34 replies to this topic

[Fat Guy]

What is it with some people, they can spend decades living on this planet preparing meals every day but they still can't perform basic cooking arithmetic. If dinner is scheduled to be served at time X, and the oven needs to preheat for Y minutes, and the food needs to cook for Z minutes, then you need to turn on the oven Y+Z minutes before time X. Am I the only person annoyed by this issue?

[sigma]

Am I the only person annoyed by this issue?

Probably.

[ChrisTaylor]

Er, maybe. I mean, life can get in the way, even tho' preheating an oven takes 2 seconds worth of effort. If I arrive at someone's house expecting dinner to be served at, I don't know, 7PM but it doesn't land on the table until closer to 8PM, I'm not overly concerned by this. I'm assuming you're referencing a specific incident or maybe a person who does this all the goddamn time, tho'.

[Margaret Pilgrim]

I think that some people "get" entertaining and others really don't. There is a, no, there has to be a planned flow from arrival, drinks and pre-dinner socializing to a controlled progression of plates. Until one can handle this, one should serve courses that can be finished before guests arrive.

[nibor]

Am I the only person annoyed by this issue?

No, you are not. We have a friend who will invite us for dinner at 7 and invariably still be struggling to get it on the table after 9, by which time we are hungry & grumpy and would rather be home. Now when she invites us over we suggest going out.

[Jenni]

Just because someone prepares meals everyday, doesn't mean they are used to working with a time limit. And anyway, there are all sorts of things that can happen to cause things to become delayed - maybe chopping up and other prep takes longer than expected, part of a dish may go wrong and need to be redone, etc. It's also easy to forget things when you are feeling hassled. In this case the oven thing does seem a bit stupid, but mistakes happen, even stupid ones. My Dad has on occasion forgot to turn the oven on quite enough in advance for cooking, and on another occasion he made a mis-calculation with regards to the cooking time for a joint of meat. We just shrugged it off and poured more wine!

If someone is cooking food professionally, then yes they need to get their act together and be able to serve meals on time. But I'm assuming you are talking about a friend/family member/acquaintance who was hosting some kind of meal that you were invited to. In which case, maybe you just need to learn to be a bit patient. Not everyone is a cooking pro, and if someone has invited you over for a meal it's usually considered good manners to not complain too much! Of course, if this person is consistently late serving food, then it's time for you to make a decision whether you want to continue to attend meals hosted by this person, since the lateness bothers you so much. But a first offense? Let it go. Maybe next time ask if there's anything you can do to help. Or if it's a really good friend who would be open to that kind of thing, maybe you can offer some constructive advice on how to avoid the same problem again.

Life is short, and it's not worth getting wound up over the little things. Next time a meal is delayed, enjoy the extra time for talking and another round of drinks!

[Shalmanese]

Offer to bring some cocktail snacks, maybe something like spiced nuts or cheese straws. That way, you can start nibbling immediately when you get there and the timing of the actual dinner becomes less important.

[ChrisTaylor]

Altho' it's also a nice touch, I think, if you're the host and all, to have some charcuterie or pickles or snacks of some description, that way if other people are late/some last minute task becomes a last-30-minute task, then it's not such a big deal. Altho' that, like the capacity to plan ahead, accounting for the time it takes to preheat the oven, plate dishes, etc is something you learn from experience.

Edited by ChrisTaylor, 10 June 2012 - 11:40 PM.

[Mjx]

. . . . Am I the only person annoyed by this issue?

Nope.

But I'm seldom invited to dinners where a set time is given, and standard practice here is to begin much (or even all) prep. when the guests arrive; more often than not, it's a participatory thing.

On the few occasions that dinner was slated for, say, 20.00, but the charred ruins weren't offered up until close to 23.00, I've simply hoovered up the host's booze (began drinking very late, so I tend to consume things like G&Ts like a toddler drinking lemonade on a hot day, and the effect of alcohol is pleasingly rapid), after which my irritation melted, and I sat there, beaming happily at the profanity issuing form the kitchen.

