123 replies to this topic

[Underfoot]

Okay so what I have seen probably isn't the greatest ever, but it sure is gross. We had a server who was also a manager at times, and loved to talk up the BOH to get rich dinners for free every shift he worked. They usually ran along the lines of wagyu, risotto, some type of roulade, basically something featuring the best we had that day. Even though one cook in particular seemed always to fulfill these wishes, I guess one day he decided to exact his payment for all those dinners he made at the end of his shift. Needless to say by this time the server had gotten used to receiving and totally trusted whatever he got.

Let's just say he's now a lot more wary of mayonnaise creme brulees (hey that rhymes!). Truly, truly disgusting. Other than that I think the most common trick played by our kitchen staff on the FOH was the smuggling of burning hot peppers in free meals.

[Ruth in Condechi]

Yes "professional" kitchens are a dangerous place to work.
All of the posts bring back some cherished memories both FOH and BOH.
But none compare with the accounts of Ludwig Bemelman in his book "Hotel Splendide".

Get some sophistication to those silly pranks. Read from a master.

[rezcook]

It was a couple days after halloween and I took the dummy off my front porch. Put a hangman's noose around the neck and hung it by the top tier of the walk-in freezer rack. Scared the bejusus out of the staff one by one.

Suckling pig head as delivery guy hood ornament.

bit of tomato stem (the green/black crown thing) looks insect-like, so I fold it just under my sleeve. "Hey Mel, somethings been itching my arm. Can you take a look and tell me if you see anything?" So Mel, female line cook, gets up close and personal just as I unfold the bit of sleeve and out pops the stem. She's afraid of spiders. She freaked... I would have been gutted had she a knife in her hand. Funnier yet was John, 50 year old steel worker turned cook. I had whispered "John, watch this" just before turning to Mel. When the stem pops out, he gives a school-girl scream and does a little dance of horror - he's afraid of spiders too!

20oz styro bowl plastic wraps, tubelike and about 30" long. I tell the dishwasher new regs require him to wear the plastic on his arms, like a giant condom, when handling the trash. We let him go for a week and a half on that one ("wheres the extra arm condoms?").

breaded deep fried chicken livers. "Hey whats this?" ask staff as they saunter in to work. "Chicken...its for staff" I reply in all honesty. They grab one, pop it into their mouth and promptly go "yeccchhh", spitting it into the garbage. (except chicken boy #11 who enjoyed 'em and finished them up).

and the 'pretend to be electrocuted' gag when moving the toaster is always fun with newbies.

not so much a practical joke, but fun nonetheless. I always kept a bottle of high octane hot sauce, like Blair's or The Bomb or Ground Zero for the loudmouth customer who wants "the hottest you got". Dishwashers and waiters generally think Tobasco is the hottest sauce around, so trying to educate them, I offer some of the heat on a toothpick. With a proper warning, of course, but they always accept... fun to see their eyes bug out and visit the ice machine every 5 minutes for an hour.

[Underfoot]

Yes "professional" kitchens are a dangerous place to work.
All of the posts bring back some cherished memories both FOH and BOH.
But none compare with the accounts of Ludwig Bemelman in his book "Hotel Splendide".

Get some sophistication to those silly pranks. Read from a master.

Thanks for the reference, looks interesting.

[paulraphael]

At the home made ice cream place where I worked, I discovered that one of the employees (who later went on to divinity school) was an absolute master of the prat fall. He would fall off of anything, completely convincingly, bringing down piles of plastic and stainless containers, tongs, milkshake cups, bins ... anything that could bounce, fly across the room, and make an incredible racket. He was willing to risk injury for his art, and many times ended up with cuts, black eyes, and shredded clothes.

I was manager of the place, in charge of ice cream making and FOH, and probably should have put an end to this. But life is short, so instead I became his apprentice.

It was like Karate Kid, with him teaching me tricks with increasing degrees of danger (and glory). The crowning achievement was to get on the highest rung of the step ladder that we used for changing flavors on the dry erase board, reach for something, and tumble off--bringing down the ladder, the markers, and all the loud containers and other props that we'd laboriously set up on the counter below.

The customers, it seemed, didn't like this. They didn't know if they should laugh, politely look the other way, or run for an ambulance. The employees who scooped the ice cream dreaded it (it made them nearly jump out of their skin, and then they had to pacify the customers). And the owner HATED it. But he somehow felt powerless to stop it. Maybe he thought we'd quit if we lost our only creative outlet.

