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Worst meal at someone's home - Part 1


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#331 Laughing Goddess

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Posted 28 March 2005 - 06:24 AM

What, nobody else has a bad Easter dinner story to tell?

For some reason that I can't figure out, my family perpetuates a myth that my cousin is a great cook. This is what she served us for Easter yesterday:

Turkey -- way, way overcooked, dry and stringy. Easily the worst turkey I've ever had.

Ham -- don't know what kind, but it was super-salty and inedible.

Some kind of potato casserole, baked with onions and cream in it and Kellogg's Corn Flakes on top! This was the best of the meal, though --

Vegetables -- broccoli, corn, carrots, all seemed to have come out of cans. Weirdly colored and strangley flavored -- does broccoli come in cans?!

And the worst of all -- macaroni salad. This seemed to be macaroni, Miracle Whip, dumped in a bowl then sprinkled with paprika. I kept eating it though, because I couldn't beleive it was so bad!! :laugh: I just can't figure out when anyone would serve it.

But they're all good people and we had a good time. It was too late to cook by the time we got home, so I just heated up a Trader Joe's vegetable pizza and was a lot happier, food-wise, last night. :rolleyes:

#332 Susan G

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Posted 28 March 2005 - 07:24 AM

It seems like the thread has recently added another type of bad meal. If the previous catagories were bad meals by the clueless, the addled (by time or, uh, chemistry), the overconfident, the untried, the thrifty, the malicious..............then the new catagory would be, "Meals By Those Not Yet Housebroken". Consider my current re-reading of The Odysssey: Even 3,000 years ago, those who were oblivious to the needs of guests were worse than barbarians: They were monsters.
I'm a canning clean freak because there's no sorry large enough to cover the, "Oops! I gave you botulism" regrets.

#333 handmc

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Posted 28 March 2005 - 09:29 AM

I love this thread, pure comedy. I also sudder to think, since I cook often for firends and family, that perchance there may be a story where either I or my meals are a topic. I hope not. I try hard to please.

At least I know no one will go away hungry, assuming the food to them is edible, I always make more than I need.

**************************************************
Ah, it's been way too long since I did a butt. - Susan Fahning aka "snowangel"



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One summers evening drunk to hell, I sat there nearly lifeless…Warren

#334 DeVeaux

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Posted 28 March 2005 - 10:13 AM

A friend of mine and I had dinner at his Aunt & Uncle's house in Circleville, Kansas.

She made "lasagna". It was made with cottage cheese rather than ricotta, which she had never heard of. Layers of lasagna noodles, cottage cheese and Hunt's "Eye-talian" sauce.

I was, needless to say, "too full" for seconds, and my Italian Step-Father back in New York was aghast when I described this to him.

Edited by DeVeaux, 28 March 2005 - 10:14 AM.

"Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."

#335 racheld

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Posted 28 March 2005 - 05:09 PM

Does ambience (lack of) or welcome (hardly any) count? Perhaps this would be "Worst TIME you ever had in someone's home."

Several years ago, a man who worked with my husband in a government office still owned his home here, though his family lived in DC, where he worked for most of the year. His contract with the people who rented his house here entitled him to a room there whenever he was in town. Being a bachelor of sorts, he was invited to our home to dinner countless times over a couple of years; he ate and drank and thoroughly enjoyed all his meals here, and was certainly a complimentary guest.

Then, perhaps feeling the one-sidedness of the situation, he invited us to his home for dinner one Summer evening. Our college-age daughter was here at the time, so he included her in the invitation. We arrived at the appointed time, to be greeted by our "host" and the male occupant of the home---a burly, hairy man in a vest-no-shirt ensemble with enough bling to make glad the heart of Mr. T.

We sat on the patio and were entertained by Blingman with tales of his jewelry purchases, his Cadillac shopping and how much money he had flung at the cable people to obtain the upcoming Tyson fight. Finally a meek young woman came out with seven small children in tow. They surrounded us, talking and playing; our daughter engaged them in several games and rhymes, while the woman fired up the grill, then started cooking a platter of hamburger patties. Neither of the "men of the house" made any effort to assist her, even when she had to change the gas tank.

