61 replies to this topic

[maggiethecat]

Post your limericks on this thread, please.

[reesek]

my husband awoke with the grippe
with red eyes and nose poised to drip
to cure him of croup,
i'll make him some soup
chicken noodle will fix him up quick

Edited by reesek, 24 September 2006 - 01:19 PM.

[Carrot Top]

There was an old codger from Bruges,
Whom no female had ever refused.
Chimay, mussels and fries
Then framboise on her thighs,
Left all parties highly enthused.

[Pan]

There once was a man from Peru
Who made a soufflee out of glue
And try as he might
He just couldn't quite
Relieve his poor mouth of that goo!

I knew a young man from Shanghai
Who never could bake a good pie
Pine needles and cones
Duck feathers and bones
The filling could make a man die!

[Pat Churchill]

A chef by the name of John Reid
Was entranced by the thought of sous vide
So he slow braised some snails
Then chopped off their tails
And served them with pea foam and mead

Meanwhile back in culinary school
The students were playing the fool
With the liquid N2
And a pound of wagyu
They made something terribly cool

[Simon_S]

My attempt to tie together recent culinary news from Illinois.

A diner in Sweet Home Chicago
sat wondering "Where'd the foie gras go?"
His face turned quite dour
When Alderman Moore
Defended his recent embargo.

Displeased with this clumsy approach
Which he felt would surely encroach
On his civil right
He took some delight
In eating a live Six Flags roach.

Si

Edited by Simon_S, 26 September 2006 - 03:56 AM.

[ludja]

How do I cook a red mullet?
I think I’ll just look on eGullet!
My search went astray
browsing New Threads Today,
My new dish is tender young pullet.

[Pan]

A woman I know in Nantucket
Found an oyster so big she can't shuck it
Its liqueur she prized
But she soon realized
That she might as well put down the bucket

[moosnsqrl]

A diner in Sweet Home Chicago
sat wondering "Where'd the foie gras go?"
His face turned quite dour
When Alderman Moore
Defended his recent embargo.

Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding - we have a winner! That is pure genius.

[sazji]

Ummmm...there are two that I wrote in a "limerick storm" with a friend last year. And just realized they did involve food. :) The first is only marginally offensive:

There was a young wino from Muş
Who preferred to get drunk through his toosh.
He’d get himself loose
With a fifth of chartreuse
And end up with with a creme de menthe douche.


The second is part of a five-part series about goings-on at a monastery. If this don't get me banned from eGullet, I don't know what will! But they are limericks after all....






You have been warned






Really.







You can still decide not to read this.







Oh, okay.







The Abbot, a crusty old sod,
liked to slop mayonnaise on his rod.
Then a monk from Siam
would add bits of old Spam,
and suck till the Abbot saw God.

[Carrot Top]

...........................

There once was a poulterer from France
Who wore goose feathers rather than pants
Each morning he woke
And as the dawn broke
He engaged all his geese in a dance.

His concept was "Poulet Heureux"
(Gastronomic confreres: furieux!)
But his roasts were so succulent
They brought all un-buckle-ment
"Delicious!" they cried, curieux.

One chill morn he suffered priapsis
While roasting a fat goose while capless
His feathers they crisped
No more joyous bliss!
Tout fini! Est son nom est "hapless".

...............................................................
(With apologies to the French language )

[moosnsqrl]

Our cats demand petting, those two
So we call them Kobe and Wagyu
When they're fattened and tender
We think they will render
A gourmet, upscale feline stew.

[Carrot Top]

There once was a florist from Rye
Who had dropped so much food on his tie
That when asked for a rose
He'd place tie to his nose
And shout "Wouldn't you rather have pie?"

[Carrot Top]

There was a young lad from Peru
Who adored home-made guinea pig stew
So he worked in a pet store
Where he always could get more
And enjoyed every last little chew.

[Simon_S]

This Paddy’s learned much from eGullet:
Like “What’s rouget?” Oh, simply red mullet!
As an offer of thanks
Here’s a class for the Yanks
About Guinness and how you should pull it.

