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I've lived in the DC area for nearly 40 years now, and NOTHING I've ever eaten here has been close to a slice from any of the Ray's, John's et al. from NYC. Our pizza is a combination of not the right crust, not the right tomato sauce and bad, greasy cheese. There should be a special notation for Maryland-style pizza, which is often sqaure (Ledo's, Gentlman Jims) and often made with smoked provolone and greasy mozzarella. The killer is definitely the sugary tomato sauce that can send you into diabetic shock! Nonetheless, follwing someone's note that Rockville is Pizza Hell, I would suggest two Rockville area (where I have lived the last 11 years) joints that make a relatively good "baked dough with tomato and cheese" dish. One is Mama Lucia's, just off the Pike near Trader Joes and Comp USA. The other is Il Forno in Bethesda, where they bake with a wood fire. It gets a little burned and crispy. A number of NYC'rs I've taken there swear that it's not pizza, but that didn't stop them from eating it.

In Rockville, MD, in what has become a very chic and expensive area, is an old roadhouse called Hank Dietle's. It is both a bar and package store (rare in Montgomery Co. MD since alcohol sales are tightly controlled). Only the seediest rednecks still left in the south county dare go in. I like the sandwiches and the billiards table. Ye Old Tripple in on NYC's west side, not too far from the Roseland Ballroom (I think). I was very, very drunk. I think a dive is definintely a place where you will see real drunks, not just posers out for a weekend fling. This place isn't that dirty or creepy, but it serves up plenty of cheap drinks and houses most of the down and out on the Upper West Side. A Most Notorious Dive: The Brick Bar, Buffalo, NY. You don't buy beer by the bottle; you buy it by the six pack, 12-pack or case. It's called the Brick Bar because the floor of the bar is brick and the walls are brick. You must wear sh-tkickers (i.e. heavy boots) when you go, cause there are no trash cans and by closing time the floors are three inches deep in broken glass. Last (and only) time I was there a fight broke out and a guy went through the front plate glass window and nearly bled out. I was told it happened all the time.

Phenylketonuria (sp?) is the body's inability to break down aspartame, which naturally occurs in many foods. It is one of the tests given to newborn infants because continued ingestion (and build up in the body) can cause brain damage to those who's body cannot process it. It is possible that the aforementioned hallucinator's liver does a poor job of breaking down aspartame and is getting brain fry. Keep away from the Diet Cokes! Has anyone tried Splenda? It is expensive, but it tastes just like sugar. In fact, it is sugar that has been "inverted" so that it cannot be processed by humans (or bacteria). So there's no embarrasing gassy emissions when the acidophilous bacteria in your bowels gets ahold of it. Note to type 2 diabetics: Something that your doctor won't tell you, because he probably doesn't know.... Any type of sweetener, even non-caloric ones, will cause changes in your insulin levels. The human body has adapted a system to immediately start producing insulin when you eat or drink something sweet so that the body is ready to create energy as soon as the sugars are digested. When you drink a diet soda, the body releases the insulin, but there is nothing for it to attach to. This can dramatically lower your blood sugar level. I don't drink diet sodas or drinks unless I am eating some carbs; then the insulin has some sugar to get ahold of.

My Grandmother used to raise her own chickens and we always had fresh eggs. As kids we hated them. They were too rich, too yellow and too eggy (!) for eggs. I've recently purchased fresh eggs from some local growers in Montgomery Co. and Fredrick Co. Maryland. They are always great looking, huge, fresh tasting eggs. But to me they have a wild, almost fish-oil taste to them. I get the same taste from Eggland's Best eggs. I guess if I ate more of them I would adjust. I've been on mostly egg whites for the last five months so have probably lost my taste for real yolks.

I like it all; it's all beef, but it really is different. The Wagyu and Kobe beef is very buttery. The Argentine beef has a gamier, chewier, concentrated beef flavor. If your definition of American Beef includes supermarket beef, it is often less tasty because it is pumped full of water to make more money. If you get your American Beef from a butcher, higher-end market or even the grocer, and pay full price, it is usually very good. Speaking of beef and steaks, have you ever had a hanger steak, or onglet (what the French call it) or the butcher's cut? It is a piece of meat that hangs over one of the cow's kidneys, is very fibrous (only order rare or med. rare) but has a very, very concentrated beefy, grassy, wild flavor. Try it!

I've eaten lots of the things listed. It might be a Maryland thing. My family grew cantaloupe, which is really muskmelon, as a cash crop before the Great Depression in Central Maryland. The old folks always eat it with salt & pepper, as they do their tomatoes. It may have been the only thing they had to eat back when times were tough and it carried on. My Mom used to make us sugar sandwiches; buttered bread sprinkled with sugar. Not toasted or anything. We liked 'em. She also used to make boiled ham with grape jelly; I never developed a need for that either. But then again, I've never eated bologna or Esskay hot dogs since I left home. Peanut Butter and Miracle Whip (not mayonnaise; you need the sweetness of the Salad Dressing) on white bread. If you eat the Miracle Whip side up, the peanut butter won't stick to the top of your mouth. Try it! Just about everything with Old Bay Seasoning. Cole slaw, potato salad, fried chicken, as well as the crabs and oysters, etc. Never thought to try it on cantelope, though. It could be tasty. Smith Islanders (they are secluded down in the middle of the Chesapeake Bay and still talk with an English accent) put a hunk of Cheddar in thier coffee, drink the coffee, and spoon the cheese out after it melts. Never dared try it. Finally, a family favorite. BBQ chips (or Crab Chips with Old Bay Seasoning) crunched up into neapolitan ice cream; hot-spicy-salty-sweet-chcololatey- vanilla-fruit sensation. Certainly a flavor overload for all but the bravest.

I had durian candy that was innocently placed on an Administrative Assistant's desk by a Law Partner who had just returned from Singapore. Some JOKE! To me, it didn't taste bad....at first. I was sort of mangoey and honey-like upon first chew, but then turned hot and oniony and garlicky and disgusting. Since it was like taffy, I had no choice but to deal with the odor and disgusting aftertaste. But I'm still alive. I understand that the most exclusive hotels in Singapore (such as Raffles) have also banned Durian eating on their premises and in rooms. There are some pretty smelly foods that people will eat in this country as well. The Ginko tree (where Ginko Biloba comes from) was planted throughout Washington, DC for sidewalk shade because they grow quickly and don't have large root systems (to buckle the sidewalks). Downside: They create bushels and bushels of small fruits that smell like dog poop when stepped on. From what I'm told, they make good jam. DC has to spray the trees every year so they don't reproduce. Maybe they should just make jam? And don't even get me started on ramps, or poke sallet (or is that salad?) PEE-YOU!!!