Live-in cook/caretaker for a senior citizen

[Carrot Top]

I haven't had Bush's brand baked beans, but they do seem to be a natal taste for New Englanders.

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Unless you're from Maine. In that case, you have to eat B&M Baked Beans.

Or they'd have to kill you.

[wlg]

I haven't had Bush's brand baked beans, but they do seem to be a natal taste for New Englanders.

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Unless you're from Maine. In that case, you have to eat B&M Baked Beans.

Or they'd have to kill you.

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Exactly. Every Saturday night. With ham or franks, and brown bread sometimes.

Home-baked beans require monitoring the water level while they bake. One upstanding church member would always bring a pot of beans to church potluck suppers, and they'd always be dry. Canned beans (B&M!) doctored with a little molasses, chopped onion, and mustard were preferable to hers. Maybe this guy had a similar experience....

Hmm - church supper items already mentioned here: chicken pie, yes! How about a lovely jello fruit salad? Spanish rice? Stuffed roasted chicken/turkey? Ham with green beans? Winter squashes, baked.

Cross common crackers - with cheddar or chowder.....

Cross common crackers

[rooftop1000]

Suddenly thinking of stuffed roast chicken reminded me of long ago when you could get boneless chicken breast with skin on...my grandmother used to put stuffing under the skin. Just like a roast chicken in 20 min.

They even used to sell them stuffed like that and tucked into a tiny tin at the supermarket

tracey

who cant comprehend people who don't eat macaroni/pasta 2 times a week

Edited July 27, 2007 by rooftop1000 (log)

[The Old Foodie]

Getting myself a copy of the Fannie Farmer cookbook is a brilliant idea.

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What a great job you are doing mizD!

Until you get chance to find a real one, there are several versions freely available online:

1896 edition:

http://digital.lib.msu.edu/projects/cookbooks/index.html

1918 editions

http://www.bartleby.com/87/

and here

http://www.harvestfields.ca/CookBooks/001/06bkc/00.htm

[judiu]

Miz D, you're close to a saint!

Try this on your old gent: A nice can of Bush's vegitarian beans, a pound of ground beef, browned with a few (or MORE) chopped onions, a whiffle of garlic and a dab of maple syrup (the real stuff) to moisten and sweeten. Salt and pepper as required. Simmer together for about 30 min. I like to serve with noodles, but mashed potatoes work well too! Can use half beef and half ground turkey, if that is less guiltful... HTH! Brown chopped meat(s) first, drain most of the fat, add onions, cook until softened, add beans and maple syrup, partially cover and simmer. YUM!

[heidih]

Sounds like you have been doing a lot of work to make your room-mate's eating better. What I find with elders is that they look me right in the eye and they got to this age and don't have alot of problems, why should they change everything. Coming from that I try to keep it simple. Three nutritious meals a day is a bottom line goal. I also have to recognize that repetition is actually a good thing! He may like to know that Monday is chicken and dumplings and Tuesday is liver and onions, etc. Sometimes there has to be a little "letting go" of what we would find acceptable and tapping into their base deal. Having the table set and real food is already huge progress. What I mean bottom line is you could probably make 2 weeks of food (freezing the second portion of a 2 portion recipe) and also cook the food you love for yourself. If he asks about the stuff you are eating, give him a taste. Then just follow your instincts.

[mizducky]

Continuing to add all these great suggestions to my list ...

Tonight we had turkey sausages -- alas, a bit too dry, even to my taste -- and fresh cucumbers and heirloom tomatoes I picked up at a local farmer's market. Mr. "E" adores good fresh tomatoes and cukes, and I love seeing him eat them thar veggies.

I did a major grocery run today, and got E a couple of cans of the Bush's beans. I also picked up a couple of cans of kidney beans, because E spoke fondly of chili made with ground beef and kidney beans. "Chili?!? I thought you didn't like spicy food!" I exclaimed. "Well, I don't like my chili very spicy," he replied. Ahah. We're not talking chile-head gourmet competition chili, we're talking 1950s Good Housekeeping Cookbook chili -- the kind with, like, one teaspoon of chili powder (note that's "chili" not "chile" powder) for the whole batch. Okay, we can do that -- and I can doctor up my serving with my trusty bottle of hot sauce.

