123 replies to this topic

[scrat68]

I used to work in Catering sales at a waterfront hotel. The purchasing guy was nice enough, but not the brightest bulb.

The kitchen crew really had it out for him after he screwed up an order. They took 5-6 loaves of bread outside and spread the slices out over this guy's new Red Jeep Cherokee.

It was simultaneously horrific and hysterical to see the havoc wreaked by the seagulls. The Jeep was nearly white with droppings. I thought that the purchasing guy's head was going to explode.

Save this one for your worst enemies!

[howsmatt]

Spread souffle batter all over the bathroom.

[Mr. Delicious]

Im am fired up, one of my cooks always leaves the topper open on his truck and we tend to fill it with boxes, packing peanuts and such, the ass just poured a ton of patchouile scented crap all underneath my seat, I am pissed, now its on, dont know my next step but now I and my car smell like a hippy and its giving me a headache. I did grab some air freshners, one for my car, 2 to smear on his hoodie before we go to the bar this weekend. His lesson learned, dont mess with the boss!

[Tom Gengo]

i like pouring liquid nitrogen into other peaple's back pockets////

LMAO, that gives a whole new picture in my mind to the term, "Freezing one's A$$ off."

[Tom Gengo]

Many moons ago on my last night working at an Italian restaurant as a dishwasher- I was assigned to train the newbie, a very good friend of mine. It was his first job. Firstly, I was 17 and had been the subject of many, many jokes. It was pay it forward time. It was a Friday night and we were slammed, ergo lots of burned cheese on the plates. I made my apprentice wash every dish by hand while I "ran the dishwasher." Dishes were coming back faster than he was washing and drying them and I was bellowing at him that if he was going to make it he would have to work faster. The poor SOB was a blur and the dishwater looked like a cyclone. THEN, I decided to spice it up, demanded faster work and started throwing him plates to wash b/c we needed more plates. WEll ever try to catch plates with soapy water shriveled hands.... he was dropping more than he was catching. Another threat of job loss, more plates, etc. Finallly he asks me why we can't use the dishwasher for the plates, well DA, it is for the silverware only.

However, the Chef heard the breaking plates, saw the plates coming out dripping wet and he had no more plate thereby throwing him in the weeds. He came back mad as a hornet. I calmly explained that the newbie had thought that he was supposed to do them by hand since his family was not able to afford anything like a dishwasher- a lie. Chef cussed, friend was really, really pissed w/ me when the chef told him to wash the dishes in the dishwasher, whole kitchen was in stitches.

I think I permanently damaged the kid psychologically- he never sought another job, he is still working at the same restaurant. I guess he is afraid of the newbie training elsewhere, lmao 30 years later.

[Tom Gengo]

Another, that began in a kitchen was retribution to a pledge to my fraternity in college. During an exceptionally cold spell in upstate NY Tony stole all my underwear, tshirts and socks and hid them. After 5 days of humor at my expense he sent me on a scavenger hunt that led me to a pillow case stuffed w/ my undergarments that had been repeatedly soaked in water... they were in the kitchen freezer.

I got even one very hot Friday afternoon. I was walking through the kitchen and the chef asks if I want a fish. He unwraps a 5 lb. mackeral, ergo oily and smelly. The chef cut the fishes throat per my fabrication instructions and wraps it back up.

I sneaked into Tony's room and he was very anal, bed was always made. I pulled back the covers, carefully unwrapped the fish and pulled the covers back into position. I laughed for an hour thinking of him climbing into bed after an evening of beer pong with a dead fish, sort of like the Godfather scene w/ the horse.

This went awry b/c Tony left for the weekend and it was in the 80's w/ no A/C. The entire floor was gagging fromthe smell, roommate moved out and there were several calls to facilities about some unidentifiable, distinctly foul smell. When Tony returned on Monday night he found a 1/2 putrified fish that had seeped into the pillow and mattress... heard that facilites employees were threatening to kill whomever it was that pulled the stunt as they gagged their way down the hall with the mattress. Smell never left the building the rest of that year. :D

[MrGerbick]

I've got plenty of stories on the reel that I can share but I'll add the most recent.

As most of you know, pretty much every kitchen has either goldbond or cornstarch in the bathroom. I, more so than others, use it quite often.

Our pastry Chef recently decided to empty the goldbond and refill it with powdered sugar. Needless to say, every 10 minutes I was wayyyyyyy sticky again and would need to reapply the "powder". Yeah, after a few days, it didn't turn out well.

Bitch.

My revenge was bitter-sweet. No pun intended.

We all know that Seabass is real fishy, right?! Really fishy. Anyhows, she got a piece of Seabass duct-taped under the desk of her main work counter. It took 2 weeks of the pastry department being in agony before they found it.

Edited by MrGerbick, 27 June 2009 - 12:37 AM.

[TimmDavis]

At a place I used to work at years and years ago we'd send the newbies to the basement to retrieve cans of steam for the steamer. Or if you were caught leaving your apron lying around instead of on you (where it should be) we'd hose it down and then stick it to the freezer wall.

