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Hysterical bad customers


Malaclypse
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Everyone who has had em and boy did I get a pair last night. A few days ago we rolled out our summer menu and one of the items I decided to put on there was a Nicoise Salad with tuna confit cause well, it's my favorite salad.

This lady and her husband inquired about it and the lady asked what salad greens came with the salad. The waiter informed her that there were no salad greens and that the salad had an assortment of vegetables. She then proceeded to cuss out the waiter and she and her husband got up and walked out because our Nicoise salad was not like the one she had 'in the south of France'. Apparently they also felt that their Grey Goose on the rocks was unacceptable too.

So what's your worst customer?

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I once had a guy throw a hand full of "veggie" tacos at me because they did't have beans in them. He ordered tacos no meat, so cheese, lettuce and tomatos were sprinkled all over my Taco Bell uniform. Dude, it wasn't even the worst thing that happened that day.

A DUSTY SHAKER LEADS TO A THIRSTY LIFE

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With a bit of luck, none of you will encounter the clients that had a run-in with Georges LeMaitre in 1955 when he was in charge of the kitchens at New York's then fashionable "Monte's on the Park". A middle-aged couple had started their dinner with coquilles Saint-Jacques au gratin, gone on to grilled lobsters and then finished off with peach melba. To the surprise of the waiter, the couple who never exchanged a word between them, barely touched their food. When asked if they wanted their dishes

replaced, the man merely waved the waiter off with an impatient gesture of his hand.

After the meal, the man asked to see the chef. When LeMaitre arrived at their table, the man stood up, pulled out a pistol, told the chef that "if this is the best you can do, you don't deserve to live", and shot him three times. Fortunately, LeMaitre survived. The man was found criminally insane and spent five years in an insane asylum on Long Island.

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Wow, well...after that story...

New Orleans, 1989. My grandma (who just died this past December) came for my graduation from Loyola. She was always known as one of the nicest, most carring, loving people in her small town of Ste. Genevieve, MO. I took her somewhere down the St. Charles line and we sat down for some good burgers. She ordered a burger and clearly said no onion. Having dealt with this our whole lives we very clearly emphasized no onions - not anywhere near her plate, not on the side, no where! She has allergies.

Sure enough - here comes skippy the waiter with onions on the plate. Before we had a chance to intervene, dear old grandma grabbed the plate from skippy and threw it 30' across the room against the wall calmly stating, "I said NO onions."

Now that she's gone I can say this...we all knew she didn't have allergies - its just something that over time she created in her head. My apologies to all skippys everywhere :unsure:

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I was a cook for a long time. I wanted to get out of the biz and get a day job. I got a job as a waiter and started back to school.

One night the owner of the place came up to me and said, "I seated a table in section 11, I want you to take care of them". Section 11 was 4 tables by the fire exit, no one's first choice to sit, and we only used it when we had to. We weren't busy that night so I knew something was strange.

I got to the table, Mom, Dad, 2 boys probably 8 and 10. I noticed that there were only two settings of silver, I apologized and said I'd bring two more with their drinks. They said, "No, we don't allow them to use silverware" motioning to the boys. OK. Parents ordered entres, nothing expensive, and ordered a side of pasta with marinara for each of the boys. OK. I brought the food and again offered silverware to the boys and was again politely told no. I came back 2 minutes later to ask if the food was OK, they said they were done and wanted the check. The boys, the table, their clothes, everything was covered with the tomato sauce. I offered napkins and was politely refused.

I dropped off the check, came back to pick up the money. They were gone. They left some money, about enough to cover half of the check. I'm now freakin' out cuz we carried our own banks and I'm thinking I'm going to have to make up the difference. I go to the owner and tell him the story. He said not to worry about it, keep it to yourself.

Strangest table I ever waited on.

That's the thing about opposum inerds, they's just as tasty the next day.

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Valdez Alaska, summer of 1989 (a town of 1,500 went to 12,00 people overnight, exxon and such are all on meal tickets, the restaurant is a ZOO) waiting tables, guy comes in and I inform him that the choices for starch are red potatoes or rice pilaf--he says he'll have a baked potato--and reiterate his choices and he informs me that "NO! I'll have a F-ING BAKED potato". I head to the kitchen, inform our speed addicted lead cook (chef he was not) where by he fishes a baker out of the trash and nukes it. Problem solved.

When Mr. Personality was finished--and he dined alone, wonder why--I was with another table where as he snaps his fingers and whistles (PLEASE NO ONE EVER DO THIS--IT IS NOT EVEN ACCEPTABLE AT TRUCK STOP RESTAURANTS!!!!!) and holds up a $1000 bill. I walk over, snap it out of his hand, grab the bill and head to the cashier. All the sudden he is like"Wait--can you make change for that?" and I say "sure" where as he gets up and jerks it out of my hands. He proceeds to pay, leave a lousy tip and is on his way....and I still remember that b*stard to this day....... :blink:

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Wow, well...after that story...

