Funeral/Wake Food...

[Fay Jai]

A dear friend is moribund, and we fear he will be passing soon. We have really NO experience in making casseroles or that type of thing, but we want to make something to take to the family when nature takes its course.

Is there a thread on this, or does anyone have any suggestions at all? The family isn't really into anything really exotic, just a simple, Middle American type dish would be best, I think...

Many Thanks,

Jason

[Gifted Gourmet]

eGullet thread on funerals and food ...

an even longer thread on funeral foods

[Jake]

Anything you make will be appreciated. Mac 'n chees, lasagna, soup anything easy to heat up. Depending on your area, perhaps a gift cert. for a restaurant that delivers, with a copy of the menu?

[Mayhaw Man]

The threads listed above have some good suggestions.

And might I add that you should take whatever you take in something that you don't want back and probably something that is disposable. Also, if it is in the casserole category, it's a good idea to take something that is ready for the freezer, even if they end up using it immediately.

[DTBarton]

Agree with all above. Our standard mourning gift is lasagna in a throwaway foil pan. Straightforward lasagna, nothing too exotic so all palates and ages will enjoy. I tape an index card on the cover with instructions for baking and a reminder that the whole thing or any leftovers keep in the fridge fine for a few days or freeze very well.

[Kris]

Chili

Baked ziti

[Toasted]

I would suggest a deli tray with sliced meat, cheese, and rolls. Add a couple of small containers of mustard and mayo. A pasta salad or a potato salad would go along well. Best wishes.

[Pam R]

I'm going to suggest something different. A big part of our business is actually funeral (and after-funeral) food. While anything is absolutely appreciated, people are often happy to receive something like a cake or desserts. When everybody is bringing casseroles and meals, it can be nice to change for the mourners.

[TrishCT]

I agree with the previous poster. Casseroles require cooking and reheating. I like to bring something like an apricot tart or blueberry pie. Both keep well refrigerated and can be eaten over the course of several days.

[suzilightning]

anything you bring( something that can be frozen, casseroles for the family at the time or sweets[ really appreciated any of those cakes i don't like to make that i could offer to other mourners paying their respects when my mom died] will be appreciated by those who are missing their family member. any sincere expression of mourning is always welcomed and celebrated.

[Pam R]

I catered a funeral today - and during/after the meal, friends and family were arranging to have us cater meals throughout the week for the immediate family. The kids requested pizza. If there are kids in the family, it's always nice to think of something they may enjoy.

[Franky2Times]

I catered a funeral today - and during/after the meal, friends and family were arranging to have us cater meals throughout the week for the immediate family.  The kids requested pizza.  If there are kids in the family, it's always nice to think of something they may enjoy.

←

Sad, sad, sad. Just give the kids sandwiches, cookies, cake, whatever kids love (pizza too). Lotsa booze for adults. The only funerals I ever attended were for my immediate family (mom, grandparents and cherished aunts and uncles) and I really didn't care about food (if it matters, I'm an executive chef). Just wanted to get really drunk.

Edited May 17, 2005 by Franky2Times (log)

[Jaymes]

It's awfully hard to second guess what the friends and neighbors will be bringing over. In my experience, there have been a lot of sweets....cookies, cupcakes, cakes and pies. And the sorts of things easy to pick up at a deli, and easy to have around the house, like cold cuts, crackers, cheese. Another poster said that in his experience, there are not so many sweets, so desserts would be a good idea.

I don't know. It's really kind of a crapshoot, but I've unfortunately been to a lot of funerals...part of the price for growing so old. And I've found that a lot of the kinds of things people take are darn hard to make a filling meal out of.

I take soup. A big pot of nutritious vegetable soup. Or a chowder or stew. That way, they can leave it simmering on the stove and dip into it when the mood suits. It's good with a sandwich, or by itself. You can make a meal of it, or just have a 'little something' to tide you over.

The only drawback is that you do have to take it in a nice big stewpot or Dutch oven, which means someone has to deal with it. I've always been in a position to be able to take care of the pot myself. But if you're not, then obviously the disposable type of container is far preferred. Like people suggested with the lasagna option.

But the bottom line is, as others have said, not to worry about it too much. The family is comforted by the fact that you show up with anything. And that you care.

[jgm]

I like to take freshly-baked bread or homemade cinnamon rolls. People rarely, anymore, have a chance to enjoy either one of these, and they are almost always a welcome addition to the casseroles and other things that others bring. If I'm bringing homemade bread, I also will often bring a flavored butter - labeled, so that it doesn't end up as a surprise on somebody's mashed potatoes.

Also, don't forget about a fresh vegetable or fresh fruit tray. Even at a regular potluck, I'm always excited to see anything fresh.

[snowangel]

Last time I took food over to someone's house during funeral time, I took ice cream (some tubs of Ben and Jerry's and some ice cream sandwiches for the kids of all ages), some fresh fruit (bananas and some grapes which I washed first), an assortment of olives, cheese and crackers, and some bagged salads. I know, not home made. But, they were vey well received.

They had been deluged with casseroles and baked goods, and appreciated the ease of the bagged salads, and the fact that ice cream can just go into the freezer. The ice cream sandwiches were a huge hit.

Most of all, they appreciated that I brought stuff that was easy, and that I thought to bring something other than other than another casserole, cake or cookies.

Oh, I also stuck in a bag of really great coffee which I ground just before I left the house.

[chuchelo]

Some suggestions if the food is for a repast following the funeral with large attendance: big chunks of protein, like ham, roast beef, roast chicken, etc. and lasagne, potato salad, mac & cheese, steamed broccoli, salad...

