47 replies to this topic

[maggiethecat]

Please post your "Name Game" entries here!

[jhlurie]

Good lord, this is harder than I thought. I had to mangle the english language pretty badly and cheat left and right. Feh. I'm only posting it to get the topic going.


As the sun set, rosie behind the Hollywood Hills, it was just another of those "Jonathan" days... where everything panned out really nicely for Jon, and he didn't feel like some blue hero needing to dodge 621 different threats to his life. Then again, he mused, Basil, dog that he was, hadn't come through yet with the "bux" he needed, and if he didn't have the cash by tonight, "Scotsman", the Scottish loanshark, would probably send some big bear of an enforcer to make girl chow out of the tissue of his face!

Here he was, just an ordinary fat guy, finishing up some of those all-natural hormone free "macro" sandwiches they served in this idiotic California health food restaurant--eating with Eddie, Maggie, the cat she was jazzed on lately, and a few others--when some little varmint runs over to the table like she's part of the NY Fire Patrol!

"Chef", he yelled into the kitchen, "is this Dave, the Cook's kid?" The chef didn't answer, and neither did Mark, Sommelier of this crappy joint.

The kid, making a nuisance of of herself, spilled the beans and said... "my name is Anna n' my daddy is going to kill you!" Jon knew at that point that this wasn't just malarkey, that the presence of the huge man walking up behind the girl, as hard as stone, meant that the damned Scotsman, who advertised hits with elegant simplicity, had hung up a sign somewhere that set a limit on his lifetime: Jon=Mark.

Edited by jhlurie, 06 September 2003 - 12:44 PM.

[Suzanne F]

I say we declare jhlurie the winner and move on.

[maggiethecat]

The temptation is great, Suzanne, but I know some folks here who could give even Jon a run for his money.

Like you. (I'm a Suzanne Fan.)

[tanabutler]

"What kind of fish is this?" John asked.

"It's whiting, John. Whiting," answered Jim.

"It's good. Not too wimpy," John commented.

"Thank you. I give credit to the nonstick pan. What a joy are modern gadgets. You told me you went fishing last month, John. Where was that again?"

"Florida, Jim. I went with that New York Texan and oh, Lord, Michael Lewis. You know Lewis, right? He tried to get away again without paying for his share of the trip. He thinks I'm rich or something. He's always whining, 'You're the one with the bux!' and I think it's a load of malarkey. This is excellent pasta, by the way—perfectly al dente. My compliments to the chef."

"That's really nice of you to say. That would be my wife, Susan—she's so fast in the kitchen we call Suzi Lightning. The woman can do anything with food! She's snowangel, but I think I'll keep her," quipped the tan, 319-pounder. "Honey?" he called out. "Are you still cooped up in the kitchen? Come on out!"

The kitchen door swung open and a rosie-faced woman entered the room, a large magnolia adorning her curls. She kissed her husband on the cheek and set on the table a tray filled with food.

"My God, woman! You've outdone yourself," exclaimed John, whose eyes widened as he took in the platter before him. "Goodness, is that basil, girl? I love the stuff!"

As John loaded his plate, Jim entreated his wife, "Come here, my little dumpling. Did the children get to sleep?"

"Yes, but the bad things were quite naughty, Jim. I'm afraid you're going to have to rail Paul for his behavior. Either that or we get the boy into a special ed class. I simply can't abide the way he and his brother carry on! Do you know he did tonight?"

"No, dearest. What would that be?"

"He stood on the roof and screamed, 'I can PCircles around you any time!' "

"Well, the boys do share a special bond, girl. Boys will be boys."

Jim interjected, "I thought you told me they were all-American outdoor lovers. Sounded quite healthy to me."

"Only if you call throwing a stone at a bird 'outdoor loving,' " sighed John. "All I can say is that 'sparrow/grass' is a conjunction of bird and turf that is fatal."

John startled. "Jim? What IS this, anyway?" he asked, looking curiously at the tiny wing skewered on the tines of his fork.

[PaulaJK]

LOL...just fabulous!

[tanabutler]

Whooooooooooops. I got my Johns and Jims confused.

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea DOH!

Edited by tanabutler, 08 September 2003 - 06:41 PM.

[Fat Guy]

"I'm Dr. vmilor, how is your porkpa today?" he asks.

"ctgm, mjc, gknl," she replies.

"Bless you!"

"skchai! tjaehnigen!" she replies, with increasing melkor.

"I better loosen your bloviatrix and check your wawairis," he says.

And with that, he tucks his anil torakris under his vogelap, and aliwaks away.