My husband jumped up to help, got her all squared away, and she called the children and they all disappeared inside. I had asked if I could do anything to help; she invited me into the kitchen, and handed me a knife, an onion and two tomatoes to slice. While I was slicing, she mentioned that only the oldest child was hers, the rest were her day-care group. Since most of their mothers were strippers at a bar near their house, she had children for twenty-four hours a day, with pickups at all hours of the night. She was so tired, and so obviously did NOT want us there, I could not imagine what we should do to alleviate her stress---take our leave and thus give her insult as well as the injury our "friend" had inflicted on her?

My heart just broke for that mousy creature, living with that loud, greedy braggart who used her hard-earned money to buy all that useless trappery. When I finished my slicing chores, she said to just go on back out and she'd call us when it was ready. She came back out to retrieve the burgers and went back into the house.
After about a fifteen minute interval, she sent the oldest child out to say, "She says you can come eat if you want to." We five trooped into the kitchen; the table had one empty space amongst all the children eating their dinner. The gracious host took that one. The woman took her plate to the only clear counter space; there were four buns left, plus four patties, three tomato slices, and no onion. A jar of mayonnaise with a handle-smeared knife protruding was the only condiment. Since our plates were the strength and consistency of notepaper, we scooched all the way into the next room to find a place to put them down.

First time we ever ate dinner off a washing machine.

Edited by racheld, 28 March 2005 - 06:28 PM.

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#336 Behemoth

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Posted 28 March 2005 - 07:11 PM

There was a great diner on the way to their house, and we'd stop there and eat, and that way we just didn't mind when there wasn't enough food.  But for a lot of reasons, this being the least of them, we cut our blossoming friendship with these people short.


I don't blame you... I simply couldn't socialize with people like that. I really don't mind any well-meant mistakes no matter how bad but this kind of behavior just indicates an arrogant ugliness that I would need to put myself as far away from as possible. Maybe it's my arab nature poking out here but I just can't see humor in it -- I'm just completely appalled! :shock:

I should add -- I've been served some truly weird things in my life: whole roast head of a goat, roast chicken with head and feet intact, iraqi-style boiled tripe... not to mention the sort of mistakes of overreaching by inexperienced hosts, the dry overdone meat, the crunchy underdone vegetables, etc etc but they were all served with such a generosity of spirit I simply cannot include them as part of this thread. Your story really wins the prize.

Edited by Behemoth, 28 March 2005 - 07:17 PM.


#337 snacky_cat

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Posted 28 March 2005 - 09:49 PM

I consider myself most fortunate to have not experienced anything remotely close to the dinner party horrors described in this thread. I'm only 25 though, so I'm sure it's simply a matter of time...

The worst meal I have ever had occasion to eat occurred during a 10th grade camping expedition. As a brief aside, this was the single worst outdoors experience I have ever had in my entire short life, and, 9 years after the fact, I am still loathe to even look at a a canoe or a tent.

I digress. The students in our class were paired up for the trip, with each pair manning their own canoe, sleeping in their own tent, and providing their own meal. I partnered up with my good friend Karen, who happened to be a vegetarian. I packed our beverages for the trip, she handled the food.

I will save myself several hours of typing and omit the wilderness horrors we encountered on our way to the campsite, suffice to say that by the time the dinner hour rolled around, I was looking forward to whatever it was that Karen had concealed under the foil wrapped containers she was carrying.

Our teacher chaperone set up a small portable propane barbecue on a nearby boulder, and supported the setup with a large piece of plywood that was lying around the campground. Being that the BBQ was so small, only one pair's meal could be cooked at a time. The teacher set the BBQ alight, loaded the first meal on, and turned her attention back to the rambunctious teenageers.

About 5 minutes into the cooking process, one of the students pointed in the direction of the BBQ and asked "Should it be on fire like that?". Apparently Teach had forgotten to set the BBQ on its little BBQ legs and had instead set it directly on the plywood. The large vent hole in the bottom provided direct access to the plywood, and the BBQ and plywood sheet were now alight. Given that said BBQ was attached to a propane cylinder, Teach though it prudent that the BBQ should be taken as far away from the students as possible.

