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Culinary Signs of the Apocalypse: 2012–


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#1 pastrygirl

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 10:59 PM

This was being sampled at my local grocery store recently: http://www.dcicheese...go-fire-cheddar

So very wrong. I scoured the store for a sample of something else to get the taste out of my mouth. <shudder>

#2 DanM

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Posted 16 January 2012 - 07:09 PM

I hate to admit this, but I actually like Tofurky sausages! I think the best is their sun dried tomato Italian sausage.

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#3 natasha1270

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Posted 17 January 2012 - 12:18 PM

Dr Pepper Ten. Marketed to men. Is it really more manly to drink a soda with 10 calories than a Diet Dr Pepper with none?
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#4 ChrisTaylor

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 03:25 AM

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I was at the local bottle-o today, searching for Cynar, when I overheard the guy behind the counter promoting a 'chilli beer'. There is a chilli maruding, Jawstyle, in every bottle. The man at the counter, he told a woman who bought this stuff that maybe she shouldn't kiss anyone, shouldn't use her lips, after drinking 'a few' of these beers. And he smiled, all lechlike. It sounded interesting--in a truly horrific, car accident way--and it was only a couple of dollars per bottle, so I figured I'd take a gamble. Who knows? Maybe it'd be okay.

Turns out, it's everything I imagined it to be and worse. Take a whiff when you open the bottle (or pour it into a glass): basically it's the smell of freshly chopped, raw chillies. And the taste? They use a Mexican lager, so you don't get a helluva lot of 'generic beer flavour': it's just chilli, chilli, chilli. Think eating pickled jalapenos straight from the jar. And I do that. I like beer: ales and, yes, lagers especially. And I like chilli--I like eating pickled jalapenos from the jar. But this ... this is shit. As much as I like chilli sauce, I don't really want to drink it. It's maybe not as bad as the chilli red wine I sampled a while ago, but that's like saying having your foot run over with shoes on is better than having your foot run over when you're barefoot: it's still a horrendous experience.

There's also this really sinister ... it's not an after taste, not quiet, as an after taste is something that occurs in your mouth. No, this is an after feeling. I can feel it in my stomach. My gut is asking me, in a very rude fashion, just what the fuck I think I'm doing. My girlfriend, who sampled the beer too, decided she feels like puking. I can't believe the guy at the counter raved about this shit. It's a horrid, horrid, horrid product. Avoid.

Edited by ChrisTaylor, 08 February 2012 - 03:31 AM.

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#5 LindaK

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 05:47 AM

Spotted last weekend: dedicated equipment for baking 6 cupcakes.


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#6 HungryC

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 10:27 AM

At least the Sunbeam cupcake maker is probably cheap: Williams Sonoma is hawking an individual pie maker from Breville at the price of "just" $80.

#7 Beebs

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 10:55 AM

On the subject of cupcake makers, I saw these at the London Drugs: Cake Pop Makers
I've never made cake pops, but I can't imagine it being all that difficult to squish a bunch of cake crumbs into a ball....

Also, these seen-on-TV things are just weird: Eggies
The eggs are pretty funny-looking when they come out of the contraption, not even egg-shaped.

#8 mkayahara

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 11:15 AM

On the subject of cupcake makers, I saw these at the London Drugs: Cake Pop Makers
I've never made cake pops, but I can't imagine it being all that difficult to squish a bunch of cake crumbs into a ball....

My mother got one of those for Christmas. I threatened to re-purpose it as a takoyaki maker!
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#9 DianaM

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 11:19 AM

For me, this one: chunks of meat glued together to look like steak.

http://consumerist.c...glue-steak.html

Incredible, frightening, and sickening at the same time.

#10 Shalmanese

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 12:15 PM

For me, this one: chunks of meat glued together to look like steak.

http://consumerist.c...glue-steak.html

Incredible, frightening, and sickening at the same time.


Yet more scaremongering.
PS: I am a guy.

#11 andiesenji

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 01:18 PM


For me, this one: chunks of meat glued together to look like steak.

http://consumerist.c...glue-steak.html

Incredible, frightening, and sickening at the same time.