[tanabutler]

I want some of what you're drinking, duuuuude.

[maggiethecat]

That would be my wife, Susan—she's so fast in the kitchen we call Suzi Lightning. The woman can do anything with food! She's snowangel, but I think I'll keep her,"

I lost it right here.

Thank you.

[maggiethecat]

Oh, c'mon, Peeps! Write!

This is really fun. Extra points to the entry that includes bloviatrix.

[Chad]

After the 2001 Florida ballot troubles, I'm surprised no one has used my name yet.

"Will the profligate 'swinging chad' ever do right by the lovelorn 'pregnant chad?' Tune in next week to find out."

Chad
(neither swinging nor pregnant)

[bloviatrix]

I would like to point out that bloviatrix is the feminized version of a real word.

A bloviator is one who speaks or writes verbosely and windily. You can also use bloviate, which is the verb. Frank Rich, of The New York Times, has been trying to reintroduce the word into everyday vocabulary.

[maggiethecat]

Thanks, bloviatrix, though I would describe you as neither windy or verbose. Great new word for me; ten times and it's mine.

And Chad, as it happens, I did try to work your name into my example, but given the SoCal setting, I thought I'd give someone else the chance to use it! I tried not to snatch up all the Good Ones.

OK: Extra points to someone who uses chad and bloviatrix in some incomparably witty way in the same sentence. Bloviate away!

[jhlurie]

Given how slow submissions are, I fully cede the right to reuse anything I've already used. Build something nicer on my sweat! I refuse to get third place merely by default. I want sixth place. Tenth!

Edited by jhlurie, 12 September 2003 - 01:44 PM.

[maggiethecat]

I refuse to get third place merely by default.  I want sixth place.  Tenth!

Ahhh. What a good guy. Let's give Jon his dearest wish!

[lamb]

I printed out a member list and and fully intended ALL WEEK to write something. Something nasty called work kept getting in the way.
There's always next week.

[maggiethecat]

I  Something nasty called work kept getting in the way.

My lamb, get your priorities straight!

Duh. Printing out the members list! Why didn't I think of that?

[Fat Guy]

I would like to point out that I did use bloviatrix in my entry.

[maggiethecat]

I would like to point out that I did use bloviatrix in my entry.

(Hang head. Um...I read fast and retain little!)

I'm going to extend this competition because I'm so damn enamored of the topic, and I've laughed so hard at the entries that you Clever Boots have posted. Let's make it midnight, Friday September 19th.

I vant more entries. ( One from the Comrade... that would be sweet!)

Willie or won't he?

Edited by maggiethecat, 14 September 2003 - 11:57 AM.

[tanabutler]

There really isn't a problem re-using names, is there? I started my "story" as soon as I read the topic, but it took a while to assemble. By then, "malarkey" had already been used, but I didn't want to change stuff.

[Fat Guy]

Using only the names of the thread starters from active topics as of 2:18 pm, IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE . . .

+++

Dear eGCI Team:

"schneich" is Bill Klapp's new brand of precooked al dente pasta products, produced in Germany by Bloviatrix sabg.

hjshorter and food dwarf are competing for the smallest-user award, while charcoop has been named Overlordofpastry.

Eric_Malson has uncovered a stash of Chris Cognac. Talk about babyluck! At the same time, Jason Perlow complains that the Chris Cognac isn't even enough for his twodogs let alone Schielke.

Michael Laiskonis has calculated that the gsquared of the robert40 will yield just enough boiling oil to cook-em-all.

Meanwhile, maggiethecat hosts a Q&A with Australian porn legend donk79. Which just goes to show you, you can't get bloviatrix from a stone.

-Fat Guy

[maggiethecat]

Steven you and MatthewB such Smart Alex!

BTW, are you still on Atkins? No?

I thought 'cha d it down! Avoid carbs or your weight loss will blo, via trix and Chex!

Edited by maggiethecat, 14 September 2003 - 02:45 PM.

[maggiethecat]

There really isn't a problem re-using names, is there? I started my "story" as soon as I read the topic, but it took a while to assemble. By then, "malarkey" had already been used, but I didn't want to change stuff.

None at all! Take anyone's name in vain as often and in any way you wish.

[Pan]

Meanwhile, maggiethecat hosts a Q&A with Australian porn legend donk79. Which just goes to show you, you can't get bloviatrix from a stone.

-Fat Guy

[Chris Cognac]

Ok...I get this game, what a blast...how can I look up the names or do I have to be around long enough to remember them?

