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I'm a fraud


Fat Guy

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Hi, my name is Warren,

And I ( sniff, sniff, hangs head and scuffs the floor) use packets of bechemal mix as a base for my chipped beef gravy. Not all the time but....

I know work the program....

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Ah, it's been way too long since I did a butt. - Susan Fahning aka "snowangel"

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One summers evening drunk to hell, I sat there nearly lifeless…Warren

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Boxes of cake mix which I doctor and use to make birthday cakes (e.g. more Barbie cakes that I care to admit to) for friends' children. In my defense, a) I can't see wasting "real" cake on a group of 5 year old girls who are already hopped up on frosting and soda and b) I have a very hard time getting "real" cakes to rise consistently (maybe the new stove will help) and I'm usually very pressed for time.

Bags of those individually frozen biscuits (somehow they seem slightly more like cooking than the cardboard canisters).

Cans/boxes of chicken broth since I very rarely take the time to make my own and have grown pretty fond of the organic brand currently offerred at Costco.

Canned black beans are a cheat? I'm not sure that's fair.

Feast then thy heart, for what the heart has had, the hand of no heir shall ever hold.
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I am shocked, I tell you shocked!!!  You guys totally suck.

Does using canned corn count?

There's nothing wrong with a little canned corn, especially when it is February.

Canned potatoes however is a different story - who buys those things? There should be some form of punishment for purchasing the ideal storeable food in can form - some kind of grocery jail. Mind you I've never had them - they're probably delicious.

Gee, I don't understand what the problem is since Sandra Lee on Food Network uses them to make POTATO SALAD!!! :raz:

My sins:

Canned corn

Canned beans (although I use dried as well)

Store bought pie dough (my rendition of pie dough is unfit for human consumption)

Cream of (Fill in the Blank Soup) for a variety of uses

Bottled BBQ sauce (I do doctor it up though)

Canned Greens once in a while (from the food company Glory which have pretty darned good products actually)

Bottled salad dressing also once in a while

Bisquick

I'm sure there's more................................ :wink:

Inside me there is a thin woman screaming to get out, but I can usually keep the Bitch quiet: with CHOCOLATE!!!

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Oh, I use garlic powder in my beef ribs and, worse yet, on my rib eye and lamb chops if we're not entertaining. The shame, the shame. But nothing else makes them taste like the beef my mom use to make.

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One I don't use and don't get it is canned chicken (another Sandra Lee staple come to think of it). It really doesn't take that long to poach (or grill on a countertop grill) chicken breasts/thighs in order to make chicken salad.

Also, juice in a can, especially orange or pineapple juice. It ALWAYS tastes like the can. I remember those from public school. Blecch!

Inside me there is a thin woman screaming to get out, but I can usually keep the Bitch quiet: with CHOCOLATE!!!

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Also guilty of using cake mixes on occasion. I have two recipes from my grandmother that stipulate a yellow cake mix. The first is her Heaven and Hell Cake (which is not remotely like any recipe of the same name I've ever seen, but Grandma called it that so I do too), made from a box of golden cake mix with homemade fudge frosting. The second is her pineapple upside-down cake.

I could make the cake batter myself, but I loved those cakes as a child and I still love them and I see no reason to mess with them.

The real sin is that I have let people think I baked the cakes from scratch.

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My name is Steve and I'm a <let your imagination fill in the rest>...

Some one let me watch their kids once and we ran out of milk so I made the mac and cheese with water. The kids loved it and for two years their mother wondered why my mac n cheese was better than hers. After a severe beating I broke down and confessed.

edited to add the "i" to there.

Edited by SundaySous (log)

"And in the meantime, listen to your appetite and play with your food."

Alton Brown, Good Eats

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My name is Cindy and I'm a (fraud that's learning new tricks on this thread?) My fave so far is filling the empty Grey Goose bottle with a cheaper brand when entertaining. This would be particularly helpful when entertaining a particular vodka drinker that I'm not terribly fond of. I also want to know where I can score some canned croissant dough. I have a nice spot nexted to may puff pastry dough, filo dough and pie crusts.