I also got him some peanuts for snacking. He's rather picky about his nuts too. The first batch I got him was a can of Planter's fancy mixed nuts -- figured he'd like a name brand -- but he said they tasted stale and "off" to him. Next was a package of fancy fruit-and-nut mix from one of my favorite ethnic markets. Those didn't taste right to him either. This time, I bought plain old roasted and salted peanuts from a local Mexican market. These he pronounced fresh enough; he happily mixed them with some raisins and snacked out.

I picked up a top round steak for London Broil for tomorrow night's dinner. I think I'll accompany it with some cole slaw -- made with Miracle Whip, sigh -- and some simple boiled potatoes -- he has also mentioned boiled potatoes fondly, commenting that this whole newfangled roasted potato thing was tasty enough but, again, not what he's used to.

[Sony]

...my own experiences make me a super-strong believer in the healing power of healthy eating.

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AMEN!

Would goulash be too adventurous for him? How about stroganoff?

Along the lines of clam chowder, how about oyster stew? And along the lines of cod cakes, how about salmon patties?

Quiche?

I really like the idea of soups....provides some additional fluid that he might need. How would he feel about borscht? Is gazpacho too far-fetched?

Maybe do a veggie plate one night...succotash, his beloved tomatoes and cucumbers, maybe some greens, basket of corn muffins on the side.

Sorry if I repeated anything- look forward to your continued accounts, Ellen!

[FabulousFoodBabe]

MizDucky -- this reminds me of a (then-70something year old) billionaire I used to cook for, in his executive dining room. He wanted me to let 'er rip for his guests --anything I wanted -- but I prepared a separate meal for him. Very simple food, sometimes just a certain type of canned tuna on a certain type of bread; other times, chicken roasted simply in garlic with roasted potatoes, braised greens and a piece of fruit. He said He'd had 70 years of fantastic, fancy food and now just wanted to remember what it tasted like in its natural state.

I am really enjoying your thread!

[CaliPoutine]

Yay, I have someone else who knows what I'm going thru!! But let me say this, E still sounds a lot more adventurous than the seniors that I cook for. On Thursday, I made them a wonderful beef stew/stroganoff with noodles and they still asked where the potatoes were.

The more sweet stuff the better. I doctored up those Bush's beans using a Paula Dean recipe( canned pineapple, bbq sauce, french's/durkee canned onions, molasses). I thought they were outragously sweet but the Seniors practically licked their plates.

I can't stand miracle whip and I refuse to buy it. I've never had a complaint about my coleslaw.( bagged mix, scallion, an extra carrot, shredded apple( here is your sweet), mayo, cider vinegar, splenda or a touch of sugar and celery seed).

Are you cooking him 3 meals a day 7 days a week?

[mizducky]

Whoops--life got hectic in there for a few days, but I'm still cookin' ...

Would goulash be too adventurous for him? How about stroganoff?

Along the lines of clam chowder, how about oyster stew? And along the lines of cod cakes, how about salmon patties?

Quiche?

I really like the idea of soups....provides some additional fluid that he might need. How would he feel about borscht? Is gazpacho too far-fetched?

Maybe do a veggie plate one night...succotash, his beloved tomatoes and cucumbers, maybe some greens, basket of corn muffins on the side.

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Dunno yet about the goulash or stroganoff. Oyster stew might be a possibility. Salmon patties, I might try sometime ... except when I suggested them to him once, he said he'd much prefer just eating the salmon plain, just as it came out of the can.

