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In Praise of Dining Alone


IlCuoco

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While I'm sure this topic has been discussed before (perhaps ad nauseam), I, being lazy as well as antisocial, couldn't find one in the first couple of pages of new stuff and so decided to start my own.

I like dining alone. Much like natto or the song stylings of Mandy Patinkin, it's not something that I'd want every day but now and again there is something satisfying, even soothing about dining alone.

It's quiet alone. In the more casual joints I can catch up on my reading, keep an eye on the game without being rude or people watch at my leisure. In places a bit more upscale I can catch up on my inner monologue, focus on the food or simply go to my happy place while I consume. After days of meetings, client events and other times of heavy non-optional interaction, the sheer luxury of being able to dine well without making conversation is a salve to my soul.

I don't have to worry about sharing or choosing the wine that everyone likes. It's often faster. I can eat at the bar if I want.

I also like the feeling of happy loneliness at times. It's almost the opposite of being alone in a crowd, I'm with no one so I'm with everyone, grooving on the vibe of the place.

Sure, eating alone every day would suck indeed and I would never deny the bonhomie and pleasure that comes from sharing food with friends but sometimes, there's nothing like a table for one.

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The best thing I've seen written on the subject would be MFK Fisher's "A is for Dining Alone" from Alphabet for Gourmets.

It contains the story of Lucellus, a Roman general famous for hosting lavish feasts.

One evening, although no guests were expected, Lucellus ordered his cook to prepare an especially fine meal.

When the cook questioned the wisdom of preparing such an elaborate dinner when there would be nobody else there to partake, he replied it was even more important than usual, since "Tonite, Lucellus dines with Lucellus". :biggrin:

SB (gotta admit he had a pretty good point? :wink: )

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I love dining alone. It frees me up to read my newspaper or magazine (not a tacky habit in the restaurants, well, diners that I frequent) and I don't have to talk. :raz:

Dining Solo

and because it's a related, funny thread..People You've Met While Dining Alone, or Strange Dining Companions

Shelley: Would you like some pie?

Gordon: MASSIVE, MASSIVE QUANTITIES AND A GLASS OF WATER, SWEETHEART. MY SOCKS ARE ON FIRE.

Twin Peaks

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I like dining alone too. Hey, I'm good company! I like being alone with my thoughts and the opportunity to just stare off into the distance.

Here's a question: when you eat alone, do you usually ask for a table, or go to the bar?

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I like dining alone too. Hey, I'm good company! I like being alone with my thoughts and the opportunity to just stare off into the distance.

Here's a question: when you eat alone, do you usually ask for a table, or go to the bar?

Table - so I can more easily read my book. I would get very involved in my books, so much so, more than one waiter made me jump in surprise when asking if I wanted anything else.

I would generally only sit at the bar if it seemed to provide a good view of the kitchen.

When I traveled alone for work, I considered this my alone time since the rest of the day was spent on a plane or at the client's site.

I like cows, too. I hold buns against them. -- Bucky Cat.

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The best thing I've seen written on the subject would be MFK Fisher's "A is for Dining Alone" from Alphabet for Gourmets.

It contains the story of Lucellus, a Roman general famous for hosting lavish feasts.

One evening, although no guests were expected, Lucellus ordered his cook to prepare an especially fine meal.

When the cook questioned the wisdom of preparing such an elaborate dinner when there would be nobody else there to partake, he replied it was even more important than usual, since "Tonite, Lucellus dines with Lucellus". :biggrin:

SB (gotta admit he had a pretty good point? :wink: )

The quote is even better when translated as "Tonight Lucellus is feasting Lucullus". He's a sort of tragic figure in that he was never really appreciated for his victories in the east. His own 2nd in command (Clodius) helped stir up a soldier's strike and later worked to deny him a tribute and finally he was humiliated and replaced by Pompey. When he returned to Rome, he basically dropped out of politics and devoted himself to the pleasures of the flesh, particularly of the table. Not only did he throw lavish feasts more suitable for a day of thanksgiving than a private party (and certainly not suited for dining alone in the eyes of Roman society; they expected patrician restraint and flintiness from the upper crust), he also invested in giant, salt-water fish ponds to engage in breeding his own dinner (although they were more for show than sustenance). Basically, in his feasting and soft life he was giving a big F*** You to Rome (in Rubicon, Tom Holland calls it "the most flamboyant sulk in history").