Another game that tortured scoopers and customers alike was pioneered by a brilliant, filthy-minded ice cream maker. He staged mock dungeon proceedings in the kitchen. He loved the deafening noise you could make by slapping two of the long, plastic spatulas against eachother. He'd be alone in the kitchen, and suddenly the calm would be violated by a loud SMACK!!! followed by "Ow!!!" and then (through gritted teeth), "Thank you sir, may I have another!?"

This would be repeated fifty or sixty times, while the scoopers up front blushed and tried to pretend they don't hear anything.

Edited by paulraphael, 11 January 2008 - 01:42 PM.

[Joisey]

This just happened the other day, it's an old war horse and I can't BELIEVE anyone would fall for it, let alone the Assistant Director of Purchasing. One of my cooks asked Jerry for a specialty cheese for a dish he was working on, some "Fromunda" (GROAN..I know, it's 3rd grade but whatever). Jerry took the bait and called 4 or 5 local purveyors...The Director said he had 3 messages on his machine saying they've never heard of that particular cheese and they couldn't get it. It might be worse knowing that there are purveyors that would fall for that as well.

[Panosmex]

Its been years since I have worked in a kitchen but some funny things we did include...

- Baking a co-workers keys in a calzone.
- Deep frying the same workers keys (after this he kept them in his pants pocket.
- mixing in raw eggs with the hard boiled eggs that were used for salads.
- rolling wet side towels into the shape of a penis, freezing them, and putting them in interesting places (lockers, hotel pans, etc)
- Sending newbies to deliver pizza to addresses that don't exist
-

Or a twist on the raw egg trick: put one or two hard cooked eggs in the egg tray, just before the breakfast rush hits.

[ben mcmayon]

a favourite of mine is set the oven on full blast and place a spoon in it 4 around 30 minutes, carefully put it in ur commies pocket and see him try and get it out, end up with spoon shaped blisters on leg soooo funny!!!!

[dturner31]

I think I'm afraid of Reefpimp. Anybody with me?

im with ya

[McDuff]

Worked at a now defunct Frenchified place where we bought ice cream in by the half gallon to make the coupes, cutely named after the owner's daughter's and nicknamed by us using their family nicknames...Coupe Dodi, Coupe Mumfi, and Coupe Boom Boom. the luncheon chef buried a rabbit's head in a tub of vanilla ice cream and we were all highly gratified when a waitress turned it up with a scoop and screamed. He also put one in a bucket of side towels to be washed by the wait staff, but it was missed and wound up shedding bits of meat all through the wash.

[317indy]

spraying your coworkers pants with fish sauce always works...what the hell is that smell?!

[Lonnie]

My son, about to graduate with a second degree from the CIA, cut his culinary education teeth at Job Corps, a federal program that, as he described it, is like a cross between the military and prison. It was exactly what he needed. He wrote the following story down for me recently, about a trick he played early in his Job Corps career:

So it was vegetable day for me – I had to do different cooking techniques for vegetables. So I decided to make a fried portobello mushroom sandwich with grilled zucchini, eggplant and red peppers or something like that with a jack cheese and sun-dried tomato tapenade. I'd made this sandwich and I was in the cafeteria with my buddies Chris and Travis and this other girl, I think her name was Tasha. And we were eating and she asked me what it was, and I was like, “It’s a portobello sandwich.”

We had a mushroom in the cafeteria, and she asked us what it was, and we said it was a raw portobello mushroom, and Chris dared me to eat it. And I was like, “Okay, no problem.” And so I took a chunk of it and I chewed it and swallowed, and Chris turned to me and said, “Dude! Dude! I was just kidding!” And then he told me, “Portobellos are poisonous unless you cook them.” And so I kinda lost all expression from my face, and I turned to Travis and looked at Tasha who, by the way, was studying to be a nurse, and then I looked at Chris and said, “Are you serious?” and he said, “Yeah!” So I ran back into the kitchen looking scared. Out of view, I got a little latex glove and I cut the pinkie finger off of it and I put some baking soda in it. Then I blew it up so it was a really tight bubble, but small, about the size of a marble. And then I got a cup and put some white vinegar in it. And I kinda tucked the baking soda back by my molars and I walked back into the cafeteria holding something that looked like a cup of water.

Tasha was obviously concerned because I'd just eaten this poisonous mushroom. I was kinda weaving back and forth and I said, “Uhhh... I don’t feel too good.” I said something like “Maybe I should get some fluids in me, a drink of water or something.” So I took a swig of the vinegar and while it was in my mouth, I popped the latex balloon with the baking soda and as this massive amount of carbon dioxide was being produced in my mouth, I dropped to the floor and convulsed violently in what looked like a grand mal epileptic seizure while foaming at the mouth. So while I was on the floor shaking like no tomorrow, she ran and got one of the cafeteria workers. By the time she came back, I was on the floor still, not convulsing but laughing hysterically along with Chris and Travis.