[chefdg]

I always get a kick out of this one: Take a piece of printer paper and write on it "I am sofa king we todd it" and give it to the loudest mouth in the kitchen and ask them to read it out loud. Works every time.

[theisenm85]

I always get a kick out of this one:  Take a piece of printer paper and write on it "I am sofa king we todd it" and give it to the loudest mouth in the kitchen and ask them to read it out loud.  Works every time.

I'd be amazed if people still fell for that. Good stuff.

[Niki Heber]

this was my FOH manager:

after cleaning the employee bathroom spotless, the manager took some chocolate ganache and smeared it all over the toilet seat.

when the next person to enter the bathroom saw that, they made a huge fuss ("who $#!+ all over the toilet?!?!?!) and everybody was crowding around to check it out. when the front of house manager came by to check, he was told the situation and went to look at the toilet.

in front of everyone, without missing a beat, the manager bent down, took some 'poop' onto his finger, stuck his finger in his mouth and said "oh, that's kevin's"

[DanM]

This goes WAY back to high school when I worked at a theme park. We had this kid who was too stupid for words, Paco... but we called him Taco. If brains were dynamite, he could not knock his hat off. Welp, we one day we had him running around the park going from restaurant or stand to another searching for more steam for the steam oven we used to cook hot dogs. He never quite figured out that we were screwing with him.

Dan

[westxchef]

Our kitchen's favorite day of the year is April 1st. Consequently it is server's least favorite.
This year the kitchen took the server's fan that they keep in their wait station (one of those drum/blower type fans), and filled it with 2 boxes of cornstarch, then wiped the outside clean. The day was warm and it seemed perfect timing that ALL the servers were in the wait station when one of them turned it on, completely filling the area with a thick pall of corstarch dust. Forcing the servers to clean themselves and re-polish all of the glass ware and table ware.

[chefdavid321]

How about rotating the ice in the ice machine? Ever heard of FIFO? The kid was about to do it but I just couldn't honestly spare the time or ice.

Had the same kid scrambling for the chicken stretcher on a busy saturday night. The whole kitchen, although not in on it, went with it when the guy was rummaging around for it.

I need the Non-Stick Salt!

Squeegee sharpener!

We had an outdoor walk-in and it was cold outside. The chef put some hot stock in the walk-in and told the newbie to grab a trashbag, fill it with cold air from outside, go into the walk-in and release it. Keep doing it, he said, because the cold air outside would help compensate for the hot steam coming off the stockpot. Personally, I think an ice bath would be faster and safer.

[fishoner]

brulee a ramekin full of bacon grease and set it in the server station as a freebie

wait for a cook you dont like to forget to put his knife away and put it in a hotel pan full of water and leave it in the freezer overnight

[tukicook]

Couple drops of blue food colouring in FOH glass of cola... priceless

[Doodad]

Fish sauce. Hot sun. Done.

[tikidoc]

Our pastry chef kept having his truffles swipped. So for payback he rolled little truffles with a "refreshing" wasabi centre. It served 2 puposes, truffles never went missing and you had no problem spotting the theives.

Wow, you guys are more evil than medical staff. Lots of practical jokes take place on slow nights in the hospital. This thread has been a fun read.

Not a professional kitchen story, but I did something similar when I was an intern (medical). One of the chief residents kept raiding the fridge in the call room and eating my lunches (generally very tasty ones, if I do say so myself), but as the lowly intern, I couldn't really complain. So I baked up a batch of chocolate chip cookies and put a fairly large dose of powdered habanero in a portion of the dough, and put the cookies in my lunch bag. I tasted one, the heat does not register immediately because of the sweetness, easily allowing someone rapidly snarfing cookies to finish at least a couple before the heat starts.

He never stole my lunch again.

[brandonscott]

One of my favorites... I was the garde manger chef at a french place a few years back. We would get a lot of very green culinary school grads and stages who would start off under my supervision. Among other things, we were responsible for putting out family meal everyday (BOH & FOH sat around a table, together, to eat). I would always give the newbs a "take initiative" or "set yourself apart" speech... so just before eating, I would find one particularly green stage and tell them to 'take initiative' by leading the family meal with a prayer. This was always met with a confused look from the stage- but with just a little more convincing and a straight face it would occasionally work. The will to impress is a powerul one. And because there is usually no room for religion in a restaurant, especially this one, the looks on the staffs face was priceless. Laughter followed.

[gfweb]

Our pastry chef kept having his truffles swipped. So for payback he rolled little truffles with a "refreshing" wasabi centre. It served 2 puposes, truffles never went missing and you had no problem spotting the theives.

Wow, you guys are more evil than medical staff. Lots of practical jokes take place on slow nights in the hospital. This thread has been a fun read.

Not a professional kitchen story, but I did something similar when I was an intern (medical). One of the chief residents kept raiding the fridge in the call room and eating my lunches (generally very tasty ones, if I do say so myself), but as the lowly intern, I couldn't really complain. So I baked up a batch of chocolate chip cookies and put a fairly large dose of powdered habanero in a portion of the dough, and put the cookies in my lunch bag. I tasted one, the heat does not register immediately because of the sweetness, easily allowing someone rapidly snarfing cookies to finish at least a couple before the heat starts.