I'm discovering that another side to his saying he doesn't want anything too adventurous is that he has some mixed feelings about me making what he considers a big fuss over his food--even though I've assured him that a lot of these dishes he thinks are a big fuss are things I can knock off in my sleep. Part of this is due to him being a longtime singleton; his own cooking has been so much open a can / microwave a packaged meal stuff that when he sees me spending even as little as thirty minutes putting together something from scratch in the kitchen, to him it spells "big fuss." (Rachel Ray would probably freak him right the hell out. )

But another part of it is definitely depression issues. I think when he gets blue, he starts feeling he's being a burden on others, doesn't want them to fuss over him, etc. I just gently keep on repeating that it's no fuss, and to never fear, I have plenty of recipes that are super-lazy for whenver I need a break. (Of course, my idea of super-lazy he might still feel is a fuss, but I don't go there when I'm trying to reassure him.)

Now a new wrinkle has been added ... this evening, for the second time in as many weeks, he brought up his perception that he's putting on weight -- and then, in an only-semi-joking tone of voice, asks me "so what are you going to do about it?" As if implying that it's my cooking that's to blame. In an equally bantering tone, I replied that it's not my cooking, nor the amounts of it he's eating, that are making him put on weight -- it's all the oatmeal cookies and peanut butter and crackers he snacks on late at night, and the full-sugar soda he goes through by the two-liter bottle. (I didn't even touch the amount of margarine and Miracle Whip he regularly slathers on his bread.) I then asked him if he was really serious about taking off some weight in a healthy way (despite the past issues with malnutrition, he does have a significant gut on him, and it wouldn't hurt for him to slim down a little as long as it's done right). The "really serious" question took him aback; but I might yet convince him to at least cut way down on the soda pop, and maybe the oatmeal cookies -- those two changes alone might be enough.

Ironically, just this evening I had for the very first time made a dessert to go with dinner. Strawberry shortcake--super-easy shortcut shortcake all the way, with whipped cream out of a can, supermarket strawberries, and those darned Pillsbury poppin' out of the can biscuits (the Grands turn out to be pretty damn good--certainly worlds better than this Yankee grrl could ever manage--but I hadn't made them in years, so you all would have laughed to see me jump about three feet when that can went POP!!!! when I opened it! Yikes, that think was loud!) So maybe some of the "your food is making me fat" reaction was because of that ... although I was quick to point out that as desserts go, strawberry shortcake is one of the more low-impact ones I could think of.

But see, I think this fretting about weight has other layers to it -- it's probably also yet another cover for "ma, she's making me eat different, and I'd just like to eat my same-old way without anyone bothering me, even though that included inadequate nutrtion and forgetting to eat altogether." So the conversation will continue, and so will my efforts to roll along with E's various moods and reactions while continuing to work on nourishing him (in all senses of that word).

Anyway ...

Yay, I  have someone else who knows what I'm going thru!!  But let me say this, E still sounds a lot more adventurous than the seniors that I cook for.  On Thursday, I made them a wonderful beef stew/stroganoff with noodles and they still asked where the potatoes were.

The more sweet stuff the better.  I doctored up those Bush's beans using a Paula Dean recipe( canned pineapple, bbq sauce, french's/durkee canned onions, molasses).  I thought they were outragously sweet but the Seniors practically licked their plates.

I can't stand miracle whip and I refuse to buy it.  I've never had a complaint about my coleslaw.( bagged mix, scallion, an extra carrot, shredded apple( here is your sweet), mayo, cider vinegar, splenda or a touch of sugar and celery seed).

Are you cooking him 3 meals a day 7 days a week?

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I let him do breakfast on his own -- he's got a routine and he's pretty good at it (even though I sometimes wince when I see him continually just barely get plates, pots, etc. on the counter--I really think he's got some kind of visual comprehension thing happening where he's not correctly judging the edges of tables and such ... he's come close to missing a chair when sitting and winding up on the floor on more than one occasion that I've witnessed). At first I was making every lunch for him too -- now I only do that occasionally, and other times make suggestions of what's in the refrigerator that he might eat (though I try to keep a mental tally of what I see him eat). I do make dinner for him almost every night--there's been one or two times when I have been gone out for a full day; he has a small stash of healthy TV-dinner things in the freezer for those occasions. And there's been a few times that I was having dinner out with friends, but made sure to make dinner for him before I headed out.

