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In Praise of Dining Alone


IlCuoco

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I sit at the bar - in my experience the service is better for a solo diner.

When I've sat at the bar inevitably some guy tried to pick me up. I save us both the trouble and get a table every time now. :rolleyes:
I used to think that way, and even instructed the bartender at my regular place to not let anyone talk to me. He made an exception one night for my husband (another regular) and it's worked out rather nicely. :wink:

Heather Johnson

In Good Thyme

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Having just returned from six weeks of dining alone as a 19 year old female in China, I'm torn on the subject.

There are perks.

I love not having to debate with everyone else about what to eat. I don't have to worry that so-and-so already *had* Mexican this week and that whoever *can't stand* squid and the infinite other permutations you get into with groups. I can order whatever perverse, icky, spicy or expensive dish I want and no one gets to complain.

I also don't have to deal with people wussing out on sharing the bill. ("Oops! How did I forget my wallet?") I don't have to suddenly discover that a close friend has ridicuolously appalling table manners and that everyone around me is staring. I don't have to deal with anyone horse-laughing, getting sloshed, or being mean to the waitstaff.

In China especially, dining alone truly is a good way to meet people. Unlike in the states, the Chinese have no compunction whatsoever with seating a lone diner next to another group or another person. This can sometimes be awkward, especially when people shoot you hairy glances or are obviously dining with a signifigant other, but it more often led to my meeting people I wouldn't have otherwise met.

One night, I was dining at my usual place and was seated alongside two middle aged businessmen. They immediately took a shine to me and began plying me with baijiu (super-strong Chinese liquor), mutton chunks, and fish. They critiqued my chopstick skills and I drew them pictures of dragons and terrified sheep. The older one kept on topping off my class until I admitted I had just turned 18, whereas he responsibly cut me off; "Xiao haizi!" (Little girl.) Of course, I was already pretty drunk by then. In any case, they ended up buying me dinner and I promptly forgot their Chinese names. But I will remember their kindness. And the headache.

Another time, I popped into a deeply beloved Xi'an noodle place near the Lama Temple in Beijing. I was seated across from a beautiful Chinese woman wearing sunglasses, who I initally ignored, figuring she didn't speak any English. She immediately looked up and said, "Hi! I'm Cindy from Washington DC!" Turned out she was a banker who went to Georgetown, visiting her parents in Beijing. She was genuinely concerned with my welfare; "You're here all alone?" and insisted I take her phone number. She also managed to pay my bill without me noticing. Thankfully I never had some sort of horrible international emergency that necessitated me calling her, but I hope I can extend that same kindness to someone else next time I'm overseas....

But dining alone can really suck sometimes, especially when you're really alone, when everyone around you is celebrating a birthday or something and you're stuck with a tremendous portion of food you can't possibly finish, people glancing at you like you're some sort of desperate social outcast. Then yeah, your thoughts turn dark and you wish someone was there with you, even someone who splatters their food and hits on the waiter.....

I wonder how it is in other cultures to dine alone - China and the USA don't seem to be a big problem, but what about other places?

Edited by faine (log)
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Uncommon here in the Philippines. Usually people eating alone are out for a quick lunch away from the office or while on the run. And even more usual is having a buddy during those times. In the evening, usually the people I see dining alone are foreigners :smile:

I'm not sure what people here think of people eating alone. I think they're a little surprised to hear that I ate alone most of the time when I was in university, like I didn't have friends or anything. Actually I don't like waiting for people to get dressed, decide on a restaurant/ order when usually I am very hungry and impatient w/r/t food. (Very nauseatingly Sex and the City)

The downside of eating alone for me is that you can't go to those family style restaurants and have a wide variety of food.. That cuts my Italian choices down to Sbarro :smile:

There's not usually a choice of the bar or a table, though, as bars in restaurants (at least with seating) are rare, which is too bad because I like it when people strike up a conversation with me. It's just not something I miss or feel bad about when it's absent.

Mark

The Gastronomer's Bookshelf - Collaborative book reviews about food and food culture. Submit a review today! :)

No Special Effects - my reader-friendly blog about food and life.

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A woman I know who travels the globe nearly as much as I do abhors the thought of eating alone. She will choose room service over any of the alternatives almost every time. She believes, quite strongly, that women put themselves into situations where they’re vulnerable, or that they’re sending inadvertent messages to those watching (esp single men), when they position themselves alone.

So, to tweak the question just a bit: are women more uncomfortable, as a whole, in dining alone than men are?  Should they be?

There are some places in the world where the act of being a woman who wishes to move as an equal to men through society is made difficult. There are some places in the world where it would not be tolerated unless the individual woman has special, defined protections.

But to generalize that one must stay in a room alone whenever or wherever one travels to eat, just because one happens to be woman without male protection is very sad indeed. We've been free from being considered chattel for some small number of years now and should not enact the circumstances that chattel would be put in rather than one who would want to be considered free and equal.

I prefer to eat at the bar if there is one when alone. The formalcy of a dinner served to me at a table just doesn't make me happy though I've done it, and do remember one particularly good dinner at Lutece in just that circumstance.

I don't fear men hitting on me because I've learned the most wonderful look of disdain to put on my face if I want to be left alone (that is, if the man is not particularly adorable or fascinating :smile: ). If you really don't want it to continue, there is always the scathing "Do I know you?" Ah, the wonders of bitchery. It's a beautiful thing.

Besides the fact that the food generally is served faster at the bar, there is also the opportunity to find out things from the bartender about the area or about the restaurant. Great gossips, bartenders are. And if worse comes to worse and some male idiot does not get it that he is not wanted for conversation or for any other useful thing, a finger raised to the bartender brings them right over and the words "Could you get him to leave me alone?" does the job.

It's very sad to consider this woman travelling the world, operating as a professional person, and yet hiding in her room alone to eat. Very sad indeed. :sad:

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I don't fear men hitting on me because I've learned the most wonderful look of disdain to put on my face if I want to be left alone (that is, if the man is not particularly adorable or fascinating  :smile: ). If you really don't want it to continue, there is always the scathing "Do I know you?" Ah, the wonders of bitchery. It's a beautiful thing.

Of course there are hundreds of things one can say/do to dissuade one's admirers but sometimes one just isn't in the mood to engage in conversation with dozens of random men. It can really leave a bad taste in one's mouth, so to speak. Sad as it might be, I'd choose room service every time.

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Of course there are hundreds of things one can say/do to dissuade one's admirers but sometimes one just isn't in the mood to engage in conversation with dozens of random men.  It can really leave a bad taste in one's mouth, so to speak.  Sad as it might be, I'd choose room service every time.

Ah. It explains all that you are writing from Paris. :smile:

Are you native to France? I had more difficulties there than other places, it's true. I'd still rather try to take it on for the most part though.

The line "You may be a slut but I am not" is a good one to try. :laugh:

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Ah. It explains all that you are writing from Paris.  :smile:

Are you native to France? I had more difficulties there than other places, it's true. I'd still rather try to take it on for the most part though.

You may be on to something, heh. No, I'm not from here, and yes, I have also found it to be harder to avoid attention as a single female here. Which can be great when you want to meet someone, not so much when you don't...!

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