Stupid Recipes

[Catseye]

Somebody on one of my food-related mailing lists sent along a recipe for Cheerios Chicken.  You roll chicken breasts in crushed Honey Nut Cheerios.  Then you bake them.  And then you, uh ... eat them.  I guess.  :shocked:

Ye Gods.  That sounds worse even than those awful recipes with the word "Surprise" in the title.  

Do you ever run into recipes like this?  So ghastly that you either break into hysterical laughter or hang your head over the rail?

Cats

[mamster]

I have whole cookbooks of such recipes, especially a 60s-era Good Housekeeping cookbook which includes a recipe for "saucy nibbler".

[Wilfrid]

St Paul's Minnesota.  Dead of winter.  Walleye (some kind of white fish) with a sweet pecan crust.  I gather it's all the rage in those parts.  Disgusting.

[Andy Lynes]

Come on then, whats a saucy nibbler, apart from a quote from "Carry on Chef" (they never got around to making that one for some reason).

[SamanthaF]

Deep Fried Crispy Mars Bars - I kid you not!

Dip Mars Bars into a thick batter and deepfry for 4 minutes.

Can't say I've ever tried one. (Can't say I want to either!)

[Sandra Levine]

Quote: from Wilfrid on 4:56 pm on Jan. 14, 2002

Walleye (some kind of white fish)

It's pike, I believe.  I've had this dish in Ely, MN and I know what you're talking about.  It was the most bizarre sensation to chew something that had absolutely no taste, and not much texture, either.  In France, they use pike to make quenelles.  In Minnesota....

[HubUK]

I believe the deep fried Mars Bars are a delicacy found in Scottish Fish and Chip shops!!!

From time to time I wil publish some of thes wacky recipes if I think they will appeal to the kids:

Snickers Candy Bar Pie

Twix Holiday Yule Log

There are a lot of them out there!

[Niall]

I may be wrong, but if something can't be battered and deep fried, most glaswegians won't admit that it is food.

[mamster]

Ah, the delectable Saucy Nibbler.

Place 1, 2, or more 3-oz pkg. cream cheese, one atop the other, in a serving dish.  Pour on 2 or 3 tablesp. bottled steak sauce (Andy, feel free to substitute HP).  Let guests spread their own assorted crisp crackers.

On the same page:  Ham-Grape Pickups.  Can I please not describe this one?

This is really one of the most entertaining books I own.  You can randomly open it and come up with a howler, such as page 392 in the vegetables chapter:

THE INSTANT POTATO FAMILY

For some reason I can't remember covering that in my botany course.  Must have been sick that day.

[Brija]

For me, a recipe of a chocolate cake with salted peanuts in it sounded stupid enough. Chocolate and peanuts I can understand, but why must the peanuts be salted? Salted chocolate cake does not appeal to me, but I don't know, maybe the salt somehow disappears during the baking…    

[Wilfrid]

Quote: from Brija on 4:18 am on Jan. 22, 2002

For me, a recipe of a chocolate cake with salted peanuts in it sounded stupid enough. Chocolate and peanuts I can understand, but why must the peanuts be salted?

Don't be too hasty.  Reese's Pieces are a popular and not unpleasant confectionary item here in the States - fairly salty peanut butter coated in chocolate.  And this morning I ate a McVitie's chocolate biscuit for breakfast; essentially a lightly salted digestive biscuit, with a chocolate topping.  This combo can work.

[shugga]

My White Trash Cookbook has some really good ones in it.  They usually involve Coke or Jello!

[Shiva]

<A HREF="http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/index.html">The Gallery of Regrettable Food</A>

Gulp!  :o

[Andy Lynes]

Great link, very funny site.

[Brija]

Quote: from Wilfrid on 5:29 pm on Jan. 22, 2002

Don't be too hasty.  Reese's Pieces are a popular and not unpleasant confectionary item here in the States - fairly salty peanut butter coated in chocolate.  And this morning I ate a McVitie's chocolate biscuit for breakfast; essentially a lightly salted digestive biscuit, with a chocolate topping.  This combo can work.

Ok... Chocolate and peanut (butter) together are fine, but it's the salt that sounds so weird. I do not like the idea of combining something so salty and something so sweet, but perhaps I should give it a try!

[smithi]

Hey...just for fun, I tried a Cadbury's Egg fried in 'Fish and Chip' batter right here in NY....at A Salt and Battery.  I believe they also have fried Mars Bars.  Weird, but not as bad as I thought.  The batter doesn't tast like much against the strong flavor of the chocolate.  At the same time, the frying process melts what's inside...surprisingly good!  (so were the fish and chips).

[Becca]

Ok... Chocolate and peanut (butter) together are fine, but it's the salt that sounds so weird.

but, peanut butter is salty? and what about turtle sundaes!!!???

