever told them. And this is supposed to be a "gourmet" group, so presumably they're interested in learning something and not just eating...

[Curlz]

I would suggest not only working up to the "good" stuff in the future, but actually explaining the custom before handing them each a piece of balsamic'ed parmesan.

After all, you can't expect people to know how things are "supposed to be done" or how special/rare something really is if no one ever told them. And this is supposed to be a "gourmet" group, so presumably they're interested in learning something and not just eating...

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Couldn't agree more! BUT. Some people are adamant about remaining clueless when it comes to eating or learning about food and/or its culture, history or traditions. I've learned that it's not worth my time and enthusiasm to try to get them interested. Then there are those fun moments when someone who has declared they will never eat ______ says "WOW. I never knew that's what ______ is supposed to taste like!" I'm happy to entertain/go out with people like that any day.

Open mind, open mouth...

[Nargi]

note: this is not going to be my most eloquent post ever.

if you feel the need to save the "good stuff" for yourself or people who you seem to feel can appreciate food more, then you, good sir, are a douchebag. by not allowing people with less developed palates to eat these things, you are doing nothing but continuing their "culinary ignorance", if you will. i am one of those people who grew up with parents who worked, who made me fish sticks and hot dogs every day of my childhood (and yes, i am white. very white. if it matters), and yet, someone, magically, i am an adult who enjoys a wide range of foods and flavors. and i'm a cook professionally. imagine that.

i cook the same food for everyone (except small children, and not because of the palate issue. some children have excellent palates, it's actually more of a cost issue. i can't justify giving a $40 or $50 plate to a 3 year old). i try to educate my friends who aren't necessarily food saavy and you know what happens? they then go out and try new things and try to expand their horizons.

if you won't give them the same things you eat, then they aren't your friends to begin with and you shouldn't be cooking for them. the end.