New Orleans, 1989.  My grandma (who just died this past December) came for my graduation from Loyola.  She was always known as one of the nicest, most carring, loving people in her small town of Ste. Genevieve, MO.  I took her somewhere down the St. Charles line and we sat down for some good burgers.  She ordered a burger and clearly said no onion.  Having dealt with this our whole lives we very clearly emphasized no onions - not anywhere near her plate, not on the side, no where!  She has allergies.

Sure enough - here comes skippy the waiter with onions on the plate.  Before we had a chance to intervene, dear old grandma grabbed the plate from skippy and threw it 30' across the room against the wall calmly stating, "I said NO onions."

Now that she's gone I can say this...we all knew she didn't have allergies - its just something that over time she created in her head.  My apologies to all skippys everywhere  :unsure:

Allergies or no, she said NO onions. I'm with grandma. (Although I probably would not have thrown the plate. At least not that far.)

I can't tell you how much I always enjoy reading these threads whenever they roll around. :smile:

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The only time I ever worked at a restaurant was one summer I worked at McDonald's. One particularly crazy lunch day, the lines were actually out the door. I don't remember why, but I think there was a carnival or soccer tournament in town. And this was only my second week there.

Anyway, I was working one front register and every couple of customers, I'd go over and re-fill drinks for people who stood down by the soda machine. I thought I felt something hitting me on 2 of these trips, but wasn't sure, but on the 3rd trip a big chunk of soda covered ice hit my face! I turned around and finally saw this woman and her friend and they both just had the most pissed off faces I've ever seen. I said "EXCUSE ME?!" in my most I-have-to-respect-the-customer-but-that-doesn't-mean-I-have-to-like-them voice and she proceded to cuss me out in some of the most vulgar language I've ever heard (and I went to Catholic school :wink: ). It seems she'd waited in the regular line to get refills on her drink. I looked over at my manager to see what I should do, and she just looked away. When I took the cup, the woman said, "and you better f***ing replace the ice since I had to stick my hand in it."

I just refilled the drink and told her that she didn't need to stand in line when she wanted her next refill. She started to walk out, but decided she needed to tell everyone in line that I was slow, to skip my line, and better yet just don't eat at this restaurant at all. A few people did leave.

To make matters worse she came back a few weeks later, and to get her refill, she did just go over to the area by the machine, but she threw ice at me again, "just to get my attention." Neither time did my manager say anything - even after. One of the many reasons I quit and didn't eat there for another 5 years.

"Life is a combination of magic and pasta." - Frederico Fellini

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The only time I ever worked at a restaurant was one summer I worked at McDonald's. One particularly crazy lunch day, the lines were actually out the door. I don't remember why, but I think there was a carnival or soccer tournament in town. And this was only my second week there.

Anyway, I was working one front register and every couple of customers, I'd go over and re-fill drinks for people who stood down by the soda machine. I thought I felt something hitting me on 2 of these trips, but wasn't sure, but on the 3rd trip a big chunk of soda covered ice hit my face! I turned around and finally saw this woman and her friend and they both just had the most pissed off faces I've ever seen. I said "EXCUSE ME?!" in my most I-have-to-respect-the-customer-but-that-doesn't-mean-I-have-to-like-them voice and she proceded to cuss me out in some of the most vulgar language I've ever heard (and I went to Catholic school  :wink: ). It seems she'd waited in the regular line to get refills on her drink. I looked over at my manager to see what I should do, and she just looked away. When I took the cup, the woman said, "and you better f***ing replace the ice since I had to stick my hand in it."

I just refilled the drink and told her that she didn't need to stand in line when she wanted her next refill. She started to walk out, but decided she needed to tell everyone in line that I was slow, to skip my line, and better yet just don't eat at this restaurant at all. A few people did leave.

To make matters worse she came back a few weeks later, and to get her refill, she did just go over to the area by the machine, but she threw ice at me again, "just to get my attention." Neither time did my manager say anything - even after. One of the many reasons I quit and didn't eat there for another 5 years.

I guess the following story illustrates why it's sometimes better to work in a non-corporate restaurant.

When I was first starting out in this thing we do back in the late 70's, the restaurant I was working at booked a sports banquet for the local high school basketball team.

We new it was trouble almost from the moment they walked in. They were loud, obnoxious, and rude, knocking over glasses, throwing food, making inappropriate comments to the servers, even grabbing their asses as they walked past.

The Coaches apparently felt that 'boys will be boys', and did nothing to try and gain control.

When dessert were finally served, it was a simple ice cream sundae which the boys apparently felt was better served as a missile than a food.

We sent down Randy the busboy to start cleaning up the mess.

As Randy bent over to pick up some of the sundae cups, one of the team comedians leaned back in his chair and held a sundae upside down over an unsuspecting Randy's head until it slowly oozed out and plopped on the the back of Randy's' neck, much to the delight of his table mates.

It should be noted at this point that Randy was also a high school jock. He was a wrestler and had a notoriously short temper. Without even getting up from his knees, he swung from the hips and nailed the budding young comedian right in his lopsided smile, knocking him completely out of his chair.