[Carlovski]

People in general are terrible at estimating time and effort - they estimate based on what they would like to happen rather than what is likely.
Also, don't do like I did last weekend and invite people round, relying on an internet shopping order arriving a couple of hours before. It didn't arrive until about half an hour after I was suppose to be serving!
But on the flip side, I think people do need to relax a little. Unless you have another pressing engagement or issues controlling your blood sugar then waiting a while for dinner shouldn't be the end of the world - an hour or even two without food isn't going to kill you. Or are we all too used to having food right now, whenever we want it?

[JeanneCake]

Sometimes I think it is because the host is trying a new recipe they've never made before.

This concept (not to hijack the thread) I've never understood; why try to make something you've never attempted before - for company! Test it first! Then you'll know what to do and not have to order a pizza when it goes wrong. Now I've learned to have a snack before I go over there so I'm not ravenous when dinner is delayed....

[Beth Wilson]

I have a friend who's in-laws are famous for late dinners. Her solution was to bring appetizers that were more substantial than cheese & crackers and they usually planned a late lunch before heading over.

It made for a less grumpy night and the family looked forward to her arrival. You just learn to deal with it.

[Panaderia Canadiense]

Delayed meals at dinner parties are a fact of life. Get over it! Unless the do is hosted by a professional (for example, I don't think that what you're describing is ever a problem for ScottyBoy), meals served at Q instead of Z (to use your variables) will almost always occur.

I'm with mjx, actually - most dinner parties here, the host/ess doesn't even start prepping until the guests are there, and it's a collaborative thing to produce the food. I have had some of the best meals of my life in these loosely-planned / relaxed atmospheres, when I removed the stick from my butt and just went with the flow. I'm as notorious for it as other people. I can get baking done on time, no problems, but with salt cookery I might hope for 6 pm and serve at 7. However, since I'm aware that if I think it's X it's actually Y, I'll tell guests Y when they ask.

What annoys me more, are guests who say "we'll be there at 7" and who don't show up until 10, when the meal has truly gone off the rails and is a complete wreck.

[SylviaLovegren]

I have a friend and a mother-in-law who could not time their way out of a paper bag. We know to eat well before going over and bring snacks because food that should have been ready at 7 is not even started until 9. The MIL is a really good cook on some things -- her Greek stifados, spanakopita, avgolemono, etc. are truly delicious. But after 40 years of cooking for a family she will still start cooking the broccoli before she even peels the potatoes. Then she'll realize that the main course is a leg of lamb roast that takes 2 hours and oops she meant to marinate it first....

My friend once invited me to come over for lunch which was just going to be simple sandwiches and some fruit. She started working on it at 12:30 and didn't manage to get the tuna sandwiches on the table until about 4. While preparing the sandwiches she had managed to rearrange her cabinets, clean out her fridge, get her son's school project in order and do some weeding. She didn't mean to do all those other things while "making lunch", she just did. Now when I go to her house for a meal I eat first...

Some people just aren't good at timing things or prioritizing and "punishing" them for it isn't going to help. They won't "learn." You just have to roll with the punches and deal with it, one way or another.

[Fat Guy]

I have a layer of body fat I can draw upon during lengthy meal delays. But a lot of people, especially children, don't. There's also the question of paying the babysitter.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using Tapatalk 2

[Margaret Pilgrim]

Don't know if its my locale (San Francisco) or group of friends, but food is taken rather seriously, as is a dinner invitation. We're not talking casual, flip-flop and shorts backyard barbeques. Arriving "socially late" is no longer done nor is plying one's guests with booze while sorting out the meal prep. I can't remember being held captive waiting more than a half hour for dinner in modern times.

Sometimes a course will take more kitchen time than others and guests will wait maybe 10 minutes at table, but with conversation and wine that is not a problem and is sometimes necessary in cases of something like a dessert souffle or such.

[Beebs]

Sh*t happens.

We had a dinner party last night. Dinner was planned to be on the table at 630pm but didn't make it there till 715 or so. When you're busy opening the door for guest, answering the phone, pouring drinks, getting ice from the freezer, passing out the nibbles, finding extra water glasses, slicing up the bread, chatting & being social with your guests, waiting for the one late couple, dealing with a cooking mishap and being generally slow because I sliced open my hand - sometimes the meal gets held up. That's just the way things roll.

Which is why I have piles of nibbles, snacks & drinks out to stall for time, because inevitably, I'll need that extra cushion when the sh*t happens.