I may yet sneak some real mayonnaise in on his coleslaw some day--or even some lowfat plain yogurt!!!--but I decided early on that it would be too traumatic for me to pry his jar of Miracle Whip away from him right at the start. Who knows, though? Maybe under the banner of his "weight loss" thing I can convince him to kiss the Whip goodbye! Above all, though, my attitude is that ultimately it's not about my opinion as to what is good eating, it's about what's best for E's health and wellbeing (physical and emotional). I try my best to remove my ego from the exercise, and to view any criticisms E offers as being not about the quality of my cooking -- I remain satisfied with that -- but about all sorts of other issues as outlined above.

[Dianne]

Mizducky, words cannot express my admiration for you and this undertaking. You are doing a wonderful thing.

[Toliver]

Maybe under the banner of his "weight loss" thing I can convince him to kiss the Whip goodbye!

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Tsk, tsk. As a fan of the "Whip", I disagree.

Instead of having him give up the "Whip", why not substitute the light version or even the "Free" version? He'd still get his Miracle Whip but with less calories consumed.

There's no need to force Satan's mayo on him.

[Kouign Aman]

If a tablespoon of MW gets him to eat cabbage, I'm not seeing the harm, and the flavor of the others is enough to be really offputting to someone used to MW.

One good nutritious meal a day will keep most folks on their feet, so its great he can count on dinner.

I wish you luck, and a long span before you burn out. What a culinary adventure for you - leaving the tropics and landing in New England!

[mizducky]

Heh. Like I said, I'm not stressing on the Miracle Whip thing. I might even try suggesting to him that we experiment with the low-fat version.

Funny bits of food-related conversation over breakfast. I commented that he was having a light breakfast today (just a bowl of cereal with milk -- sometimes he augments that with either two soft-boiled eggs, or toast, or both). He said he could easily do without breakfast, but that he knew that would "not be good." Hmmm ... in the afternoon when he's a little more awake, I'll have to ask him whether he thinks he's dieting or something, because I definitely want to gently steer that towards wiser food choices as opposed to, say, blanket not-eating during the day and then binging on cookies after I go to bed at night.

Then ... I have a couple of portions of flash-frozen ahi tuna from Trader Joe's haunting the freezer, and I wanted to try them out on him. When I first bought them, he just could not get his brain wrapped around the idea of eating tuna that did not come out of a can! So this morning, I said: "How would you feel about fish tonight?"

"What kind?" (slightly suspicious tone of voice).

"It's called 'ahi'".

"Oh. Is it something you broil, or boil ...?" (Heh. Trying to determine if Ellen's about to do another 'fussy' meal."

"I'm probably going to cook it in a pan on the stove. Very simple."

"Oh. Okay."

"I just noticed that we weren't eating enough fish, and we should eat more, it's good for you."

"Yes. But I don't. I don't like much fish."

"Well, we'll try it, and if you don't like it I can always make you a sandwich."

"Oh, I always eat what you make."

And he always reserves his right to do his type of fussing over my type of fussing. But I am learning to reserve my right to ... well, not so much ignore his fussing, as to note it, take it into account, but stay the course until more evidence collects that I should change. Not to dismiss his demurrings at all, but I'm beginning to realize that he just likes to fuss; nomatter what I'd do, he'd probably have some comment about it. So I am officially declaring the elimination of all fussy comments to be a non-goal, and proceeding on my merry way.

Edited August 2, 2007 by mizducky (log)

[Kouign Aman]

I am officially declaring the elimination of all fussy comments to be a non-goal, and proceeding on my merry way.

Now there's an emancipation statement if ever I heard one!

[Jamie Lee]

Miz D:

This gentleman is so lucky to have you... Your patience and persistance are worthy of a Nobel prize!