Yet more scaremongering.



I posted about this last year and was thoroughly trounced. I can see that it can serve some legitimate purposes by dedicated chefs wanting to produce something new and interesting.

My problem with it is that there are a lot of unscrupulous people out in foodland who are willing to use just about anything to squeeze extra $$$ out of consumers and there is no guarantee that the product they are using is pure and uncontaminated with unwanted ingredients.

As long as products are honestly labeled with the true ingredients, I can make an informed decision on whether or not to purchase them.
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#12 Dakki

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Posted 10 February 2012 - 10:27 AM

"You've always been a lover of bacon. Now you can be a bacon lover, with baconlube™, the world's first bacon-flavored personal lubricant and massage oil."
This is my skillet. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My skillet is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it, as I must master my life. Without me my skillet is useless. Without my skillet, I am useless. I must season my skillet well. I will. Before God I swear this creed. My skillet and myself are the makers of my meal. We are the masters of our kitchen. So be it, until there are no ingredients, but dinner. Amen.

#13 Mjx

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Posted 10 February 2012 - 12:45 PM

"You've always been a lover of bacon. Now you can be a bacon lover, with baconlube™, the world's first bacon-flavored personal lubricant and massage oil."


Please let this be an elaborate joke, please... I mean, I'm openminded and all, but bacon just would not get me going, not in that way, anyhow. Ick.
On an equally uplifting, tasteful, and, unfortunately, apposite note, Stronzo beer tastes like beer with... wait for it: orange juice. Yep, this brew has it all: classy name, charming marketing, and a flavour that makes you want to pound a bottle of Jaegermeister to make it go away. YeeHah.

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#14 kayb

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Posted 10 February 2012 - 06:50 PM

"You've always been a lover of bacon. Now you can be a bacon lover, with baconlube™, the world's first bacon-flavored personal lubricant and massage oil."


Please tell me you made that up.

Cake pops are pretty cool, though. Or were, until I got the celiac disease diagnosis....right after the most wonderful cupcake shop opened up downtown. Lemon-lavender cupcakes. Almost worth falling off the gluten wagon for.
Don't ask. Eat it.

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#15 kayb

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Posted 10 February 2012 - 06:51 PM


"You've always been a lover of bacon. Now you can be a bacon lover, with baconlube™, the world's first bacon-flavored personal lubricant and massage oil."


Please let this be an elaborate joke, please... I mean, I'm openminded and all, but bacon just would not get me going, not in that way, anyhow. Ick.
On an equally uplifting, tasteful, and, unfortunately, apposite note, Stronzo beer tastes like beer with... wait for it: orange juice. Yep, this brew has it all: classy name, charming marketing, and a flavour that makes you want to pound a bottle of Jaegermeister to make it go away. YeeHah.


Speaking of making it go away...whoever invented Jaegermeister ought to be taken out and duly shot.
Don't ask. Eat it.

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#16 Mjx

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Posted 10 March 2012 - 10:21 AM

. . . .
...whoever invented Jaegermeister ought to be taken out and duly shot.


:raz: We can't all be real classy-like, and appreciate that herb-licorice flavour!

Apparently in an effort to hasten the End of Days, Coors' will be debuting iced tea flavoured beer in April. If you find this depressing, Cupcake vodka (mentioned in this same article), is there to help you kill enough brain cells to enable you to forget that people have evidently lost track of the fact that booze is for grownups.

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#17 Snadra

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Posted 10 March 2012 - 01:45 PM


. . . .
...whoever invented Jaegermeister ought to be taken out and duly shot.


:raz: We can't all be real classy-like, and appreciate that herb-licorice flavour!

Apparently in an effort to hasten the End of Days, Coors' will be debuting iced tea flavoured beer in April. If you find this depressing, Cupcake vodka (mentioned in this same article), is there to help you kill enough brain cells to enable you to forget that people have evidently lost track of the fact that booze is for grownups.


