47 replies to this topic

[Fat Guy]

Let the limericks begin . . .

[Anna N]

There once was a clam from Nantucket
Who found himself caught in a bucket
No one finger salute
For this bivale so cute
So he hauled off and just said "OH SHUCK IT".

Somebody had to start! Anna N

[GordonCooks]

He said Bobby Flay was his hero
Even his pie crust contained habanero
It was his dream, not a hobby
To cook just like Bobby
Too bad it was more like DeNiro

[donk79]

There once was a man from Sarasota
and boy did he like his soda.
And so as the weather got hotta and hotta,
He went for the Fanta Shokata!!!

[kitwilliams]

Original, I assume. While I'm thinking of one, here is a personal favorite. And it's about Pie! Well, actually, Pi....

A favorite project of mine,
A new value of Pi to assign.
I would set it at three
For it's simpler, you see,
Than three-point-one-four-one-five-nine.

okay, here's my first attempt:

An eGulleteer named Craig Camp,
Went foraging for some fresh ramp.
He boiled them with milk,
Mashed his spuds smooth as silk
And produced a terrific Ramp Champ.

I'm still waxing poetic ( ) about ramps and Craig, yours was the only egullet that came to mind that rhymed. Hope you don't mind. And, of course, we all know that ramp (with no "s") is also the plural.

[btw]

re the limerick comp. I wrote this for CBC radio in Canada a number of years ago. here goes ~
there once was a hog who did snuffle
under leaves and twigs did he ruffle
with his nose did he poak
underneath a dead oak
and unearthed a most glorious truffle

enjoy Bruce

[Xanthippe]

A young lad named Armisted Auger,
Favored copious foam on his lager.
To the barmaid he said,
“Give me plenty of head.”
Whereupon she karated his schwagger.

And, if I'm allowed another try:

Young Fred, who lived west of L.A.,
Tried to beef up his bratwurst last May.
Adding peppers and spice,
He ground everything twice --
Now he takes a Viagra each day.

[T. Brooks]

For a Gala, soiree, or a fete,
It's imperative to serve a rillette,
For the money I'm paying,
I'd be quoted as saying,
"Put twelve in my stomach or jet"

[zilla369]

Okay....here goes nothin'

A knockout new restaurant reviewer
Her tastebuds and visage both pure
Was about in the town, and while making her rounds
The heart of each chef she did skewer.

A waiter ran into the walk-in
And said “Chef, there’s no more time for talkin’!
That reviewer is here, and she’s ordered a beer,
And the whole wait-staff’s out there just gawkin’!”

The Chef made his way to her table
(Her melons were covered with sable!)
He said “Madame critic, please have some Glenfiddich,
And I’ll make the best meal that I’m able!”

He sent out asparagus flan
And a stunning free-range coq au vin
He plied her with cider, and sat down beside her
Presenting warm, crisp tarte tatin.

She exclaimed, “What a wonderful dish!”
And the Chef, so emboldened by this,
Was so floored by her charms, he took her in his arms,
And leaned in to pilfer a kiss.

He’d prepared himself for a slap,
But instead – felt a hand in his lap!
What a glorious night! And with no end in sight,
He dismissed his whole staff with a snap.

He remarked on her miniscule waist
And worshiped her radiant face;
So fetching was she, he fell to one knee
And proposed that they be wed post-haste.

She slurred “Chef, I am flattered and all,
And though I’m convinced you’re a doll,
Many thanks for the thought, but alas I cannot -
I’m afraid your cucumber’s too small!”

[Fresser]

I told this one to my surgeon before undergoing knee surgery:

There once was a gentlemanly fella
Who suffered from an aching patella.
Though a cortisone shot
Hit his pain in the spot
An arthroscopy made it all better!

He laughed, then he put a mask on my face.

Next...

A matron with an enormous proboscis
Called her doctor to seek his prognosis.
"I would urge rhinoplasty,"
Said the doctor, "And not lastly,
Listerine to cure your halitosis!"

Thank You! I'll be here all week!

[relatuit]

Oh well, looks like someone's already taken the cucumber vein, but here goes...

"It's too soft", garde manger quipped demurely
"No, too short", whispered she, nodding surely
"Should be firm, nice and long,
crispy sweet, smooth and strong!
Not for my salad, cucumbers too early!"

an attempt.

[acmegumbo]

Zoo 'Que

A man from the South missed 'que
so much that he went to the zoo
He caught a giraffe
and cut it in half
and smoked it in lots of goo.

It did not provide satisfaction,
tho blessed with ample olifaction
Despite slow cooking in goo,
it had considerable chew;
too much to provide groovin' action.