All 20 students were treated to the sight of our chaperone, who upon recollection really can't have been much older than 25 or so, sporting oven mitts and clutching a flaming BBQ, all the while shreiking "GET AWAY FROM THE FLAMES! GET AWAY FROM THE FLAMES!". She ran down the beach, and with the strength of an Olympic discus thower, she hurled the flaming grill into the ocean.

Needless to say, those poor students lost their dinner and the rest of us had to dine on uncooked fare. I ate what Karen had brought - veggie weiners and a mix of cauliflower, broccoli and carrot chunks with Italian dressing - and retired to our tent to experience the worst indigestion I have ever had the misfortune to sit through.

I have not gone camping since then, but my fear of veggie cuisine and raw vegeatbles has subsided to the point where I can function normally. I am still petirifed of lighting BBQs, however.

Jenn
"She's not that kind of a girl, Booger!"

#338 rockhopper

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Posted 29 March 2005 - 05:33 AM

My college roommate used to make "mushroom supreme," which consisted of the following:

- Dump a can of mushrooms into an ovenproof dish
- Add a can of (undiluted) cream of mushroom soup
- Bake.
- Eat with toast.

BLEEH!!! (And why bake it? Baking doesn't add anything to an atrocity like that!)

Here's his version of chili:

- Fry a pound of ground beef.
- Dump in a can of cream of tomato soup.
- Throw in a can of kidney beans.
- Sprinkle with a very, very small amount of chili powder.

Talk about bland! Not downright disgusting, but so damn "trailer park." Compare that to this, a shameless plug for my own chili:

http://blork.typepad...chili_the_.html

View Post


The mushroom supreme sounds like it's a cousin of the equally revolting poutine. It even rhymes.

Hate to be mean but your recipe isn't much better for a chili. It's more of a beef stew. Call it that and no one would make a comment. The "chili" is a few Jalapenos and that's it for the chiles? The chile powder (i.e. 1% chile, 99% gunk) is "optional".

You might want to discover dried chiles.

ps
Orthograpic note:
the dish is chili and the main ingredients are fruits called chiles.
Dum vivimus, vivamus!

#339 carswell

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Posted 29 March 2005 - 08:51 AM

Orthograpic note:
the dish is chili and the main ingredients are fruits called chiles.

View Post

<off-topic minirant>
While you're right that usage is changing, especially among a vocal group of Southwest US food writers and their adherents, and while I admit that the earlier post is the first time I've seen the dish spelled chile, your categoric claim that the "fruits are called chiles" is not only prescriptive, it's patently wrong. "Calling" the fruits chilis or chilies is perfectly acceptable US English. For example, see the 11th edition of Merrriam Webster's, published in 2003, where chili is the headword and chile an alternate spelling. And let's not forget the rest of the English-speaking world, eh? The standard Canadian spelling for the fruit is chili, whereas chilli is preferred in India and, if I am not mistaken, the UK, Australia and New Zealand.

Have been meaning to start a thread on the spelling of culinary terms. Maybe this will push me to do it.
</off-topic minirant>

Edited by carswell, 29 March 2005 - 09:03 AM.


#340 DTBarton

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Posted 29 March 2005 - 09:47 AM

Here's his version of chili:

- Fry a pound of ground beef.
- Dump in a can of cream of tomato soup.
- Throw in a can of kidney beans.
- Sprinkle with a very, very small amount of chili powder.


This reminded me of a college roommate I had who made an even simpler chili.

-Fry a pound of ground beef.
-Dump in a copious amount of ketchup.
-Stir.

Dinner!

#341 reesek

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Posted 30 March 2005 - 03:00 PM

And once, when we arrived for a dinner invite, there was a note tacked to the front door that said "sorry, we got a better invite - see you another time!"

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that is hilarious.

isn't it amazing how people find each other? the in-laws spawned one of those two, but seemed normal enough.
from overheard in new york:
Kid #1: Paper beats rock. BAM! Your rock is blowed up!
Kid #2: "Bam" doesn't blow up, "bam" makes it spicy. Now I got a SPICY ROCK! You can't defeat that!

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#342 handmc

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Posted 30 March 2005 - 03:18 PM

My wife and I were served 6 year old roast once by a "friend" who always had us over to cook "real gourmet food."