Oddly, I've done something similar at times. When I was working as a consultant, it was generally expected that the team would dine together when traveling (especially during long stretches away from home). When folks really did something to piss me off, I'd inform them at the end of the day that I'd be dining alone that night. While I wasn't feasting myself per se (although I did try to eat well), I was using the same communal activity to deliver a very similar message (bet now they wish they granted me my tribute through the streets of Rome).

I have too much time on my hands....

-----------------

Just saw the question re: table or bar. Count me in as a table guy (although I was a regular at one place where they essentially held the first barstool for me on nights they were booked solid).

Edited by IlCuoco (log)
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I am a solo act...I feel exactly the same way! Love my boyfriend, friends, and fam but I enjoy my own quiet company best. LOL

There's a new book I saw recently called Alone in the Kitchen With an Eggplant, and it's a compilation of essays, recipes for one, and other goodies about the art of dining alone. I flipped through it, maybe that is the book I'll take with me next time I need a table for one!

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I like dining alone too. Hey, I'm good company! I like being alone with my thoughts and the opportunity to just stare off into the distance.

Here's a question: when you eat alone, do you usually ask for a table, or go to the bar?

I ask for a table. There's more room for my various reading materials, crosswords, side dishes, salad dressings...you get the idea. When I've sat at the bar inevitably some guy tried to pick me up. I save us both the trouble and get a table every time now. :rolleyes:

eta- shpelling correktshun

Edited by petite tête de chou (log)

Shelley: Would you like some pie?

Gordon: MASSIVE, MASSIVE QUANTITIES AND A GLASS OF WATER, SWEETHEART. MY SOCKS ARE ON FIRE.

Twin Peaks

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I like dining alone too. Hey, I'm good company! I like being alone with my thoughts and the opportunity to just stare off into the distance.

Here's a question: when you eat alone, do you usually ask for a table, or go to the bar?

I ask for a table. There's more room for my various reading materials, crosswords, side dishes, salad dressings...you get the idea. When I've sat at the bar inevitably some guy tried to pick me up. I save us both the trouble and get a table every time now. :rolleyes:

eta- shpelling correktshun

HA! Soooo true. There's not much space at the bar and if it's busy then chances are you may be jostled around a bit, then have a bunch of noise on top of that. I WILL toss back a drink or two if I need to wait for a table though!

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I do it quite often; at least once a week. My BF does not have the patience or appetite for lengthy, multi-course meals and hates tasting menus. When he travels, I immediately start planning on places that I will go and eat without him and often have the best meals solo.

Actually, I have gotten to the point where I don't even wait for him to travel. A few days ago I simply announced, "I have wanted to eat here for some time. I have reservations for one at 6:00 p.m. I'll see you around 9:00." Enough said... I dress up, grab a cab and whatever book I am reading, and head out.

Much preferable than bullying him to go with me and as I have no other city friends who are interested in joining me, I tend to dine out solo more often than with other people.

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I've been travelling a lot the past 7 years. A large portion of that is on my own, so I've had many a meal alone.

I used to really hate it. But I've gotten better at it. Still, I'm almost always sitting at the bar/counter unless it's not a full service restaurant. And I'm still very relecutant to go to a high end place all alone and get a table for one and have a really nice meal. As much as I want to go to a place like Spago when I am in L.A., I just can't pull the trigger on doing it alone. I've even tossed around the idea of going there just for dessert as a "test run" to see how I would be treated. But I am still holding off. Dunno why. I guess I think dining alone as a negative stigma attched to it, especially in a place like that.

Jeff Meeker, aka "jsmeeker"

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I travel fairly extensively and quite often find myself alone in far-flung cities, where I will seek out a good restaurant and dine, alone, at a table. Sometimes I read, but mostly I sip my wine and gaze the room, or maybe lose myself in my blackberry (no company, does that make it a social faux pas?).

But I’m a man, confident in myself, and fairly difficult to intimidate socially.

A woman I know who travels the globe nearly as much as I do abhors the thought of eating alone. She will choose room service over any of the alternatives almost every time. She believes, quite strongly, that women put themselves into situations where they’re vulnerable, or that they’re sending inadvertent messages to those watching (esp single men), when they position themselves alone.