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Don't ask me how I know this but if you add A-1 steak sauce to catchup you can make a decent spaghetti sauce.

Okay fess' up SundaySous, since we're all telling on ourselves here, just admit that you're a regular watcher of Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee (Semi-Ho' for short)! :laugh: That "recipe" has her written all over it. :biggrin:

Inside me there is a thin woman screaming to get out, but I can usually keep the Bitch quiet: with CHOCOLATE!!!

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Don't ask me how I know this but if you add A-1 steak sauce to catchup you can make a decent spaghetti sauce.

Okay fess' up SundaySous, since we're all telling on ourselves here, just admit that you're a regular watcher of Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee (Semi-Ho' for short)! :laugh: That "recipe" has her written all over it. :biggrin:

I have no such knowledge of any such show but I will look for it now.

"And in the meantime, listen to your appetite and play with your food."

Alton Brown, Good Eats

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Hi! I was once asked to make brownies and being rushed I bought 2 boxes of Duncan Heinz extra chewy mix. I made it and as soon as it was ready travelled half an hour to a family barbeque. It was still kinda warm when we finally ate it and the crowd went wild! I did not say I used a box, just that it is the same recipe I always use (...) Since then, every year I have to bring brownies to the yearly barbeque and now Duncan H. is no longer available here!! I have to use Pillsbury Brownie mix, which does not always bake right. But no complaints!

I always felt evil about it!

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I, too, have used pre-made pizza dough (Trader Joe's - I mean, really, for a buck something, it's nice to have on-hand when I'm too lazy to make my own).

I've added garlic and a little lemon to pre-made mayo and called it aioli. Again, this came out of laziness.

And I don't really think using pre-made curry/chili pastes/sauces is cheating. It's too many ingredients that I never, ever have on-hand. The one time I made my own peanut sauce, the boyfriend begged me never, ever to do it again. lol! (for the record, I blame the recipe)

Ok, one more: I've made my own chicken stock exactly once and won't do it again for the amount of stock I go through in a week.

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I put a dollop or so of Better than Bouillon (the beef flavor) into my braises and pot roasts. Then whenever I share my recipes for said braises I never include mention of the secret additive. I actually feel so much shame about even having this product in my possession that I keep the bloody jar hidden and would probably sooner admit to possession of crack cocaine than own up to using the salty gooey-ness that is Better than Bouillon.

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And let us not forget the Lipton Onion Soup Mix as hamburger flavoring.

What, that isn't a staple?

"There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!" Terry Pratchett

 

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I have, in my professional career:

--taken NE Clam Chowder and turned it into Linguine White Clam (I was an intern and a dummy, I wonder what the people who ordered it thought of the potato chunks in their pasta??)

--Made Alfredo sauce out of skim milk and Philly cream cheese (and LOTS of parm).

--Made ceviche in the steamer

--Made cheddar cheese popcorn with the flavor packets from kraft Mac N Cheese.

--Got a 50K a year chef job using demi glace made of Knorr Mushroom Gravy base.

And the crowning one (this really works if you're in a pinch):

Steamed off thousands of clams in a dishwasher with the soap cannisters removed. Add clam juice back to the opened clams and presto! Instant clambake for 250.

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I have, in my professional career:

--taken NE Clam Chowder and turned it into Linguine White Clam (I was an intern and a dummy, I wonder what the people who ordered it thought of the potato chunks in their pasta??)

--Made Alfredo sauce out of skim milk and Philly cream cheese (and LOTS of parm).

--Made ceviche in the steamer

--Made cheddar cheese popcorn with the flavor packets from kraft Mac N Cheese.

--Got a 50K a year chef job using demi glace made of Knorr Mushroom Gravy base.

And the crowning one (this really works if you're in a pinch):

Steamed off thousands of clams in a dishwasher with the soap cannisters removed.  Add clam juice back to the opened clams and presto!  Instant clambake for 250.

I think I could follow you into combat.

"And in the meantime, listen to your appetite and play with your food."

Alton Brown, Good Eats

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