He let us know about half way through - his meal- we stopped eating after his announcement. He and his wife kept eating....

Edited by handmc, 30 March 2005 - 03:18 PM.


**************************************************
Ah, it's been way too long since I did a butt. - Susan Fahning aka "snowangel"



--------------------
One summers evening drunk to hell, I sat there nearly lifeless…Warren

#343 NulloModo

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Posted 30 March 2005 - 04:50 PM

Markk -

wow, those people are fascinating. My biggest flaw in having people over for dinner is cooking way too much, in fact, my roomate has expressly forbidden me from doing it lately because he fears the leftover and subsequent dish buildup and always follows...
He don't mix meat and dairy,
He don't eat humble pie,
So sing a miserere
And hang the bastard high!

- Richard Wilbur and John LaTouche from Candide

#344 Ladycake

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Posted 30 March 2005 - 05:43 PM

Bless His heart! My ex.....

You have to realize that I am a professional chef...and early on he was trying so hard to impress me...oh, my!

Spam studded with little cloves and glazed with mustard and brown sugar, canned peas and iceburg lettuce with bottled 1000 Island!

My nightmare come true! All I can say is bless his heart, where ever he is!

But you know, I think I have one worse. A co-worker (before I was a chef) told me she had an old family recipe for the best vegetable chowder in the world. So after much anticipation I went home with her for lunch one day to a "wonderful" bowl of Carnation Evaporated Milk with Frozen mixed vegetables! Ugh, in any language!

#345 jayt90

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Posted 30 March 2005 - 05:58 PM

My college roommate used to make "mushroom supreme," which consisted of the following:

- Dump a can of mushrooms into an ovenproof dish
- Add a can of (undiluted) cream of mushroom soup
- Bake.
- Eat with toast.

BLEEH!!! (And why bake it? Baking doesn't add anything to an atrocity like that!)

Here's his version of chili:

- Fry a pound of ground beef.
- Dump in a can of cream of tomato soup.
- Throw in a can of kidney beans.
- Sprinkle with a very, very small amount of chili powder.

Talk about bland! Not downright disgusting, but so damn "trailer park." Compare that to this, a shameless plug for my own chili:

http://blork.typepad...chili_the_.html

View Post


The mushroom supreme sounds like it's a cousin of the equally revolting poutine. It even rhymes.

Hate to be mean but your recipe isn't much better for a chili. It's more of a beef stew. Call it that and no one would make a comment. The "chili" is a few Jalapenos and that's it for the chiles? The chile powder (i.e. 1% chile, 99% gunk) is "optional".

You might want to discover dried chiles.

ps
Orthograpic note:
the dish is chili and the main ingredients are fruits called chiles.

View Post

This is not only mean, but catty.
The recipe uses 8 jalepenos and a quantity of chili powder for 1.5 lb beef chunks, carefully chopped and braised. I doubt if the powder is 99% gunk. Most spice companies would make sure they provided what the label says: chili peppers, ground up, with some seasoning.
I saw a recipe like this, a prize winner, in Esquire, ca. 1969. I'm glad to be re-acquainted with it. The Esq. recipe had poblano, serrano, jalepeno and other dried chilies, but chili powder and beer were also included.

#346 markk

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Posted 30 March 2005 - 06:33 PM

Markk -

wow, those people are fascinating.

View Post


I'm glad so many people are enjoying these tales. As I've mentioned, this was a relationship that was forced on me, although I did eventually end it. But in the meantime, I've remembered the "Chinese Restaurant" story...

After I first got to know them, I did them a fairly large favor - they didn't ask for it, but it was something that I knew they could use, and I volunteered, and did it because that's what life is about - if you have something to share, and one of your friends can benefit from it, you share. So I did something nice for them, and it was a fairly 'above and beyond the call of duty' thing, but I was happy to offer, and happy to do it, and had no ulterior motive or reward in mind.

Still, to thank me, they announced that they were taking me out to dinner. We went to a fairly expensive Chinese restaurant that they liked. It was just me (as it was a night that my other half was out of town on business). This restaurant had a few specialty items, one of which was a "Dim Sum" appetizer that consisted of 3-each of 3 different dumplings (total=9 pieces).