I've "lurked" your personal blog, and am in awe of your individual triumphs as well... you are certainly finding and living your ground.

Go Woman!

[mizducky]

Aw shucks.

Be under no illusions, folks--I have my share of bewildered and exasperated moments with my friend here. And it's equally (if not more so) a credit to him that we work out our moments of mutual exasperation with something approaching grace.

I was fortunate to find excellent freshpicked corn at a local farmer's market yesterday. That joyed both E's and my hearts--I hadn't had corn on the cob in ages, and these were goooooooooood.

I deliberately overcooked the ahi so that it was just a tiny bit pink in the middle--I thought raw-looking fish would freak E out. He commented that it wasn't something he'd be inspired to order in a restaurant in future. On the other hand, he did eat every last bit of his serving. Heh. Actions speak louder than words.

We had a big positive discussion about healthier eating patterns last night. For the time being, no more cookies or sugar-sweetened soft drinks will be entering the house, and I'll be keeping a supply of ready-to-eat carrot and celery sticks etc. on hand at all times (the veggie-sticks thing started him down the "oh, that's too much fuss" route again, but I quickly reiterated the "That's my job" and "you deserve the fuss" mantras, and mollified him again, at least for the time being). Heh. The weight loss thing seems to be motivating E more than the healthier eating thing, but as long as I can help steer those motivations, I think it's all to the good.

Roast chicken tonight. With promises of good chicken salad in the future. And I also bought a bunch of candycane beets from the farmer's market--I'm thinking I'll do either roots or greens tonight, maybe both--we'll see.

[SuzySushi]

I also bought a bunch of candycane beets from the farmer's market--I'm thinking I'll do either roots or greens tonight, maybe both--we'll see.

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Just a thought for the beets: I've recently started making a beet risotto that my daughter (the picky eater) adores. Steam or microwave the beet roots until not quite tender; peel and dice. Add to the rice (and sauteed onion/shallots/garlic/whatever) while you're cooking it risotto style with beef stock (I use Swanson reduced-sodium beef broth). The beets are deliciously sweet and, combined with the broth, tint the rice a pleasant peach color. Chop the beet greens and saute separately with garlic. Yum!

[Sony]

We had a big positive discussion about healthier eating patterns last night.

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Hooray! Wondering how the "environmental change" is going to work out....

It is interesting that he's looking to the newest "thing" as the source of weight issues. Could very well be that your cooking tastes so good, he can't imagine it couldn't be indulgent . Though from what it sounds like, you're not necessarily cooking light recipes for him- only yourself?

Oh- and the salmon straight out of the can? Have done it before, actually. But personally, I prefer it in patty form.

[C. sapidus]

MizD: Caveat: I am probably the last person on the planet to give advice about cooking "plain" food. However. If you have time to make a separate meal for yourself, will E try a taste if it looks non-threatening? If so, some lightly-seasoned Vietnamese dishes might not be too far outside E's comfort zone. Perhaps a toned-down version of kho (caramel-braised chicken, salmon, or pork), or even better, a not-so-garlicky garlicky oven-roasted chicken (ga ro-ti).

You did not mention a grill, but I wonder if E would like veggies that had been lightly marinated and broiled, or perhaps broiled fruit (or butternut squash) with a sweet glaze for dessert.

Keep on making the world a better place, one meal at a time.

[judiu]

Miz D,

Does "E" like mushrooms? I dearly love plain raw button mushrooms sliced and sprinkled VERY gently with seasoned salt. A very mild flavor but yet satisfying!

[christine007]

MizDucky, just wanted to say, you are the kindest, most wonderful person, and an inspiration to us all.

I have a ninety two year old neighbor I bake for. You inspire me.

[mizducky]

Sorry for the absence -- life got hectic again for awhile ...

Since last I posted, I've had some nice successes, some misses, and a few "huh?!?" moments -- all very illuminating if sometimes a little confusing.