[KaffeeKlatsch]

My stepmother is a notoriously slow and bad cook who takes great offense at the slightest hint she's slow or her food is bland. She doesn't use any salt or any heat. I would venture to say any any flavor. We'd be invited over for 6 and rarely eat before 10. Now that there are grandchildren in the family, we can usually get something by 7-7:30 for the kids, but the grown ups are still waiting until at least 9. She also refuses any help and rarely allows us to bring a dish. We've all learned to stop and eat on the way to their house.

[sigma]

Having people over is about hospitality and generosity, not showcasing food talent. Sure, timing issues can be a drag, but the best is to make sure you have the best possible time and enjoy your friends to the fullest, even if that means imperfect food or timing.

[JeanneCake]

I don't mind if the invitation is for 7, meaning we'll be sitting down to the table by about 8-8:15 or so. That's not what I would consider a delay but for my mother, who is managing diabetes, she needs to eat at specific intervals so that would mean she'll take a snack or plan to eat something accordingly.

I think there's an "invitation to dinner" where there's a more formal expectation of when you'd be eating, and a "come on over around 7 and we'll do something for dinner" which is way more casual and prone to the whims of the distracted cook syndrome.

[Heartsurgeon]

_{I always eat before going to the home of a "habitually late" cook. That way, it doesn't matter when the meal comes out!!
Be happy, not hungry!!}

[Anna N]

......

I think there's an "invitation to dinner" where there's a more formal expectation of when you'd be eating, and a "come on over around 7 and we'll do something for dinner" which is way more casual and prone to the whims of the distracted cook syndrome.

Thank you! That is what I was trying to say but couldn't quite get out.

[heidih]

I had an ex mother in law that was always super slow with the food. Yes I had a small child but he was easy -that was not the issue. It was just irritating to go over and then everyone is looking at each other, probably hoping to have allotted just 2 hours for this ordeal and realizing it would be much longer. She was a sweet woman and I tried to help but if she did not have the stuff prepped or even know the next step it was hard to help. We changed our expectations and kept the acceptances to a minimum and did the best we could to bring something or help.

[janeer]

The same person I mentioned on the late arrival topic you started cannot get a meal together. She does one thing at a time. Nothing seems to be in progress when people arrive. She wonders at how I get everything, hot and finished simultaneously, on the table at once. It is painful to eat at her house. But I go because I love her. We each have our strengths. She sets a beautiful table!

[Emily_R]

I've been to many friends houses where they'll invite me over for dinner at 7, and not only is dinner not made / not even close to being ready, but there are no snacks / appetizers to tide people over. Even for a casual invite that seems like bad manners to me. GRRRR. Drives me crazy.

[abooja]

I am a repeat offender. My only saving grace is that most guests are ultimately impressed with the quality, if not sheer quantity, of the food I serve them. For years, my family has insisted that they would prefer I spend time with them, sitting and chatting, rather than endlessly whirling about the kitchen. One sister-in-law often jokes that, "next time", we order pizzas.

Two days ago, my side of the family visited our new home for the first time in the year since we moved here. While I could not bring myself to serve middling pizza from Vito's a couple of miles away, I did scale back and serve homemade pizza. By the time our guests arrived, the pizzas would already be made -- baked and everything, since I didn't want the oven still blasting at 500 degrees while they were here, especially on 85+ degree day. Dessert, an elaborate ice cream cake and some chocolate glazed shortbread cookies, was prepared the previous day. There would be some nosh material. I had already blanched the green beans for one of two salads, and intended to prep the rest of the salad ingredients before they arrived.

That's where things went array. Despite the fact that my family showed up nearly an hour late (they are my family, after all), I still managed to be late with the meal. I had to first participate in the house tour, show my father where he would be sleeping (our bedroom on the first floor), describe each plant in my vegetable garden, then I would set about finishing off the salads while they waited. By that time, more than an hour had passed, and my once-perfect pizzas were starting to over-brown during the reheat. A simple green salad was less than spectacular because I had to rush through the vinaigrette mixing while my sister-in-law watched. (I loathe cooking while talking to anyone other than myself.) What should have been an easy-breezy meal turned into the usual clock-watching stressfest. I simply cannot win.

Thank god for dessert.