So, to tweak the question just a bit: are women more uncomfortable, as a whole, in dining alone than men are? Should they be?

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That's a good question and I think it really all depends on your personality. I'm an extrovert and don't mind being chatted up as long as the person knows their boundaries and that when I am ready to enjoy my solitude, they respect that. Otherwise, it's a good way to make new acquaintances/friends!

When I was in Paris, this guy followed me out of the bistro and kept speaking French, even though I told him that I didn't understand a word he was saying! So finally, I pointed to myself and said, "MEEEEE - Bonsoir?!" and pointed in one direction, then pointed at him and said, "YOUUUUUU - AU REVOIR!!!" and pointed in the other. LMFAO!

He got the hint and carried his derierre on up the street though! :)

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I travel fairly extensively and quite often find myself alone in far-flung cities, where I will seek out a good restaurant and dine, alone, at a table. Sometimes I read, but mostly I sip my wine and gaze the room, or maybe lose myself in my blackberry (no company, does that make it a social faux pas?). 

But I’m a man, confident in myself, and fairly difficult to intimidate socially.

A woman I know who travels the globe nearly as much as I do abhors the thought of eating alone. She will choose room service over any of the alternatives almost every time. She believes, quite strongly, that women put themselves into situations where they’re vulnerable, or that they’re sending inadvertent messages to those watching (esp single men), when they position themselves alone.

So, to tweak the question just a bit: are women more uncomfortable, as a whole, in dining alone than men are?  Should they be?

But I'm a woman, confident in myself and extremely difficult to intimidate socially. :laugh: My mother feels very similar to your lady friend- very outdated and potentially harmful views of a lone woman in society. feh-

Shelley: Would you like some pie?

Gordon: MASSIVE, MASSIVE QUANTITIES AND A GLASS OF WATER, SWEETHEART. MY SOCKS ARE ON FIRE.

Twin Peaks

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So, to tweak the question just a bit: are women more uncomfortable, as a whole, in dining alone than men are?  Should they be?

Not THIS woman! In fact, I think we get better service and perhaps a little more special treatment. Maybe they feel sorry for us or think we can't get a dining partner, but I've been given extra courses or special wines when I'm alone.

And JSMeeker, I've done Spago alone. Bite the bullet and get thee hence, silly boy.

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A woman I know who travels the globe nearly as much as I do abhors the thought of eating alone. She will choose room service over any of the alternatives almost every time. She believes, quite strongly, that women put themselves into situations where they’re vulnerable, or that they’re sending inadvertent messages to those watching (esp single men), when they position themselves alone.

So, to tweak the question just a bit: are women more uncomfortable, as a whole, in dining alone than men are?  Should they be?

I think it might be a matter of attitude. Not to blame the victim, but I often notice that fearful women frequently seem to find themselves in difficult situations. The concept of "inadvertent messages" has never entered my head, and all these years I've just been blithely having lovely, trouble-free solo meals whenever the occasion arises.

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Attitude? no I personally don't think so(and I have travelled the globe, often alone, sometimes working, for nearly 40 years)....I believe it all boils down to sex (I refuse to use the word gender, properly reserved for grammatical useage).... I prefer to eat with someone else, to exchange views on the food, wine etc, to share the pleasure of the moment....however I have no problem dining alone. I would never read a book, I like to people watch.... however there is no doubt that when I was young I was hit on pretty well every time I ate alone unless upmarket and I am afraid to add usually in the States..... not comfortable. Now I dine in peace but was reminded of times past when in Madrid recently with my daughter...same old same old (but with a lot more subtlety)...actually we had a great laugh, esp. as one of the places had 2 Mich. stars.

ps. if alone I would still not seek out the bar to have a drink before dinner altho can be enlightening, eg. Chicago airport, missed last flight, had interesting conversation with the other lady at the bar....until a chap walked in,.....eeek

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While I definitely prefer to visit finer restaurants with friends or family, I quite like eating alone at least osme of the time--I much prefer to be able to linger over certain kinds of food (especially if there's good beer) with a book or my notebook or one of the projects I have going on.

Somehow being in the muted roar of a bar or restaurant is more conducive to me concentrating on the task at hand than being by myself in my room where it's quiet.