She was pissed.

[Peter B Wolf]

Germany 1951, me into third month cooks apprenticeship.
Head Chef's tall order:
" Peter, you need to go the Hotel Restaurant "........." kitchen and asked the chef there if we could please borrow the
" Kuemmelspaltmaschine "
( a mechanical device to split Carraway seeds in half with )
Me, proud for such a tall order to be trusted with, went across town on foot. At the other establishment, making my chef's request, I was given, after about 15 min wait, a large box weighing just a bit over 50 pounds, and was told in a very stern voice to not open the box until I got back to our place.
Arriving, and naturally anxious to see this piece of small kitchen appliance I had never heard of, I was told to wait until all personell, including management and waitstaff was present as many had not seen this thing either.
Time came, everyone with eyes wide open, I, very nervous opened the carton to only discover that the box was loaded with plain old bricks.
40 or so people had their Schadenfreude and laughter prevailed for at least 15 minutes, plus I was reminded of this calamity, mine, for the next week or so.
Not to forget, the chef from the other place called and wanted to know when I would bring back his so much neede tool.
I was devastated and ashamed to fall for this practical joke

Edited by Peter B Wolf, 06 February 2008 - 05:02 PM.

[mroybal]

At a now closed kitchen I worked in the grill cook left his knife bag, adn his station filthy. We filled a lexan with water dropped his bag in and stuck it in the freezer.

[Peter B Wolf]

1958 Hotel Americana Miami Beach, Main Kitchen with Chinese section for Bal Masque and Medallion Dining Rooms.
Chinese Chef always having a Stogie in his mouth, Head Chef Hugo Huenecke constantly reprimanding the Chineman. To no avail.
At times he put the stub onto a produding metal hook holding a fire extinguisher.
We always seasoned the chewed end of the Cigar with Tabasco Sauce.
One cleaver swinging screaming Chinaman running berserk. Funny

[Lonnie]

Here you can actually watch a practical joke in process. Okay, so it's staged. But it is truly telling:

New boy in the kitchen

I meant to post this on the "new person in the kitchen practical jokes" thread, but for the life of me couldn't find it.

Lonnie

[Ariel Schor]

Heh...often sent newbies out for a "tomato ripener", "grape peeler" or a few cans of steam. Instead of tabasco down the straw we used Sriracha, which is a little more incendiary. Salt in the coffee is always a good one, which I have fallen for many a time.

We used to tease dishwashers a lot at an old job. This one guy, a total burnout, would always get the worst. Whenever it was dead and he was doing dishes, we cooks would take frilly tooth picks, coat the frills with mayo and throw them at him like darts. These "mayo darts" would stick for hours, and we managed to get almost 20 on him one night.

[jace]

I think I'm afraid of Reefpimp. Anybody with me?

No way. I think the reefpimp and I would get along famously! Ever heard of the fruitbasket? I'm not getting into specifics but it can get ugly, and involves male on male non-consensual groping.

One time, our sous left for a week long vacation and left his knife roll at work. So myself
and the saute cook snatched it, filled it with corn starch and zipped it up. We then dunked it in a lexan full of water and set it in the freezer till he got back.

He wasn't happy.

Another good one is to put salt cod in steamed milk and throw it in the chefs office and close the door. It'll make the place smell like a gynaecologists office at fat camp.

If you don't get fired it's only further encouragement to push it as far as you can go....

[FastTalkingHighTrousers]

Shove anchovies in mustard into the deeper slots of someone's knife roll and mash them up with a wodden spoon handle.
Usually they don't notice until 3-4 days into it.

[Tim Dolan]

Back in the day, we had a new hotshot on the line who was pissing everyone off with his bragging. Fortunately we served our soups in deep, narrow soup bowls. We took one, covered the top with one razor thin sheet of plastic wrap, swapped it to be next in line once it got busy and BANG, molten hot black-bean soup all over his hand. He was such a tool.

Dumping half a salt shaker into someone's drink is so basic, but always funny.

[Tim Dolan]

Also, one night a cook had it out with a particularly annoying FOH manager. FOH manager left his car doors open one night, so the cook took some fish flats out and dumped the nasty fish liquid underneath his floor mats. FOH manager bitched about the smell for a few days, and then went ballistic once the maggots showed up a week later. FOH manager even said he would give a reward if someone dropped the dime, but of course no one ever did. I love remembering that prank.