They ordered one of those to start for the 5 of us. And let me say at this point in the tale that they had mentioned a few times before the dinner started that I was their guest, as they were treating, so I didn't feel it was my place to say anything as they ordered.

They asked the kids what they wanted, and the kids chose a noodle dish (which they immediately halved and served themselves upon its arrival, naturally). Then the Mrs. ordered a main course for the adults, and asked the husband if he wanted another dish. He asked us if we liked 'curry'. The wife replied "honey, you ask me that every time, and you know I detest curry", and I replied that I dislike curry and don't eat it either. So the husband replied "great, more for me!" and ordered a curry dish as well, for himself, of course.

Anyway, back to the tale. The Dim-Sum appetizer arrived in a gigantic and festive steamer basket, and inside were three groups of three-dumplings each. The husband took the basket, and of course took one-each of the dumplings. Then the basket passed to the youngest child (6 or 7 at the time) who took one each, and then to the older child (10 or 11) who took one of each. Of course, for those of you who are counting cards, that's all nine dumplings! And there was "mom" and me, the guest of honor, left. So once again mom feigned horror (where was she ten minutes earlier when they ordered the dish?) and screamed at the kids to "put some back", so each one returned one dumpling. When the two dumplings came our way, mom asked me "you take one and I'll take one?".

Then the "main" dishes arrived. The kids had theirs, and of course, some of what mom had ordered for the table. Dad had his curry dish all to himself, and you know it, some of what mom had ordered for the table. And I, stuffed from my one dumpling, had one-fifth of the main dish, this being of course the "thank you" dinner that I was taken out to.

Well, I'm glad you're enjoying these tales. I got a million of them.
Overheard at the Zabar’s prepared food counter in the 1970’s:

Woman (noticing a large bowl of cut fruit): “How much is the fruit salad?”
Counterman: “Three-ninety-eight a pound.”
Woman (incredulous, and loud): “THREE-NINETY EIGHT A POUND ????”
Counterman: “Who’s going to sit and cut fruit all day, lady… YOU?”

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#347 SobaAddict70

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Posted 30 March 2005 - 07:01 PM

I think at that point I would have cut things off in that relationship.

You're a much better person than I. :huh: :wink:

Soba

#348 winesonoma

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Posted 30 March 2005 - 07:44 PM

I think at that point I would have cut things off in that relationship.

You're a much better person than I.  :huh:  :wink:

Soba

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I would have cut some other things off. Where do you find these people? Did not someone kill them for you? :raz: :raz: :raz:
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#349 Milagai

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Posted 31 March 2005 - 07:52 AM

My wife and I were served 6 year old roast once by a "friend" who always had us over to cook "real gourmet food."

View Post



6 year old roast
??!! :blink:
how do you even do that?
been in the freezer for 6 years?
or roasted for 6 years?
or....
a roasted a 6 year old (insert name of beast here)?

milagai

#350 touaregsand

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Posted 02 April 2005 - 03:49 PM

Worst meals-

I was 15 and it was at an Indian friends house, I sleptover. I like Indian food by the way. Dinner was great. But breakfast was all together different. She made these spiced dough fritters in a vat of what looked and smelled like bad oil to me. I'm not much of a fried food eater and I never make them at home because I have an aversion to the smell of fried food in the house. (I'll have to makes some chick pea fries for research though). So for me first thing in the morning, dough fried in bad oil served with a very tart and spiced yogurt was just too much. The fritters were really oily, oily with the bad oil. Did I mention that bad oil?

Dinner with a couple that we were starting to become friends with, but they were just too damn cheap and annoying in other ways. We arrive and we can't smell anything cooking, no aroma of food whatsoever. They have some nuts, cheeses and dips out with 3-4 crackers. We finish the crackers, they put out a few more but never more than 4. Same thing with the nuts, only a few are put out at a time. We notice 1 bottle of wine, of course we brought one ourselves, so that makes 2 for the entire evening. The woman starts on the salad. I thought she was making one portion at a time. Wrong, it's for everybody. We sit down to eat (I'm still wondering when she'll start cooking the main course). Divided amongst 4 adults individual salad portions come out to about 1/4 cup. She brings out the entree, it's room temperature chicken breast with a bland chili sauce and not enough salt. The breasts are dry, bone dry. The portion sizes are 1/2 a breast. Dessert is a single slice of cake. Not a single slice for each of us, a single slice for all of us. We left starving and thirsty. The weird thing is this woman bragged about her cooking.