Unexpected (and delightful) sucess was the "chili." The spice profile was a bit unusual--let's see, I did cumin, cinnamon, allspice, paprika ... a touch of white pepper. Salt. Notice what's missing? No actual chile heat whatsoever. Not even cayenne. This in a base of browned ground beef, kidney beans, canned tomatoes. He loved this--went for seconds, hunted down the container of leftovers the next day--he almost never goes after leftovers on his own, the only other times I can remember have been for fresh beets and those Bush's baked beans. Very interesting. (It was damn tasty stuff, if I do say so myself.)

Meanwhile ... remember how E. got my inner foodie all excited by averring that he liked offal meats like heart? Even more specifically, he kept mentioning fondly this recipe for braised heart stuffed with prunes that was in his 1970s era (I think) McCall's cookbook. So I was overjoyed to find whole stuffable pork hearts at a new-to-me Mexican supermarket. (For San Diegans: this was the mighty Northgate Market down the 43rd St. exit off the I-805. kalypso, and mmm-yoso, you're right, this place is the shiznit.) I made the dish -- it was fine crock-pot fodder on one of these recent hot humid days. IMO it came out pretty damn good, and this from a woman who had been ambivalent about sweet fruit in savory meat dishes--the prunes got jammy and molasses-like, great contrast with the very lean meat.

But E., who had been so enthusiastic about this stuff, was strangely neutral about the dish. He tried to respond to my questions why, but couldn't seem to put his finger on it. Eventually, he offered the following: "Somehow it's putting me off to be eating the heart of a living creature."

Yep. This was one of my "huh?!?" moments.

He wasn't trying to be funny, as far as I can see. My guess is that he just said the first thing that came into his head to cover for the fact that he really didn't know why the dish wasn't grabbing him. The even wackier thing was that a few weeks earlier I had served him sliced beef heart (came that way from the mainstream supermarket meat department), and he had liked it lots ... and then asked me about doing the stuffed heart recipe. Who knows, maybe now, years later and in a different phase of life, the idea of eating an identifiably whole heart was indeed striking him weird. (The pork hearts were small, so I just sliced them in half for presentation. I thought they looked cute--who knew?)

Anyway ... I may yet serve him heart again--hell, it's cheap, lean, and tasty--only maybe I'll slice it up again. Or cube it in a stew. And if, once again, he asks me to make the stuffed heart recipe again, well ... I may have to fight hard not to fall over laughing.

Another "huh?!?" moment, but ultimately more helpful: a few days ago, E. asked me why I hadn't made spaghetti for him yet. "Ummmmm ... because you told me you didn't like macaroni because the assisted living place served to you way too often?" Turns out that "macaroni," in E.'s lexicon, specifically refers to elbow macaroni, especially in a salad. Oh! Okay, we can work with that . . . so tonight, for another hot-weather low-impact meal, I served a good jarred sauce (Classico roasted tomato garlic) over some spaghetti, with raw veggies on the side. He raved about the sauce--it blew his mind to see large chunks of tomato in a sauce, I guess all he'd ever had was Ragu (ick). So all's well that ends well, eh?

Meanwhile, I've been keeping my own more adventurous palate satisfied mostly by slipping out for pho or sushi or tacos de lengua or bibimbap. A couple different times I hit up the local Korean market for panchan to go. And before the weather got so hot recently, I even made myself congee a couple different times. I haven't tried to offer any of these things to E. yet--I don't envision him ever taking a liking to kimchee or fermented bean curd. But some of the milder stuff, sooner or later, I may offer and see if he takes me up on it.

[Anna N]

. . .

Another "huh?!?" moment, but ultimately more helpful: a few days ago, E. asked me why I hadn't made spaghetti for him yet. "Ummmmm ... because you told me you didn't like macaroni because the assisted living place served to you way too often?" Turns out that "macaroni," in E.'s lexicon, specifically refers to elbow macaroni, especially in a salad.

. . .

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I got a chuckle out of this. Hubby hates pasta but insists that spaghetti is NOT pasta!