His teammates rushed to his defense which only lead to a couple of bruised and bleeding basketball players and a red faced Randy asking 'who's next?'.

The manger rushed down at this point, and being confronted by the loud and belligerent coaches he assured them that he would take care of the matter. He pulled Randy over and told him (in front of the coaches) that that kind of behavior was unacceptable, the customer was always right, etc. and so he was being fired.

Randy angrily tried to point out that the basketball kids had started it, but the manager would have none of it, and told him to wait by the time clock so he could "take care of the paperwork".

So Randy waited, fuming and telling everyone who would listen how unfair it all was until the manager arrived, finally having soothed the ruffled coaches.

When the Manager approached, Randy was ready to tell him exactly what the thought but he never got the chance as the manager burst out laughing, patted him on the back, and told him to relax, he wasn't really fired and just try to control your temper a little better next time. The manger then slipped Randy an extra $20 and told him to go home.

To this day that was one of the coolest things I've ever seen a manager do.

Edited by The Apostate (log)

I'm so awesome I don't even need a sig...Oh wait...SON OF A...

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Yikes. I've held my ground against a psychotic patient threatening to stab me, but reading these still makes me weak in the knees! How can anyone be so cruel over such benign things?

- Sincerely,

Naive me.

Mark

The Gastronomer's Bookshelf - Collaborative book reviews about food and food culture. Submit a review today! :)

No Special Effects - my reader-friendly blog about food and life.

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I'm not sure if is the worst or best customer.

I was shucking oysters at Soul Kitchen. I lovely lady sat at my bar she told me there was a two and a half hour wait. Which was pretty typical back then on a sat. night. She was STARVING. So she proceded to suck down 2 dozen oysters ans three martinis. Barlely able to stay on her stool, she requests a menu (paper 8/12' by 14') and a sharpie. With one eye closed and swaying like a metronome She writes in huge block letters WILL SUCK C%@K FOR FOOD and holds it above her heed for the dining room, bar, and open kitchen to see...

A DUSTY SHAKER LEADS TO A THIRSTY LIFE

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I'm not sure if is the worst or best customer.

I was shucking oysters at Soul Kitchen.  I lovely lady sat at my bar she told me there was a two and a half hour wait.  Which was pretty typical back then on a sat. night.  She was STARVING.  So she proceded to suck down 2 dozen oysters ans three martinis.  Barlely able to stay on her stool, she requests a menu (paper 8/12' by 14') and a sharpie.  With one eye closed and swaying like a metronome She writes in huge block letters WILL SUCK C%@K FOR FOOD and holds it above her heed for the dining room, bar, and open kitchen to see...

So..... did anyone take her up on her offer? :wink:

SuzySushi

"She sells shiso by the seashore."

My eGullet Foodblog: A Tropical Christmas in the Suburbs

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To protect the guilty, I must plead the fifth...

So what you're saying is she ended up with another dozen... oysters! :raz:

"I took the habit of asking Pierre to bring me whatever looks good today and he would bring out the most wonderful things," - bleudauvergne

foodblogs: Dining Downeast I - Dining Downeast II

Portland Food Map.com

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To protect the guilty, I must plead the fifth...

So what you're saying is she ended up with another dozen... oysters! :raz:

And a fourth martini...

I like to have a martini

two, at the very most,

after three I'm under the table

after four I'm under my host

D.P.

A DUSTY SHAKER LEADS TO A THIRSTY LIFE

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We had a neighborhood bar when I was a student, back in the '70s -- just burgers n' beer, been there since my parents were students at the same college. I'd been there a few times with my cousin, who was not a fan of the grilled onions ... the last time I went there with him, he ordered a burger and said, loudly, "And if you put onions on it, I'm going to go home and get an axe and kill you." Nobody, including the cops sitting in the corner, paid the least attention. But no onions, I admit.

If you have a coupon for it, you don't want it.

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I once had a guy throw a hand full of "veggie" tacos at me because they did't have beans in them. He ordered tacos no meat,  so cheese, lettuce and tomatos were sprinkled all over my Taco Bell uniform.  Dude, it wasn't even the worst thing that happened that day.

LOL don't get me started on Taco Bell. The man who ordered $30 of food for himself (including two drinks lol,) the woman who wanted quesadillas with no cheese, bean burritos with no beans guy, the punks that threw beer all over the window because we weren't open yet, the guy who thought I called the cops on him while he was violating parole, the guy who nearly got in a box-cutter fight with one of the cashiers...

well I guess you got me started, huh? :raz:

Edited by PurpleDingo99 (log)
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Some Of the funniest bad customers, were at Taco Bell on 25$ Taco day. This paticular Tacco bell was in Boulder CO. So A LARGE majority would come in stoned to BeJesus with A fist full of change, three brain cells knocking about in the fog inside their craniums, Smelling of skunky weed. They would basicly stand there at the counter, open up thier hands, so we could count how many tacos they could afford. "Oh, dude and a ginormus water 'cause I got cottenmouth like a motherf@#er"

A DUSTY SHAKER LEADS TO A THIRSTY LIFE

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