[Katie Meadow]

My solution to dinner parties where more than one or two close friends/relatives are invited is to make dishes that can be prepped way ahead. A fancy lasagne, like an artichoke lasagne or a meat lasagne can easily be oven-ready a couple of hours ahead. So can a stew or braise which benefits from sitting in the juices at room temp. Coq au Vin is one of the most appreciated meals that can be cooked way ahead, except for the rice it gets served on, and that's easy to time. Same goes for dessert: pies baked ahead, things that can be chilled in individual servings or things served with fruit sauces, since those can be made ahead. Or something that gets unmolded at the last minute but can made way ahead; usually a crowd pleaser and gets points for visual appeal. Chilled fruit poached in wine with home-made cookies is always a winner.

Even pizza can be prepped mostly ahead: toppings cooked or chopped as necessary, dough made several hours before; it does take some fancy footwork in the kitchen at the last moment to turn out several pizzas for a crowd, but at least you can spend cocktail hour with your friends first; I agree with the poster above though, that if it's really warm indoors and you can't bake the pizzas outdours, best to have another option. I guess the most important thing for me when having people over for dinner is to make something that doesn't frazzle me in any way. If I am cooking something that needs to be done last minute or during cocktails, typically somebody will find me and keep me company while I do it. Although I really don't want help with the actual cooking, it's nice when a guest volunteers to pour water or carry out soup plates. I'm always touched when young people volunteer to help and I try to find something for them to do. My husband has gotten it into his head that his job is to entertain the guests rather than help, and he would continue to chat in the living room even if black smoke was pouring from the kitchen. That's why pizza isn't a bad option in our household, because he is the dough guy and peel expert and HAS to be in the kitchen.

I appreciate the impulse of people with a bad sense of time to entertain or reciprocate your last invite, or who get unbalanced by putting a big meal on the table but still want to do it. They may not realize that this creates an awkward evening for some of the guests. I have many friends who never reciprocate and I am totally fine with that. For some people it's just too hard or they really don't like to cook. I think it's important to reassure those friends that you like doing it yourself and they should just keep on coming over and bring a nice bottle of wine. People who feel it is their duty to return an invitation are the most likely to be a mess over it.

[auds]

Huh. I always plan on serving the meal at least a half hour after the guests arrive--usually more like 45 mins or an hour because I have late friends. I put out snacky stuff but I thought people like having a drink and a chat before the meal at a dinner party? I am a late eater by nature, but I specifically invite people to arrive a half hour before the normal person dinner hour. I think I would find it weird if I went to someone's house and they had me sit down at the table before I'd even had a cocktail and said hi to everyone. Maybe I'm being rude? I hope not...

[Emily_R]

Auds -- I think what you're describing is not what's frustrating people here... It is true (at least in my opinion) that good hosting usually involves a little chatting / drinking / snacking before the meal itself. But I think what some of us here are complaining about is when someone invites us over for normal person dinner hour, and then upon arrival none of the food is ready -- as in, even the basic components of the meal have not been prepped, etc... And in my particular gripe, no snacks to be had either!

[Kouign Aman]

I'm thinking that if a person cant get a meal ready in a reasonable time, they also dont think of snacks. Plus, who wants their guests to fill up before the meal?
I have a family member who suffers from both sides of the issue - serves meals 2-5 hours late, and shows up for them 1-3 hours late.
This is not because she cant do the math, its because she cannot accurately estimate how long things take, nor stay on task.
So in her head, its 10 min to make fettucini carbonara. She's forgotten she needs to cook the bacon, and that the pasta alone takes 15 min to cook, plus she'll start the pasta, then realize about the bacon, then decide to use a specific pan which is in storage and must be retrieved and washed, and oh that's all going to be so quick when it cooks that she better go now and pick the veg for the salad (takes 3 min right? except for the washing and chopping parts, and the making a vinaigrette and finding a bowl and ....)

She could get this entire meal ready in under 30 min, if she truely could figure out how much time each part takes, but she cant, and she apparently cant learn from that experience either. She consistently expects to frost a cake within minutes of its leaving the oven, for example.

So, we eat before we go over for dinner. Generally we're empty enough to do the final meal justice when it is served. And when she's coming our way, the only snacks are vegetables, so that no one gets too full to eat before she arrives. (We have eaten when the food is ready and just served her when she got there. Depends on the event and the menu).