Every time I trawl Pinterest there are a gazillion pins for Jolly Rancher flavoured vodka. {shudder}


The pie makers, muffin makers and omelette makers (common local brands include Breville and Kambrook) have been seen here for sometime. My first pie maker sighting was way back in 1995. I remember a few years ago they were classed as one of the hardest sales on eBay, because they usually weren't selling for much more than 99 cents (hot dog steamers were in that category too).

#18 kryptos1

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Posted 12 March 2012 - 06:59 AM

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Turns out, it's everything I imagined it to be and worse. It's a horrid, horrid, horrid product. Avoid.


x2 My cousin likes to try different beers and the ones he doesn't like turn into "guest beers" that sit in his fridge. He opened on up and one sip was enough for me to use the same words you did....ugggg

#19 Jon Savage

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Posted 24 March 2012 - 08:31 PM

Pre prepped mirepoix sold @ trader Joe's, Vons and the like.
Circa $3/lb (454 gm).

As if it is too much work to do one's own prep...


I also wonder if people making their own stocks/soups/sauces are really the target market for this?

'Nuf said I prep my own stuff.

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#20 teapot

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Posted 24 March 2012 - 09:13 PM

I suppose this is more a sign that the marketing apocalypse is near (but then, isn't marketing to blame for most of these transgressions) but I found the Belvedere Vodka ad making mock of forced sex pretty despicable.

#21 Kim Shook

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Posted 19 May 2012 - 10:02 AM

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cable guy dinner by ozisforme, on Flickr

Good God.

#22 Pierogi

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Posted 19 May 2012 - 10:08 PM

Hey, Kim, at least its deeply discounted, so maybe it wasn't selling ! There may be some hope for the future after all.
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#23 Kim Shook

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Posted 20 May 2012 - 05:47 AM

Hey, Kim, at least its deeply discounted, so maybe it wasn't selling ! There may be some hope for the future after all.

Your optimism is one of the things I like best about you!

#24 Peter Green

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Posted 20 May 2012 - 08:46 AM

I came across this at the big new mall three blocks West of Sanlitun Village in Beijing.

Posted Image

Deep down, I know that Hello Kitty will be one of the Four Horsemen. Either that, or she's deposed Cthulhu in R'lyeh. I'll have to look into this.

#25 Panaderia Canadiense

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Posted 20 May 2012 - 08:55 AM

Hello Cthulhu?
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#26 Peter Green

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Posted 20 May 2012 - 09:00 AM

Hello Cthulhu?


I see a whole world of merchandising in this concept!! :smile:

#27 SylviaLovegren

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Posted 21 May 2012 - 05:34 AM

Apparently in an effort to hasten the End of Days, Coors' will be debuting iced tea flavoured beer in April. If you find this depressing, Cupcake vodka (mentioned in this same article), is there to help you kill enough brain cells to enable you to forget that people have evidently lost track of the fact that booze is for grownups.


Our local liquor store was featuring Cupcake Vodka, Vanilla Vodka, and some other "cake-flavored" vodkas the other day. When I made some comment about gag-inducing, the clerk said "oh no, they're fabulous, lots of fun at parties and they really do taste like cake!" Oy.

#28 Mjx

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Posted 23 May 2012 - 10:43 AM

Pizza Beer. I love pizza and am capable of appreciating beer, and I get having them together, but... I have a bad feeling about this.

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#29 Toliver

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Posted 21 June 2012 - 09:28 AM

You can now buy Olive Garden products ("signature ingredients") at Sam's Club. Square mozzarella anyone? :blink:

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#30 Dakki

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Posted 03 July 2012 - 03:45 PM

SPAM for the Mall Ninja set: Tactical Bacon. Only $16.95 for a 9 oz can!
This is my skillet. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My skillet is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it, as I must master my life. Without me my skillet is useless. Without my skillet, I am useless. I must season my skillet well. I will. Before God I swear this creed. My skillet and myself are the makers of my meal. We are the masters of our kitchen. So be it, until there are no ingredients, but dinner. Amen.