Bye the way...Cognac is my actual name...People always think its a pen name! I sure wish I was somehow related to the whole "Cognac" thing in France...and besides Brandy, there is a style of shoes called "Chris Cognac".....I found that out while doing a name search on myself on the net to see what comes up.

[maggiethecat]

Ok...I get this game, what a blast...how can I look up the names or do I have to be around long enough to remember them? 

Chris Cognac, what a great name! It makes you sound like the dark-eyed, smouldering type.


To get a long list of member names, click on the Members section on the blue bar at the top of the page, two across from Today's Active Topics. But it would actually be more fun just to read through the forums and pick and choose from names being used currently.

And tell us a story!

[Chris Cognac]

[quote name='maggiethecat' date='Sep 14 2003, 02:52 PM'] [
[/QUOTE]
Chris Cognac, what a great name! It makes you sound like the dark-eyed, smouldering type.


[/quote]
Thanks, except I am the fat, balding, sweating type!....But my wife still loves me so that makes it all ok!

[KatieLoeb]

Chris Cognac, what a great name! It makes you sound like the dark-eyed, smouldering type.

Definitely the seeming cad and later revealed to be the dashing hero of some heaving bosom Harlequin romance! Although that would probably be, Christophe Cognac, Marquis de Something-or-other.

[Marlene]

It was a dark and stormy night. I picked listlessly at my Black Angus steak, not quite al dente fettuccine, and sighed. I was bored. There was just no other word for it. Cooking had lost its luster for me. No one appreciated agoodcook these days. Especially not the varmints in my family. I needed a new diversion.

“Ahem”. I turned, startled at the noise. It was the Dark Lady, Maggiethecat, with her familiar, Pouncy, at her side. “I have heard your plea and I have just the thing for you”.

I stared at her. Knowing the Dark Lady, I knew I wasn’t going to like whatever she had up her sleeve. Oh this is really nice!, I thought to myself. Just what I need. More of Maggie’s half baked capers. However, I minded my manners and offered her a drink. “GotChiani?” She rasped, as she draped herself over my sofa. “I’d rather give you a six-pack-to-go” I muttered to myself, as I poured her wine. Pouncy stared at me with unblinking catseyes as I seated myself opposite the crazy one. S’kat I hissed at the cat as I handed Maggie her wine. The cat blinked, and did not move.
“Ah, ambrosia” she declaimed as she sipped.

“Our Fearless leader, Fat Guy has decreed another contest” she declared breathlessly, her bosom heaving enthusiastically. She stared at me expectantly, no doubt waiting for my swoon of delight. “So?” I snapped. “Let me clarify” Maggie began. “Clarifythis” I returned, making the appropriate gesture, turning to watch the Ironchef on TV.

“Don’t be such a nervousnelli”, the Dark Lady commanded me. Besides, she whined, changing tactics, I need your help. You’re Canadian-eh, and we Canucks have got to stick together. Whosrbud anyway? Besides, I have it on very good authority that jhurlie's entering this contest and he swears he’ll aniliate anyone who enters. And you know what a deviousdude he can be.

The news that John was entering made me pause. Well, well, I mused. It certainly is a smallworld. I recalled our last encounter and grimaced. I had not done well. In fact, I had seriously sucked, although I still considered him a flash in the pan.

“Why Maggie, why?” I pleaded. “How do you get mixed up in these things anyway?” “Well, it ain’t easy being cheesy and all that JAZ, you know. I have my public to think of after all” she shrugged. “Here’s food4thought. A couple of paragraphs, a few names, and thereuare!”

“Ok, ok” I surrendered. “It takes 22tango and John and I haven’t done our Danceswithpossums for a long time. I hope he’s ready for this”. Actually I hoped I was ready for this. I always, always regretted agreeing to anything the Dark Lady got me into.

Maggiethecat purred contentedly. She hadn’t even had to resort to her famous quivering lower lip to get Marlene to cave in. “Creampuff” she thought. She swept the room with a glance as she rose majestically to her feet. The Dark Lady contemptuously looked at my half eaten dinner. “You know, you eat2much. I’ll just take the rest of that for my finicky friend here and relieve you of the burden of eating it. Let your family know you won’t have time to cook for them my dear. Send out for some pastromionrye for them and get thee to thy typewriter”. With that parting shot, she swept grandly out of the room, plucking a biscotti off the table as she went by.

I sighed. Once again, I’d been snookered by the Literacy Lady. “Smoothmove Mags,” I thought as I settled down a my computer. Ok, John, time to dance. Slowly, I began to type…