Tho his appetite was almost indomitable,
he found the zoo 'que abominable.
He wondered aloud
if he'd been too proud
to do that which was honorable.

He said, "What the heck!
I'll butcher the neck."
He cut it in two,
and made a ragu
and served it out on his deck.

[Gifted Gourmet]

Beurre manié behaves much like a roux,
Flour and butter in soup, sauce, and stew.
You whisk like the dickens
To add it; it thickens
The stew (and your arteries, too).
-- Carl Lands

source for this limerick

When I came across this site just now, I found some truly delightful and clever limericks ... has anyone got a food limerick to share?

more eGullet limericks here ...

[scordelia]

There once was a girl from Nantucket
She put all her clams in a bucket
She put up a pot to boil
But could not find butter nor foil
So she threw them back and said "Fuck it!"

or

There once was an alderman named Moore
Who sought to a way to enlarge his score
It need not be a large coup
Any cause celebre will do
He teamed with PETA, foie gras no more!

Edited by scordelia, 19 June 2006 - 07:50 AM.

[Simon_S]

Not an original, but I've always enjoyed it:

There once was a lass from Kilbride
Who ate so many apples she died.
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside her inside.

Si

[tino27]

There once was a gourmand named Renee,
who simply adored his aspics and gelees.
Out of curiosity one night,
the kitchen staff he did sight
Making Jello salad with week-old fume.

[moosnsqrl]

Our cats demand petting, those two
So we've nicknamed them Kobe and Wagyu
When they're fattened and tender
We think they will render
A gourmet, upscale feline stew

Sorry. Needless to say, I'm kidding. Please address complaints to Fat Guy - he started it

Edited to make sense.

Edited by moosnsqrl, 11 July 2006 - 03:49 PM.

[moosnsqrl]

OK, how 'bout this.

There once was a Chef named Bourdain
Whose age in the kitchen caused pain
So he took to writing
Folks found it exciting
and now royalties fall down like rain.

[kitwilliams]

My favorite sweet, the Dacquoise,
Gives the epicure reason for puoise*.
Be it lemon or coffee,
Sides coated with toffee,
It leaves connoisseurs ooh-ing their uoise*.

(* yeah, it's a stretch, unless you have Buoiston accent!)

[Pan]

There once was a man from New York
Who could use neither spoons nor a fork
When they brought him some soup
You could see his head droop
'Cause he felt like a miserable dork.

[maggiethecat]

An addiction that scrambles your brain--
Keeps you busy on airplane or train
The Limerick's a curse
But it could be much worse
You might need a drink in Bahrain.

[FoodMuse]

There once was a girl who craved steak
In fact, it was all she would take
She wouldn’t eat greens
And she sneered at string beans
Until she ate one by mistake

Strangely enough, I’m having fresh green beans from the farmers market and grilled steak for dinner.

[moosnsqrl]

A writer whose surname is Ruhlman
Thought going to CIA would be cool, man
But his trip to Hyde Park
Would prove more than a lark
And now he's a food-writing fool, man.



OK, I'm not proud of it but seemed like Michael deserved equal time

[lancastermike]

Feeling of fine fettle,
Susan Fahning fires the kettle,
Sausage, turkey, bacon or butt,
She knows keeping that lid shut,
Brings results that deserve a gold medal

Edited by lancastermike, 13 July 2006 - 06:39 AM.

[lancastermike]

Into the wilderness Marlene went,
You're kidding, sleep in a tent,
A princess at night,
wants not bugs that bite,
And breakfast in bed to be sent

[2BLU-EYES]

Just a quickie....

Some friends of mine from Berl'n,
Was sent to a state of hurl'n.
When they ate Mickey-D's -
Their intestines did seize-
The commode, I can hear, still whirl'n.

[Alchemist]

I have never written one of these before. It's a first try.

There was a bartender from Manhattan
Who’s drinks resembled hot satin
He shimmied when shaking
Till his arms started aching
He ran his bar like general Patton.

[srhcb]

The was once a proctologist's nurse,
said she didn't know which was the worse,
Those who gardened while nude
or wrong-ended their food,
her stories were really perverse!

SB (based on actual events)

[Daniel]

There once was a man from Peru
He loved to Barbecue
He'd eat fist fulls of pork
Not stopping to fork
His heart quickly turned into goo

[esperanza]

A nouveau Chinese from St. Louis
Was known for his shocking chop suey
With pieces and bits
Of pudenda and tits
Twas delicious, if just a bit chewy.

Edited by esperanza, 05 September 2006 - 11:43 PM.