[muon]

Shiva -- thanks for the Lilek's link -- I was racking my brain trying to remember that URL. It had me howling a while back -- unfortunately no recipes, only pictures:

My two faves:

mmm -- steak

and -- I'm actually not sure what this is -- I'm guessing ham/lima bean casserole?

[gknl]

Planet Hollywood's Captain Crunch chicken strips weren't bad!

Also, walleyes are in the perch family, distinct from pikes. They're also known as walleyed-pikes in some areas though, so that's probably where the confusion lies. I've never eaten them, but they're supposed to be good, much superior than pike proper. I'm too lazy to look up all the science stuff on them.

Finally, almost every article and baking book I've read about chocolate talks about how a pinch of salt does wonders for bringing out the flavor of the chocolate.

[snowangel]

Also, walleyes are in the perch family, distinct from pikes.  They're also known as walleyed-pikes in some areas though, so that's probably where the confusion lies.  I've never eaten them, but they're supposed to be good, much superior than pike proper.  I'm too lazy to look up all the science stuff on them.

You would be correct. When we go fishing at our cabin (near International Falls, MN), we fillet them and I saute them in butter. If it's high summer, they are accompanied by sliced tomatos from the garden and a salad of greens, also from the garden; and sweet corn picked that morning. It is really very good.

I've lived in Minneapolis (across the Miss. River from St. Paul) for many years, and never have run across the dish mentioned by Wilfrid. Walleye has a delicate taste and texture and I can't imagine why one would choose to cover it up.

The worst I've ever come across was at a potluck -- shell macaroni with cubes of velveeta and canned peas (drained) glued together with Miracle Whip. As the afternoon wore on, this particular dish looked worse and worse and worse, and my vinegarette potato salad kept disappearing.

For truely awful recipes, look on the back of cereal, cracker, etc. boxes. Yikes. And, to think they probably paid someone to come up with these!

[Human Bean]

The worst I've ever come across was at a potluck -- shell macaroni with cubes of velveeta and canned peas (drained) glued together with Miracle Whip.

Ugh! Merely reading that nearly made me lose my lunch.

For truely awful recipes, look on the back of cereal, cracker, etc. boxes.  Yikes.  And, to think they probably paid someone to come up with these!

Reminds me of "Mock Apple Pie," a recipe featured for years on the Ritz Crackers box (may still be there; let's hope not though). Never made it, never wanted to; some kind of horrible concoction of crackers baked into a pie.

[LaurieA-B]

This is perhaps the most horrifying recipe that I've ever seen. It's the Tang that takes it to another level.

Bacon Snack Bars

[heyjude]

I would pay big bucks for whatever the creator of that mess was on, but Laurie, how could you forget Veg-All, Tater Tots, and Cream of Something Soup. Some odd combinations taste good or at least familiar. Yours and mine sound like something devised by Poison Control.

[nightscotsman]

I think there are actually two types of stupid recipes - the kind that just by reading the ingredients you know they will be heinous, and the kind that actually produces a very nice dish despite the odd ingredients and/or preperation. I'm actually a big fan of the latter. There's just something about the impossiblity of the end product that fascinates me. My favorites that I actually make are the classic "krazy kake" and pudding cake recipes. At the cocktail party HeyJude was describing a toffee recipe that uses salteen crackers as a base, and one that included wrapping crescent rolls around marshmallows. She swears they produce not only edible, but delicous treats, and I'm dying to try them.

By the way, if you enjoy these recipes, as well as really, really funny, laugh-out-loud food writing, I highly recommend tracking down a copy of "Caramel Knowledge" by Al Sicherman. Within it's pages you will find recipes for "Bostess Bupcakes", Peanut Butter Coffee, Herring in a Cloud, Wienie Zucchini, Cold Spam Mousse, Mockaguole, and "more food and culinary musings for the twisted mind". He claims to have cooked everything in the book and served it to real human beings - who liked the dishes. Half.com has the book available for just a few bucks: Caramel Knowledge

[snowangel]

I highly recommend tracking down a copy of "Caramel Knowledge" by Al Sicherman. Within it's pages you will find recipes for "Bostess Bupcakes", Peanut Butter Coffee, Herring in a Cloud, Wienie Zucchini, Cold Spam Mousse, Mockaguole, and "more food and culinary musings for the twisted mind". He claims to have cooked everything in the book and served it to real human beings - who liked the dishes.

If you like Al Sicherman's style and ideas, go to www.startribune.com every Thursday morning, and click on taste section and look for "tidbits" column. He also has a column in the paper on Mondays (usually not food-related).

Here in the Twin Cities, we love Al Sicherman, a Minneapolis guy. He's had some really hard personal knocks, but has always bounced back with a sense of humor.