There’s a rule that you must take to heart:
Tilt the glass, pour the draught, but leave part.
Please don’t finish the fill
Till all’s settled and still,
That’s the secret behind the “black art”.

Si

[racheld]

Simply perfect.

[Simon_S]

I didn't realise ludja got there first with the gullet/red mullet/pullet rhyme. Apologies for that! I was frantically trying to think of some way to get bullet in there, but I pulled a blank. So to speak.

Si

[ludja]

I didn't realise ludja got there first with the gullet/red mullet/pullet rhyme. Apologies for that! I was frantically trying to think of some way to get bullet in there, but I pulled a blank. So to speak.

Si

Hey, your limerick is great!

[moosnsqrl]

I think we need a separate "master class" for these Irish blokes - they are genetically predisposed and the rest of us simply cannot compete with them. Or perhaps a handicapping system? Maggie?

[MsSumida]

You can't get me to Las Vegas no way
The restaurants are just play
So I search high and low
And wouldn’t you know
I find a place with Bobby Flay



I must of had to much wine before this...it's awful! LOL

Edited by MsSumida, 15 October 2006 - 05:48 AM.

[tomweir]

There once was a sommelier named steven
who's nostrils were terribly uneven
one was large, filled with bumps
hills, hollows and lumps
the other, you just wouldn't believe in...



I made this up in school...this is em...cleaned up...

[maggiethecat]

I think we need a separate "master class" for these Irish blokes - they are genetically predisposed and the rest of us simply cannot compete with them.  Or perhaps a handicapping system?  Maggie?

No can do, Love. Just because it appears that the Irish are over-endowed with wit and charm and the gift of the gab can't lead us down the road of National Sterotyping.

[munchymom]

There was a boy from Carolina
Who thought that there was nothing finah
Than to eat ice cream cones
And fried meat with no bones
Till he shrieked like a badly trained mynah.


There is a website called eGullet
That knows how to keep readers full - it
Gives every great cook marks,
That's why in my bookmarks
It's still #1, with a bullet.

[Simon_S]

the Irish are over-endowed

Words you don't see every day...

Si

[ruthcooks]

Tavern Romance

There once was a wench--ah so fetching
Whose cooking sent strong men a-retching
“I’d chuck the whole thing
But I first need a ring
Then the lads can go elsewhere for leching.”

A stranger stopped by in a blizzard
And bragged he was really a wizard
He conjured a cake
A flask and a hake
Some soup and a cock with its gizzard.

“You’re hired!” cried the lass to Houdini,
“But first, we must toast a martini,
For you I shall wed
And after,” she said,
“You’ll cook and I’ll raise the bambini.”

[Daniel]

1)There once was a man from Peru
He loved to Barbecue
He'd eat fist fulls of pork
Not stopping to fork
His heart quickly turned to goo



2)I was trying to cook one day
practicing like Bobby Flay
With some South West spice
I made it taste nice
My shirt wasnt as tight or gay.

3)There was an abusive chef name Gordon
who all the fame he was hordin
he would rule Hells Kitchen
and always be bitchin
Not like a chef, but a warden

Edited by Daniel, 17 October 2006 - 11:55 AM.

[Carrot Top]

You guys are really good.

...................................................................

There once was a man from Hong Kong
Whose plum strudel was wider than long
But when one took a bite
He showed such delight
That one felt Other Strudels were Wrong.

[cinghiale]

Today's FoodTV personalities,
Dispense oh such bland generalities.
On Mario they soured,
What's wrong with Scripps Howard?
'Nuff said that their star shills for Applebee's.

[Carrot Top]

Dere once was dis chick from Manhatton
Whose diet was solely fried grattons
Till one day dis guy
Looked her straight in de eye
And said "Dahlink, you look like George Patton".

[ludja]

The sommelier stuck the cork up his nose
to discern hints of pepper or rose.
He poured for my taste,
but I was in no haste
to sip wine after viewing his pose.

Edited by ludja, 20 October 2006 - 10:17 AM.