Redtressed

Chef: Cynthia of Dallas ......my best friend. A woman of great beauty and intelligence.(clothier has seen her picture, he thinks she's a hot redhead too)She has 2 masters degrees and working on a phd in criminology now. A successful entrepreneuer, she owns both a construction materials business AND one of the largest cotton gins in Texas. She also teaches science to high school students. Cyn is the envy of all for her great talents.......BUT She can't cook worth sh**. Her epicurean feats are Kraft Mac and Cheese, Swanson pot pies and putting ketchup on Sonic Burgers. She stresses if her salad dressing arrives alongside the salad. Woe to any of her children who asks for chicken soup when ill...Unless Grandma's around, that child can count on prolonging that cold that much longer. Rumour has it she's Chef Boyardee's bastard child, thrown out with the raviolis. Cyn and a cooking pot.......the Devil incarnate the Menu: Appetizer: Mushy Wings.....you know what I'm referring to.....Chicken wings barely cooked with rubbery skin and greasy , congealed hot sauce..... Salad: Ambrosia Salad.......marshmallows, coconut, mandarin oranges and God knows what else.......again......mushy ick Main Course: Liver and Onions..........d'y'all realize what gets processed through livers?....Huh huh huh? My rule of thumb: Offal is awful Side Dishes: Cauliflower anything ( note the recurring theme here, Cauliflower looks like a brain......Brains are offal....true to my form...offal is awful) Garlic Mashed Potatoes- I mean, why do this to one of the tastiest simplicities in life? It ain't broke........quit trying to fix it. Baked Turnips- I see no reason why they should be absorbing all the nitrogen that could be nurturing all those taters and carrots......bluck......turnips Bread: Pillsbury Hot Loaves..nuff said Beverage: Cream Soda of any brand......sickningly sweet, cloying cream soda Dessert: Hostess Snowball cupcakes Dining area: Plastic woven mesh lawn chairs that make tic tac toe boards on your butt and your thighs. leftover plastic utensils from Long John Silvers excursions, McDonalds napkins............all beautifully arrayed on milk crate tables.....ahhhhhhh the rich life...... Dining partners: My sister.....she sitteth at the right hand of Jerry Falwell the father here on Earth. I'm pretty sure they already have her reservation called in down there. Michael Jackson......just visualizing that immobile ghastly masked face of his trying to chew on a cauliflower stalk.....would definitely fit in somewhere in the rings of Hell My last date who's name shall not be spoken.......I just like the thought of him breaking a sweat Paris Hilton-another person I resent for taking up the oxygen I need to breathe. I could go on, but I'm already tasking Cyn the chef way over her capabilities. That's my idea of Cafe Hell

3,246 readily accessible......My collections consists of everything from an 1814 Farm Woman's Cook book to The Peasant Breads of France. I'm lucky enough to be the recipient of all the family heirloom cookbooks from both paternal and maternal branches of the family. Community/Club/Church cookbooks also fill a good portion of this number. My favorite collection though........is all the receipts I have of hastily scribbled down receipts .......dating back to my great -great-great grandmother.

<-----Has this visual of the venerable Mr. Mayhaw sitting on the front stoop in a caned rocking chair, the air laden with moisture and the scents of the bayou heavy around him. The occasional whine of a dragonfly, piercing the stillness, when he pauses from his tales. The murmurs of several dozen adults sitting at his knees, rapt in attention. A plaintive "Daddy Mayhaw.....tell us some more, please?" hums over the heads of the audience............ Well done Mr. Mayhaw and good to read you once again.........