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:cool:

Eh...eating either way -- alone or accompanied -- can be, and usually is, a nourishment for my soul. I like dining alone, either people-watching or with a good book, and I like, just as much, to dine with someone with whom I can share impressions.

Funniest story I can tell on the subject: about four years ago, I came into a very prominent, very expensive, very well-regarded restaurant in Chicago's Lincoln Park neighborhood with a tony gastronomic magazine in hand, intending to read a bit between courses. Murphy's Law, or maybe the chef's professional pride, struck: for the rest of the evening, I got no time whatever to read at all. I was greeted at the door by name and told it'd been much much too long since I'd visited. (Huh? Wha'?) When I wasn't being served and having the list of ingredients and preparation of each course graciously described to me, or actually eating (and I should mention: the meal was as stellar as the tab was stratospheric), a parade of waitstaff on whose stations I'd eaten before came by to say 'hello.' My own server cruised through while I ate each course, asking how I liked it. The sommelier came through to discuss the pairing for each course, at length, and inviting debate and contrasting opinions. Which invitation I never ever refuse. Bus-staff circulated, keeping my table perpetually crumbed and removing dead plates/silver/wineglasses, and even the most English-challenged among them managed a polite smile and a "You enjoying? Yes?" I left with a cookbook gift and a most bemused grin on my face.

Certainly nobody twigged, and I can't *prove* that there was a smiling conspiracy at the back of the house to keep my nose out of the reading matter -- but I can tell you that even though there was only one name on the reservation, I certainly didn't dine alone that night.

It was great.

:biggrin:

Me, I vote for the joyride every time.

-- 2/19/2004

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Certainly nobody twigged, and I can't *prove* that there was a smiling conspiracy at the back of the house to keep my nose out of the reading matter -- but I can tell you that even though there was only one name on the reservation, I certainly didn't dine alone that night. 

It was great.

:biggrin:

Perhaps your name is similar to that of a prominent local food critic?

SB (doesn't think he could pass as "Zagats", but it might be worth a try? :wacko: )

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:laugh::laugh::laugh:

Nice thought, but no cookie. I bear no resemblance of face or voice or even taste to any of Chicago's prominent critics. Neither my face or my name should be known at that restaurant -- I don't think, anyhow! -- for anything more distinctive than a credit card that doesn't flinch at large tabs. And at that place, high rollers are so common as to not rate even a raised eyebrow.

I go there maybe once every year, or every other year, depending on whether and how the paychecks are biting, simply to see how the culinary art is developing through this one favorite chef's particular practice. There's no reason I can see, beyond a certain pride in maintaining my constant focused attention, I guess, why I would be so...umm...cultivated. It was sure-hell fun, though!

:cool:

Me, I vote for the joyride every time.

-- 2/19/2004

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I love eating alone, especially at fine dining restaurants. I travel a fair bit, and it's a great way to start chatting with people.

Probably my weirdest conversation that got struck up was at St. John in London--guy at the adjoining table (dining with a co-worker) asked me how my marrow bones were since his were up next, heard my American accent and said he'd always wanted to get to DC because he loved DC hardcore bands from the 90s like Fugazi. Well, I spent many hours listening to those same bands in my early adult years--and my brother even toured with Shudder to Think once. This guy was from the middle of nowhere England, in London on business, never been to the States. I love those types of synchronicities.

And yes, as a woman you do get hit on a fair bit, but personally I find it endlessly amusing to screw with the heads of those who can't take a hint that you're not in the market for a one night stand. Also many times I've had a drink or two or even my whole meal paid for by whomever I ended up chatting with even when it was clear that I was not available (gotta love people with big expense accounts).

As for table vs. bar, I tend to be a bar person (easier to strike up conversations), but I also like tables if I'm in a reading mood instead of a chatting mood.

Also--eating alone is great because you sometimes get taken for a writer/critic which leads to impeccable service, especially if you take notes or write in your travel diary while dining.

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And yes, as a woman you do get hit on a fair bit, but personally I find it endlessly amusing to screw with the heads of those who can't take a hint that you're not in the market for a one night stand. Also many times I've had a drink or two or even my whole meal paid for by whomever I ended up chatting with even when it was clear that I was not available (gotta love people with big expense accounts).

it's not the hitting on per se but it always seems that the other women at their table don't take too kindly to the chat :biggrin:

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