Dinner at a Vietnamese friend's house. I like Vietnamese food by the way. But this woman just loved her fish sauce. She used copious amounts of it in this noodle dish. Just to give you an idea of my threshhold for fermented fish stuff I like fermented cuttlefish and salted shrimp. We could smell it as soon as we walked in. It permeated the entire evening. Eating this noodle dish was an act of politeness that I will never again duplicate.

#351 Tess

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Posted 02 April 2005 - 04:06 PM

Dinner with a couple that we were starting to become friends with, but they were just too damn cheap and annoying in other ways. We arrive and we can't smell anything cooking, no aroma of food whatsoever. They have some nuts, cheeses and dips out with 3-4 crackers. We finish the crackers, they put out a few more but never more than 4. Same thing with the nuts, only a few are put out at a time. We notice 1 bottle of wine, of course we brought one ourselves, so that makes 2 for the entire evening. The woman starts on the salad. I thought she was making one portion at a time. Wrong, it's for everybody. We sit down to eat (I'm still wondering when she'll start cooking the main course). Divided amongst 4 adults individual salad portions come out to about 1/4 cup. She brings out the entree, it's room temperature chicken breast with a bland chili sauce and not enough salt. The breasts are dry, bone dry. The portion sizes are 1/2 a breast.  Dessert is a single slice of cake.  Not a single slice for each of us, a single slice for all of us. We left starving and thirsty. The weird thing is this woman bragged about her cooking.


The sparseness reminds me-- I married a professional athlete, and he and all his friends had a tendency to subject guests to whatever weird phase of dieting they were in at any given time. You might get something like a piece of fish baked with lemon juice and nothing else, or just a salad with no dressing. The problem was, everyone always seemed to be on a different diet. And then if they didn't happen to be dieting, they were eating the world. You might get fried sausages and fried spaghetti topped with pesto, and ice cream for dessert. It was almost literally feast or famine with these people, and it was hard to guess which. One of the first times we had dinner guests over (before we were married) my husband persuaded me to serve nothing but salad. As soon as I put the salad out, one of the other guys said, "I'll have the salad with my main course." But I didn't have one! After that I always served normal food and let the dieters sort themselves out.

#352 handmc

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Posted 03 April 2005 - 08:40 AM

My wife and I were served 6 year old roast once by a "friend" who always had us over to cook "real gourmet food."

View Post



6 year old roast
??!! :blink:
how do you even do that?
been in the freezer for 6 years?
or roasted for 6 years?
or....
a roasted a 6 year old (insert name of beast here)?

milagai

View Post



We were told the roast had been in his grandmother's freezer for 6 years and they had been cleaning it out and he asked, yes asked, if he could have it rather than throw it away.

**************************************************
Ah, it's been way too long since I did a butt. - Susan Fahning aka "snowangel"



--------------------
One summers evening drunk to hell, I sat there nearly lifeless…Warren

#353 Phatlouie07

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Posted 07 April 2005 - 04:51 AM

at a friend's house, my friend served fried fish in this soy sauce-jacked sauce. you couldn't even taste the fish..all you could taste was the saltiness of the sauce. and since my friend was going through one of those diet phases, my friend served a trio of no-carb ice cream, vanilla, chocolate and strawberry. that no-carb ice cream tasted like crap.

#354 rockhopper

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Posted 07 April 2005 - 09:38 AM

This is not only mean, but catty.

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Isn't the point of this thread to make snarky catty remarks? :wink:

The recipe uses 8 jalepenos and a quantity of chili powder for 1.5 lb beef chunks, carefully chopped and braised. I doubt if the powder is 99% gunk.


Oh, "carefully chopped and braised". That changes everything. But it's still a jalapeno stew.

Glad you think there is no gunk in supermarket chile powder. I have a 1985 car to sell. Only 100 miles on it. Interested?
Dum vivimus, vivamus!