[walt smith]

"Sugar Cookie" dough recipe for the service staff

1 Lb. Blonde Roux

Shape into 2 oz. pucks, place on a sheet tray lined with parchment paper, place sheet tray on speed rack in conspicuous area, wait for service staff to indulge! Works every time.

[thomasdavis81]

the kitchen i worked in up until a couple of months was very cramped and very hot. All the line cooks would get pitchers of ice water to keep with us on the line so we didn't get dehydrated, when we were not busy we would drink cokes and fruit punch and shit like that so we mainly put hot sauce in each others drinks, with the water u could not do that though so one day some one stepped of the line to use the bathroom i poured about two cups of salt into his pitcher of water and stired it with my tongs until he returned from the bathroom. About the time he got back we had another big push to get out about twenty tickets or so after we did that he stepped back and took a huge swallow of his water the face he made was hilarious he spit it out everywhere, oh yea the best part was that the guy i did this to weighs about 340lbs.

I also took a server's cell phone because she would not stay off of it and wrapped it in plastic wrap and duck tape, took her about twenty minutes to get it all off. The next night she left it at the same place so i stuck it in my pocket and wrapped up some flour in plastic wrap and duck tape took her about twenty minutes to undo it again except this time all she got was flour all over her black pants.

[jonnyCinco]

Not up to the standards of some here, but I was working with this really annoying girl who always skipped out on half $$$ing her closing duties. So one night when we were closing I told her I needed her to drain the water out of the coffee machine (the type with the hot water spigot on the front). Now keep in mind that this thing is connected to the water supply and is only about a foot tall. 10 minutes later I can back and she was filling up her second 5 gallon bucket of water (which was bigger then the coffee machine) and whining about how long it was taking.

The confused expersion on her face when I finally told her that it never would run out of water made it all worth while... It actually became a standard prank to test the intellegence of new servers.

[-pk-]

I had a prep guy years ago at an Italian restaurant who I cought throwing handfuls of oregano into a soup that was not supposed to have any. When I asked him about it, he said, "It's oregano. It goes in everything."

The next morning I sent him downstairs to put an order away and steeped a whole bunch of oregano in his coffee. When he returned, he took a sip and spit it all over himself. I guess it really doesn't go in everything after all.

[jace]

What are some of the best practical jokes you've ever seen or been a part of?  Points for originality and mean-spiritedness.

For instance, everyone has hot-plated a waiter they are having a problem with.  A neat variation is to do it out of the pantry station...never expect a 200 degree salad plate.

The other day a vegetarian server thought it would be funny to throw ice down the back of my chef jacket. So, I filled her purse up with tenderloin scraps and threw anchovies in her coat pockets.

[boagman]

The other day a vegetarian server thought it would be funny to throw ice down the back of my chef jacket. So, I filled her purse up with tenderloin scraps and threw anchovies in her coat pockets.

Wow...decided to step it up about 5 notches, did we? I mean, dude: *anchovies*? Please, please, oh please...say it was a Coach purse or something like that. >;)

[Edward J]

Nastiest joke I ever saw was the old "Easy way to clean out the deepfryer". This was in Luzern, and the hotel always had tour groups coming through with Fritto Misto on the menu.

The Chef de partie played the apprentice like a violin and conned him with "look, you clear a consomme with eggwhite, right? So, why bother straining the oil? Just clear it with eggwhite. And the eejit apprentice goes for it, dumps almost a liter of eggwhites into the fryer. For a minute nothing happens, then "Swamp thing" starts rising up and crawling out of the fryer, a huge cake of eggwhite, dribbling oil all over the place. The look on the apprentice's face was priceless, the mess horrific.

The same Chef de partie was in the habit of hollowing out eggs, threading butcher's twine through, and hooking this assembly on the back of unwitting people's apron strings--both boh and foh. Nothing more hilarious than seeing someone walk with an egg dangling between their legs. And the same guy would take urinal pucks (pina colada flavour) sneak into the women's changeroom and stuff them in the a/c grilles.....

[Just Jim]

Not exactly kitchen related, but that's allways where it happened....someone would tell the new guy to ask me how my father danced, said I was very proud of him.
They come up and say "how does your father dance?'
I'd get the red face going and scream "That's f'd up, you know my dad doesn't have any legs!" and move towards them. (I'm 6'2", 300 lbs).
I had one dishwasher backpedaling off of the line as fast as he could, and I'm trying not to bust out laughing.

[finker99]

I like to tell the new guy the boss wants him to sweep the parking lot during a rain storm "hey, it's nuts, but the man signs our checks so go get a broom....."