He never stole my lunch again.

That Chief probably ended up being a department chair.

[Broken English]

A few of my favourites...

Looking a bit suspicious and sniffing the end of an ISI you just used before asking an apprentice "does this smell off to you?", and as they sniff you give it a little burst, sending a good dose of nitrous into their nostril as well as spattering them a little.

We used to make a 'meringue' from salt and egg white that we sat oysters on. You can imagine the rest. It quickly became a running gag with new staff.

I was making chicken liver pate one day, and a waitress (a vegetarian) came over very excited with a big spoon, asking to try my chocolate mousse. The squeal was ear piercing, and to this day I can't work out how she didn't smell it.

[Panaderia Canadiense]

The best one I've ever done was to a kitchen member who used to rob from everybody's lunches and private stashes of stuff. I went to a friend's house, picked up a half pound of nice, dry bunny droppings, then chocolate coated them like raisinettes and packed them into a fancy-shmancy little cellophane baggie with a ribbon and left them in plain sight.

Yeah, they never pinched anything from another lunch.

[Kouign Aman]

I kiss your feet, Panaderia Canadiense. Better than Exlax cookies, or the horseradish-booby trapped banana (The person responsible cut a small circle off flower end, used a drinking straw to 'core' the banana, and filled the core with the hottest horseradish paste he could find, then replaced the button cut from the flower end. The lunch thief never struck again.).

[BadRabbit]

I regularly used to make noobs drain the water out of the coffee machine after service using the hot water spigot and a tea pitcher. My personal best was a guy that spent 15 minutes doing it before he realized that there was no way that machine held 30 pitchers full of water.

[Panaderia Canadiense]

OMG, Kouign Aman, I must remember the horseradish banana for next time I'm in a kitchen situation with a lunch stealer. The smartenin' up bunny raisinettes were a lot of work, but the screams of disgust from the theiving dishwasher (it's how we figured out she was the responsable party) were more than worth it.

I've also left aji-pepper truffles out for snotty waitstaff, but they paled in comparison, really.

[meat+fire]

Had a new expediter who was busting everyone's chops so one of the grill chefs asked her to come over to pick up a special plate for one of the tables. He was standing in front of a cutting board with his checks unzipped an a turkey neck inserted and resting on the board. As she came around the corner he cut the neck in two with a loud resounding chop with a cleaver. She passed out cold on the floor. After she came to, she left the restaurant and never came back. Mission accomplished.

[judiu]

Doesn't anyone play practical jokes any more? A cautionary word, though: if you think you'll be the butt of jokes, let yourself get "caught" by some of tne more gentle ones laugh heartily, and they generally won't escalate. Dodge too many and they'll get worse!

[scolobey]

sub raw whipped eggs for nacho cheese

[jrshaul]

Our pastry chef kept having his truffles swipped. So for payback he rolled little truffles with a "refreshing" wasabi centre. It served 2 puposes, truffles never went missing and you had no problem spotting the theives.

Wow, you guys are more evil than medical staff. Lots of practical jokes take place on slow nights in the hospital. This thread has been a fun read.

Not a professional kitchen story, but I did something similar when I was an intern (medical). One of the chief residents kept raiding the fridge in the call room and eating my lunches (generally very tasty ones, if I do say so myself), but as the lowly intern, I couldn't really complain. So I baked up a batch of chocolate chip cookies and put a fairly large dose of powdered habanero in a portion of the dough, and put the cookies in my lunch bag. I tasted one, the heat does not register immediately because of the sweetness, easily allowing someone rapidly snarfing cookies to finish at least a couple before the heat starts.

He never stole my lunch again.

Someone's been stealing my lunch.

Where do I get the habanero powder??

[Panaderia Canadiense]

Our pastry chef kept having his truffles swipped. So for payback he rolled little truffles with a "refreshing" wasabi centre. It served 2 puposes, truffles never went missing and you had no problem spotting the theives.

Wow, you guys are more evil than medical staff. Lots of practical jokes take place on slow nights in the hospital. This thread has been a fun read.

Not a professional kitchen story, but I did something similar when I was an intern (medical). One of the chief residents kept raiding the fridge in the call room and eating my lunches (generally very tasty ones, if I do say so myself), but as the lowly intern, I couldn't really complain. So I baked up a batch of chocolate chip cookies and put a fairly large dose of powdered habanero in a portion of the dough, and put the cookies in my lunch bag. I tasted one, the heat does not register immediately because of the sweetness, easily allowing someone rapidly snarfing cookies to finish at least a couple before the heat starts.

He never stole my lunch again.

Someone's been stealing my lunch.

Where do I get the habanero powder??

Dry/dehydrate some habaneros, then powder them in your mortar and pestle. Or, if you've got access to liquid Nitrogen, flash-freeze and then powder (it's a bit easier and a heckofalot faster).