#355 JohnEtt

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Posted 07 April 2005 - 03:10 PM

The worst is animals, no matter what is served. I'm sorry, but dining at someone's home with a dog in your crotch and cats continually jumping up and walking undisturbed across the table is disgusting.

The cat on the table before and during dinner was the most memorable "bad meal" I've experienced.

#356 winesonoma

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Posted 07 April 2005 - 03:41 PM

The worst is animals, no matter what is served. I'm sorry, but dining at someone's home with a dog in your crotch and cats continually jumping up and walking undisturbed across the table is disgusting.

The cat on the table before and during dinner was the most memorable "bad meal" I've experienced.

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How was the cat served? Was it tasty? :raz: :raz:
Bruce Frigard
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#357 WHS

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Posted 07 April 2005 - 06:18 PM

The worst is animals, no matter what is served. I'm sorry, but dining at someone's home with a dog in your crotch and cats continually jumping up and walking undisturbed across the table is disgusting.

The cat on the table before and during dinner was the most memorable "bad meal" I've experienced.

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Our true friends are the ones that don't run screaming out the door when we put the plates on the floor after dinner and let the dogs lick them. "Pre-rinse".

#358 rooftop1000

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Posted 08 April 2005 - 05:55 PM

The worst is animals, no matter what is served. I'm sorry, but dining at someone's home with a dog in your crotch and cats continually jumping up and walking undisturbed across the table is disgusting.

The cat on the table before and during dinner was the most memorable "bad meal" I've experienced.

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Our true friends are the ones that don't run screaming out the door when we put the plates on the floor after dinner and let the dogs lick them. "Pre-rinse".

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as long as the dogs name isnt "cold water" so later you can say these dishes are as clean as cold water will get em......sorry old joke

dont all dog owners have that prerinse cycle??

Edited by rooftop1000, 08 April 2005 - 05:55 PM.

The great thing about barbeque is that when you get hungry 3 hours later....you can lick your fingers
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#359 scordelia

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Posted 11 April 2005 - 04:36 PM

My worst is my mother-in-law's Thanksgiving dinner. She is on a no fat kick (okay, Thanksgiving is not the time to be on a no fat kick). So she takes her old recipes and makes "substitutions" like Eggbeaters for eggs in the stuffing, corn starch and water instead of roux in the gravy (makes the gravy taste Chinese), Splenda in the pies. You get the picture. To top it all off, she grills the turkey with NO BASTING LIQUID. The bird is dry and has skin like leather. Of course, part of this health kick is nothing is salted either.

Last Thanksgiving, we managed to be in London, so we escaped this food travesty. Have to come up with something for this year!
S. Cue


#360 Jambalyle

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Posted 12 April 2005 - 11:40 AM

Probably about 1985, my roommate's ex next door neighbor started talking at work about the clams he made.  Over and over about the clams.  best you'll ever have. Not my favorite person, but rooms wanted to go.  The guy asks "How many clams can you eat?"  He was talking about grilling them somehow.  I said, "maybe a dozen or so". 

So, we get there and this guy has the biggest, gnarliest, chowder clams you've ever seen.  They're on a hot charcoal grill.  He hadn't washed them and way overcooked them on dry firy heat.  The result was gritty, dried up smoked Goodyear tire rubber with a touch of lighter fluid.  No sauce, butter, or anything to taint that pure clam goodness.

He got mad when I didn't eat my dozen.

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Reminds me of Dean, a college housemate, whose idea of dining was gnawing on a raw potato. Dean loved clam chowder and often made (and served) his own. He would go down to the bay (Bellingham) and gather "clams" (or anything else in a shell that would wash up). He would throw them on the stove in a sauce pan and boil them in milk, shells and all. He would ladle it out and serve with saltines (borrowed from the college dining hall) and Buckhorn (see bad beer thread). He loved it and so did some of our other friends, until they ended up in the hospital with paralytic shellfish poisoning. They thought the "numbing feeling" was from the beer! It doesn't count as my worse meal, because I wouldn't eat it.

I think Dean just turned 50 and is still living in Bellingham... he probably has another batch of his famous chowder on the stove as I write.
Sitting on the fence between gourmet and gourmand, I am probably leaning to the right...

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