61 replies to this topic

[Carrot Top]

...........................

A limerick a day keeps . . .well it keeps something or other away. At the very least, it is a good way to avoid doing unwanted other tasks.

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There once was a fry-cook from Malabar
Who made blowfish taste sweeter than azucar
"Fabulosa!" they cried
And he puffed up with pride
Son nombre? Es "Magnifico Superstar"!

One day a fine damsel was the bar
She enticed him to sizzle her, in her car
And after, he stumbled
The fish cleaning, bumbled
(In not getting the poison parts out too far).

A man ate that fish (with his salad bar)
He'd come here to eat quite afar from Quaatar
"Blech-hooey!" he cried
Then keeled over and died
And that fish dish is no longer too popular.

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P.S. Naturally you must understand, this is a Morality Tale.

Edited by Carrot Top, 21 October 2006 - 09:50 AM.

[Carrot Top]

I am really longing for more people to post limericks here.

May I hope to persuade you to give it a try with the fact that limerick-writing is good for your health? You will laugh or giggle, either outwards or internally based on your disposition, as the silly thing becomes itself, and everyone knows that laughter is every bit as healthy as science now tells us a glass of red wine is with dinner.

Then we will all laugh and be happy, too.

Do give it a try!
At the very least, so that those around you will ask "What are *you* laughing about?"

Pretty please, with caviar and toast points on top.

P.S. Sorry, Maggie, if this is posted in the wrong thread, not being a limerick itself, but my mind got tumbled about in its state of limerick love lust.

Edited by Carrot Top, 26 October 2006 - 06:22 AM.

[Simon_S]

So, inspired by Karen's comment about wine with dinner...

A glass of red wine had with dinner
Is said to make French people thinner
Atkins diet? No, f*** that!
Roast your taters in duck fat,
Add some salt and you’re onto a winner.

For those of a sensitive disposition, I apologise for the colourful language!

Si

[IlCuoco]

A fellow from Utrecht named Roi
Loved uitsmijter since he was a boy
He ate them every day
and all he would say
to "het lekker?" was always "ya, mooi"

[Simon_S]

There’s a man, Luis G, at El Bulli
Who decides when the seasons’s booked fully.
Mr. G. if you’re able
To grant us a table
We’ll send you our best Golden Gully!

Si

[Carrot Top]

You silver-tongued devils, you.

Thank you for making my day!

[Simon_S]

You silver-tongued devils, you.

Those devils with tongues made of silver
They NEVER like eating their fill, for
Bites of meat, veg and garnish
Simply cause tongue to tarnish
It’s a regular tongue that they’d kill for.

Si

[Carrot Top]

There once was a man from Cancun
Who used his tongue just as a spoon
His soup he slurped up
Like One Hungry Pup
Till it wrinkled and looked like a prune.


.................................................................



There once was a man in Taiwan
Who wanted to make saucisson
Fine meats, up he ground
Then squeezed tied and bound
Then served it with soy sauce splashed on!


..................................................................


There was an old vigneron from Reims
Who put butter on all of his stems
"Zut alors!" said the tourists
"Bah humbug" said the purists
He responded: "It works with les femmes!"

Edited by Carrot Top, 28 October 2006 - 10:35 AM.

[racheld]

I gotta say---Y'all DO beat all.

Si---you don't spend ALL your time at the keyboard.

[Carrot Top]

Gosh, Rachel -
It's funny that you should post right now. . . on the way home from the grocery store just a while ago I was putting together a limerick on Fairy Tea.

Edited by Carrot Top, 28 October 2006 - 03:48 PM.

[C. sapidus]

Thanks a lot, Maggie - I need another time-consuming obsession like a fish needs a bicycle. Anyway, here goes. Please be gentle – this is my first time.

A Thai chef mis-measured through haste
His fish sauce, bird chilies, shrimp paste
An excess of shallot
Offended the palate
His curries, the dog wouldn’t taste

. . . and in a similar vein, but more in keeping with the spirit of limericks:

An amorous lad from Thailand
Did not know his gal preferred bland
His meal of larb gai
And curry Chiang Mai
Left him alone, pestle in hand

A love-stricken man from Bangkok
Put chilies galore in his krok
His date took a taste,
Departed posthaste,
And left the chef holding his saak

*Krok and saak = Thai mortar and pestle. Yeah, I know, if you have to explain the joke, it isn’t funny. Probably doesn’t rhyme, anyway.

[moosnsqrl]

There once was a restaurant reviewer
Whose opinions her readers did skewer
Seems the stars she gave out
Were the cause of much doubt
To all but a few chefs who knew her.


Edited to fix type-o, belatedly.

Edited by moosnsqrl, 31 October 2006 - 03:36 PM.

[moosnsqrl]

To find a good wintertime melon
Would require the skills of Magellan
How much easier t'would be
To eat seasonally
And just buy what the farmers are sellin'.

[ludja]

^Excellent!

[Simon_S]

Si---you don't spend ALL your time at the keyboard.

Thankfully no! I wasn't too busy on Friday, and I just got the Limerick bug. You know how it is...!

Si

[Carrot Top]

Ah, well. One must stop running round rhyming and timing and cackling with laughter sometime(s), I imagine.

One last one from me, to give it the the old college try. Whatever that is.

..............................................

There once lived a lady called rachel d
Who cooked and then wrote quite joyfully
When asked how she did it
She'd smile like a true GRIT
For she held the secret of Fairy Tea.


................................................

Happy Halloween, everyone!