For food for the family in the weeks to come, consider delivering a whole meal, bagged salad, washed and sliced veggies to eat raw or to steam, some rolls and a main dish. If you make a casserole, it's a good idea to list the ingredients (in case anyone is allergic) and provide directions for re-heating. If you want your dish back, label it clearly.

Go light on the desserts and think about nutrition. Sending pizza for the kids once is fine but grief is hard enough without living on caffeine and sugar.

[Susan G]

I like to bring a baked spiral ham: It's easy, appropriate for large numbers of people, (depending upon religion), and can be eaten warm or cold.

[Jaymes]

If you make a casserole, it's a good idea to list the ingredients (in case anyone is allergic) and provide directions for re-heating. If you want your dish back, label it clearly.

All good advice, but if you really want to endear yourself to the family, go to the store and get some of those throwaway aluminum bakers. That way, they don't have to worry about scrubbing it clean, much less hanging onto a large breakable dish, worrying about the name sticker falling off, and then getting it back to you.

Send all food in disposable containers that the family can just toss.

[Jaymes]

Last time I took food over to someone's house during funeral time, I took ice cream (some tubs of Ben and Jerry's and some ice cream sandwiches for the kids of all ages), some fresh fruit (bananas and some grapes which I washed first), an assortment of olives, cheese and crackers, and some bagged salads.  I know, not home made.  But, they were vey well received.

They had been deluged with casseroles and baked goods, and appreciated the ease of the bagged salads, and the fact that ice cream can just go into the freezer.  The ice cream sandwiches were a huge hit.

Oh, I also stuck in a bag of really great coffee which I ground just before I left the house.

I think these are all particularly good ideas. Thanks, Snow.

[scordelia]

Part of the problem with funeral food is that you are inundated at the funeral, but then the weeks go by and everyone forgets about you. I find that it is most appreciated not at the funeral or during that week, but perhaps a couple of weeks or even a month later. The surviving family knows that they are still in your thoughts.

[chow guy]

Part of the problem with funeral food is that you are inundated at the funeral, but then the weeks go by and everyone forgets about you. I find that it is most appreciated not at the funeral or during that week, but perhaps a couple of weeks or even a month later. The surviving family knows that they are still in your thoughts.

←

That is such wise advice. Several of my friends have lost their "significant others" and they've all reported feeling abandoned by many of their friends a week after the funeral, which is when they really need the support most. I think a lot of people don't know how to relate to a new "single" entity that is no longer "Betty and Bob " etc. We took one widower friend under wing. After his wife died we invited him for supper often .

[annanstee]

I definitely agree with the above. The hardest time of mourning is after the funeral, when everybody else goes back to business as usual.

I think soup that is freezable in one or two serving size containers, Salad and homemade salad dressings in jars, homemade mac and cheese for the kids, chopped salad with the dressing separate, fruit,

breakfast breads like croissants or brioches- anything that takes 5 mins or less to make.

Also, even though they may be inindated with cookies and pies and cake, remember that during this time they will likely get a LOT of people dropping in on them over the first few weeks, and anything to feed them should be welcome.

[jtphjl]

As a minister (whose passion is food) I have lots of experience in this arena ...and now going through the hospice stage for my Mom -- it really comes home.

When I visit with a family who are in the final days...I always bring something easy to access, cheese, quiche, foods that can be eaten at room temperature, can stand to be out, and if the ill person is within the scent of the food, odorless -- I've also been known to bring granolla bars, the family will be doing lots of errands, they provide protein and energy --

when doing a post death visit -- as other have already mentioned, casseroles etc find their way to the home, and also as menioned it is usually the 7-15 days later, when everyone has gone on their way with thir own life, that grief strikes and that is the time I like to bring comfort foods -- pot roast, brisket, soup in containers that can be eaten or frozen, rice pudding, turkey breast --

With my Mother, people have brought ice cream, and created ice cream parties with whipped cream, sprinkles, it is been spirit lifting and keeps people focussed on "enjoying these last days" instead of the uncomfortableness of the actual changes that happen to the body with terminal illnesses.

Until a few days ago -- breads were a special arrival -- because of all of the pain medication, bread helped keep the meds down -- and I whipped up fruit butters, light spreads -- brioche, french toast, etc...

[Jaymes]

That 'ice cream thing' is a great idea. You could show up with some cute parfait dishes, which the family could keep. I have a friend that's dealing with home care of a terminal relative. I am going to do this exact thing.

Thanks for taking the time to share.

[jtphjl]

Jason, you and this thread have been on my mind...how is it going?

Mom died last week, and I already told you about the ice cream -- aside from it being really fun, easy for Mom to consume, it has left us with great memories and neat dishes that will always be "Mom's"

As for funneral food, if I see one more ounce of turkey, chicken, pastrami or cornbeef ................................... and it was all welcome!

As a mourner, cut up fruit was great - not getting much sleep, and a house filled with people to mix & mingle with, it was a perfect way to keep up with nutrition (mellon and pineapple specifically, I will remember this for when I offer respects for others) as were nuts, someone brought an abundance of cashews, almonds and pecans .

Another nice offering was sparkling non alcoholic beverages - a co-worker brought from Trader Joes at least 8 fruit beverages (ie: Cherry cider) (Italian orange water) some sparkling, and several bottles of seltzer -- as much as part of me wanted gin, I really wanted to hear and "get" every story, every memory about Mom from the variety of people gathered...

A neighbor brought a basket of crumpets, tea cakes and assorted english muffins and a container of maple butter, a 1/2 pound of butter and a container of honey butter along with ground coffee and Prince Valdimar Russian Tea (my favorite and she knew that...) -- it made mornings a lot easier...

Peace Jason,

Jan