[Simon_S]

I was thinking earlier today that, as much as I've enjoyed this smackdown, a part of me will be relieved when it's finished, since I'm starting to drive myself mad thinking in Limericks. But then I thought "There's a Limerick in that"...

With my brain now resembling marshmallows
Quoth my raven, this Eve of All Hallows:
“Thirteen anapest feet
Weak weak STRONG, that’s the beat.”
Nevermore! Send this thread to the gallows!!

Si

[moosnsqrl]

I was thinking earlier today that, as much as I've enjoyed this smackdown, a part of me will be relieved when it's finished, since I'm starting to drive myself mad thinking in Limericks. But then I thought "There's a Limerick in that"...

With my brain now resembling marshmallows
Quoth my raven, this Eve of All Hallows:
“Thirteen anapest feet
Weak weak STRONG, that’s the beat.”
Nevermore! Send this thread to the gallows!!

Si

I hear you! I had a big presentation due today and the whole time I was working on it all I could do was try to put it all into the rhyme scheme. For some reason I don't think it would add to one's credibility (depending on the audience, I suppose).

I think Si should endow (there we are, using that word in conjunction with an Irishman again ) an eG scholarship and the winner could use the stipend for an extended stay in Limerick to see if the ability can be learned through immersion or is innate.

[maggiethecat]

I think Si should endow (there we are, using that word in conjunction with an Irishman again laugh.gif) an eG scholarship and the winner could use the stipend for an extended stay in Limerick to see if the ability can be learned through immersion or is innate.

I agree, and I think that The Dark Lady of the Smackdown should get to go first, just to check it out, and all!

Last call, my Limericketeers. This competition ends tonight at midnight, in the time zone of your choice.

[Simon_S]

I think Si should endow (there we are, using that word in conjunction with an Irishman again ) an eG scholarship and the winner could use the stipend for an extended stay in Limerick to see if the ability can be learned through immersion or is innate.

It's rare for *anyone* to go to Limerick by choice. Tourism Ireland will probably be so stunned to hear of willing visitors that they'll set up the scholarship themselves.

Si

[I jest, I jest. I'm sure Limerick's "Stab City" moniker is ill-deserved... ]

[Pontormo]

A vegan from Texas named John
Cared deeply how lobsters got on.
Same goes for hens
And pigs in their pens
And udders, he shudders, "Come on!"

"Mommy cows should be nursing their broods,
Not some fully grown, butt-scratching dudes.
As for ducks and their throats
No more stuffing down oats—
Just purchase them froze at Whole Foods!"

"We read stories to them every night,
Tuck them in—not terribly tight
They range free and play sports
On fields, lakes and courts
And when axed, waddle into the light."

Edited by Pontormo, 01 November 2006 - 10:17 PM.

[Daniel]

Nice Pontormo..

My big toe recently grew out
The doctors called it the gout
An option to choose
Is no oysters and booze
I am going the medication route


There are Crystals forming in my toe
But there are worse places it can go
Like Jupiter or

I am just going to stop now..

Edited by Daniel, 01 November 2006 - 11:26 PM.

[racheld]

I''ve LOVED these!!! All that meter and rhyme---it's just been a funfest.

And one for MEEEEEEEEEEE!!! That's a first. Nothing rhymes with my name, I'm afraid. I am honored and humbled. Thank you.

[Daniel]

I am going to add a revised version of my original.. This was edited by Pontormo, so this would be a two person entry..

There once was a man from Peru
Who devoured too much Barbecue
He'd scarf fistfuls of pork
Forgoing his fork,
So his heart became gristle and goo.

[Ptipois]

There was a pudding in Aruba
Natives called the Jumbo Rum Baba.
When they tried to share it,
The Gods couldn't bear it
And sent forth the demon Humbaba.

[Carrot Top]

the demon Humbaba.

I think I know that guy.

..........................................

There once was a Man of the World
Who ate caviar till his hair curled
Silver spoons used as shovels
For fish eggs he grovelled
Till the day that he finally hurled.

[Carrot Top]

There once was a girl from Saigon
Who only ate sweets and wontons
Boys who ate pickles
She thought were quite fickle
And immediately sallied "So long!"

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There once was a lawyer from Nimes
Who ate ventricles pork fat and spleens
Though admired for his head
He was terrible in bed
And could barely fit into his jeans.

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There once was a lass from Pawtucket
Whose attitude hinted she'd suck it
But when it was time
To pick up that lime
In her fingers merely she stuck it.

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December requires limericks, to my mind.

[Carrot Top]

Limerick to Celebrate the Past Full Moon Yesterday

................................................

There once was a wan girl named Hannah
Who ate only seeds and bananas
But one day on a hike
She found something she liked
It made her experience nirvana.

For she'd met a fey guy named Lars
Who spent lots of time in sports bars
He gave her foie gras
She said "Ooh la la!" then screamed
"Ah! Me gusta bailar!"

Entonces they ate many things
Pigeons en croute and hot wings
Those hot dogs with fixins'
She ate with conviction
And sometimes she started to sing.

There once was a wan girl named Hannah
Who'd discarded her only bandana
Now she ate escargots
And wriggled her toes
As she waved her "so-long's!" to Montana.

[Carrot Top]

There once was a girl from St. Pete
Who couldn't decide what to eat
So she purchased some prawns
Then mixed them with brawn
And discovered they tasted like feet.

[paulraphael]

The sommelier I called with a roar,
"There's a fly in my Chateau Latour!"
He said monsieur Keller
has more in the cellar,
but each glass gets one fly, never more!

Edited by paulraphael, 02 October 2007 - 02:10 PM.